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Hair Of The Dog (Texans v. Ravens): That Just Happened

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The BRB crew contemplates whether Case Keenum actually won a game against a potentially playoff bound Ravens to for his first career win, or if Weston somehow managed to slip peyote into our email.

Yay, Hair of the Dog!!
Yay, Hair of the Dog!!
Kevin Jairaj-USA TODAY Sports

I'm officially on vacation now.  Friday was my last day of work, and I really don't consider the first weekend as "vacation", since it's not a day where I'd otherwise be working.  Today, however, marks the first true vacation day.

As I sit here drinking my coffee and listening to my daughter sing Christmas songs badly (seriously, she's an adorable girl who loves to sing, but we've got to work on that pitch), I think about how vacations have changed since childhood.  As a kid, I used to anticipate vacations for weeks and get so excited when they came, even though the reality is that my day-to-day activities didn't really change.

Now as an adult, with so many things going on between family and work, vacations kind of sneak up on me.  Even still, I have to go two to three days into the vacation before I really start to wind down, and about two to three days prior to the end of vacation, I start to think about all the things waiting for me upon my return.  All that to say that a two week vacation really only results in one week of relaxation.  I hate corporate America.

Trying to recall yesterday's game doesn't help.  I spent the day working on a (badass) playset for my girls as a Christmas present, and so I had to watch the game on delay.  As a result, I didn't get to participate in the HotD discussion, so as I try to pair the discussion with game events, the memory of what happened is kind of foggy.

Did Case Keenum really win a game?  Was Arian Foster really the best quarterback on the field?  Did Randy Bullock really set a Texans record that he won't be embarrassed about?  Did Case Keenum really win a game?

I'm struggling to believe that all of that actually happened and that this wasn't just a weird dream.  One thing's for sure, though.  If Gary Kubiak has the same vacation anxiety that I do, the offseason won't be nearly long enough.

On to the Dog.  Quick editorial note:  The BRB crew is in full holiday mode, so the participation was a bit light this week.  As a result, the discussion is a bit disjointed, so I have to modify the flow a bit.  Please forgive us.  Tim doesn't let us out of the cage often, so this is quite the treat.

Keenum comes out firing!

Brett:

Suggs was maybe two inches from getting a forced fumble on the first play. Great throw to Andre though.

BFD:

Keenum straight to "Kitten it, I'm going deep."

Brett:

Wow. Remember that time I benched Andre because Keenum was starting in favor of Brandon LaFell? Whoops.

Brett:

The Ravens secondary is so bad it's letting Case Kittening Keenum drive down the field with ease. This is madness.

BFD:

Don't worry, Brett, we'll soon split TEAMKEENUM out wide again and give them an easy stop.

BFD:

Seems totally appropriate the great Andre Johnson catches #1000 from TEAMKEENUM.  Sort of a circle of life aspect to Johnson's career.

Arian Foster essentially becomes the offense...

BFD:

This is madness, utter madness.  I love the TD pass for Foster, though.

Diehard Chris:

Kittendammit I love Arian Foster

BFD:

Ravens D playing like a bunch of kittenholes. Tell them what's up, Arian.

Playoffs?!!  Playoffs??!

Brett:

6th seed isn't out of reach. We have to beat JAX, CLE has to beat BAL, KC has to beat SD, and OAK/NE has to beat BUF.

None of those things are that unbelievable.

Author's note:  Just let that sink in for a second.  That could actually happen!  We could get to watch Case Keenum start a playoff game!

Rivers:

CLE/BAL is going to be the hardest result to get.

Brett:

If Case Keenum can do it, so can Brian Hoyer.

Rivers:

That offense has been a stagnant pool for weeks, with or without Manziel.

Brett:

Just gotta believe. If O'Brien can take a 2-14 dumpster fire and get it to the playoffs with a 4th string quarterback, how is he not coach of the year?

Rivers:

He did a pretty good job. Bruce Arians already won Coach of the Year, especially since he's not aiming for nine wins against one of the softest schedules in the NFL.

Brett:

Arians also arguably has more talent to work with than O'Brien, but point taken.


Other random comments that gave me holiday cheer...

BFD:

TEAMKEENUM is the polar opposite of #HoboQB in that they suck in tremendously different ways.

Rivers:

Field goal field goal field goal, keep them field goals rollin', field goals field goals field goals, raw hiiiiiide

Rivers:

Joe Flacco is somehow the worst quarterback at NRG today.

Diehard Chris:

Have to hand it to O'Brien for the out of the box gameplan. I'm sure 16 points is the ceiling for today, but with the QB options on the table not really sure there's much to whine about. Not that we won't, and haven't already found plenty.

Corzo:

Texans special teams discovered a way to commit an illegal block WHILE PUNTING.

Rivers:

All those years with Joe Marciano paid off!

BFD:

Allowing Owen Daniels to try and block J.J. Watt was a very Gary Kubiak thing to do.

Rivers:

It's amazing that we're going to be favored to win next week. That Case Keenum could potentially win two games in one season.

If there's one silver lining in this IR of a season, it's that we may have actually stumbled into a legitimately good coach.  Bill O'Brien has now won this season with Ryan Fitzpatrick, Ryan Mallet, Case Keenum, and nearly Tom Savage leading the show.

Now, how much responsibility he has for that illustrious list being the best choices for quarterback may ultimately decide his fate.  I mean, it didn't take a rocket surgerist to realize way back in August that when the team broke training camp with that list of thoroughbreds, this was going to be a tough season.

Still, he made it work.  The optimistic fan can look at it and say, "All we need is one decent quarterback and we really have something here!"  The pessimistic fan, however, need look no further than Andre Johnson catching his 1,000th pass on a crappy screen from Case Keenum to visualize the careers of Arian Foster and J.J. Watt being similarly wasted.

/sheds a solitary tear

In the spirit of the holidays, though, I'm going to pretend, if just for a moment, that this game is a preview of the long and successful Bill O'Brien Era.  He will find himself a good quarterback this offseason and we will finally have a team to be proud of.

Yes, that's better.  I think I'll go with the optimistic view for just a moment.

After all, I am on vacation.

Game Balls:

Offense: Arian Foster.  I'd love to give this to Andre for his 1,000th catch, but it has to go to Foster for three reasons:  1) he was the best running back on the field; 2) he was the best quarterback on the field; 3) his endless jawing with the Ravens defense was wildly entertaining.

Defense: Tough call here.  Kareem Jackson had two picks.  Jared Crick played probably his best game as a pro.  J.J. Watt continues to be J.J. Watt.  Screw it.  Game balls for everybody!!!

Special Teams: Randy Bullock.  On one hand, had Bullock missed any one of those kicks, he would have been (rightfully) skewered.  None were hard kicks.  Not to be too hard on him, but his "heroism" was really just a matter of circumstance.  Still, I feel like we need to give him some kudos for hitting six field goals.  This imaginary award that he'll never hear about seems about right.

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