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Open Game Day Thread: Bengals v. Texans, 2Q

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An open thread written in the past, but predicting the future. Sorta.

2-4-6-8, watch MDC prognosticate!
2-4-6-8, watch MDC prognosticate!
Kyle Terada-USA TODAY Sports

I'm multitasking today by watching this game while I work.  So, to make life a little easier, I'm throwing this post together a few seconds after kickoff.  Let's do it like a Mad Lib.

J.J. Watt is [adjective].  That [hit/sack/interception/disemboweling] that J.J. Watt put on [insert Bengal] made my [pants/heart/soul] happy.  Man, I wish [someone in Houston's secondary] didn't make me long for the days of [C.C. Brown or Jason Allen].  So far, it looks like Mallett's previous game [was/was not] deceiving.  I'm really looking forward to [the second quarter/the sweet release of death].