Hair of the Dog: Arian Foster 1K Edition (Texans v. Jaguars)

When your stadium venue includes a party deck complete with South Beach imported DJ's and bikini-clad dancers, as well as a couple of swimming pools supervised by lifeguards, there's a good chance the team on the field isn't doing enough to hold the attention of those in attendance.

I have mixed emotions about this.  As a football enthusiast, I find it an unnecessary distraction for those who are there to watch football (or soccer, etc).  On the other hand, the entrepreneur and realist in me understands that there will often be a decent percentage of people in attendance who are there to socialize and do not pay attention to the game action.  From attending numerous games at Reliant/NRG over the years, I know the club section has a strong representation of socialites who probably couldn't tell you the score of the game or name more than one or two Texans players.  Congrats to Jaguars owner Shahid Khan in finding a way to give the people what they want.

Now to focus on what Houston fans want; to see our Texans in the playoffs this season.  Arian Foster broke 1,000 yards in this game, the fourth time to do so in his career!

Comments Throughout the Game:

BFD:  I know it's my own broken mind, but football on Pearl Harbor Day is just so fitting.

Capt Ron:  I would pay good money to see J.J. Watt head up to that Everbank Field pool deck and scold all those "South Beach wanna-be revelers" that they are not being the best NFL fans they can be.

BFD:  CJF immediately shows us how he earned the start today.

Corzo:  Fiedorowicz gets the nod, gets called for holding penalty on the very first play.

MDC:  CJF screws up the FIRST "KITTEN" PLAY! Great.

Corzo:  Bouye gets called for PI... That ref threw a flag, picked it up, tossed it again, picked it up again and tossed it again. Bizarre.

Capt Ron:  CJ holds, Bouye holds...holding for everyone!  Except for offensive linemen facing Watt of course.

MDC:  That would be absurd.

Corzo:  Balls on the table. Jags going for it on 4th and 2.

Brett:  Hopkins runs such a nice speed out. It's like automatic yards against off coverage.

(Fitzpatrick trips over Myers)

Capt Ron:  Get Fitzy some smaller shoes!  He is "clown-shoes" out there!

('Dre stuffed for a loss on screen #1)

BFD:  That was the worst designed screen I've ever seen.

Capt Ron: Another bubble-screen to 'Dre for a loss....how many is that this season?

MDC:  All of them?  At least it wasn't to Demaris. I don't know if I can take any more of those.

(general comments)

BFD:  We've been throwing some interesting blitzes at Bortles, kinda the opposite of what the Browns did to Mallett.

MDC:  I'll take "moderately effective" over "interesting." This is maddening. Our LBs are dog"KITTEN". You'd think Jax was a good team based on this first quarter. Rather than, you know, a 2-win cluster"KITTEN" of sadness.

Capt Ron:  Texans playing like they would rather start vacations in three weeks.  My Battle Red bloody mary needs some bleach.

MDC:  The Texans team is nowhere near being a legit playoff team. The vacation is starting in three weeks. Don't fool yourself.

Capt Ron:  Meanwhile, the Jaguars are playing like they are trying to pay for a new swimming pool, and trying to avoid a relocation to London.

BFD:  When you're jealous of the BE-SFs and Glitter Kitties quarterback situations...

Capt Ron:  Another bubble-screen to 'Dre for a loss?  O'Brien is just trolling us now.  Either that or he has already determined his draft goals for 2015 and doesn't want to slide further out of position.

MDC:  I'd take Denard over Shitzpatrick right now. I'd take BFD's wife over Shitzpatrick right now.

(Foster's 51-yard run)

Corzo:  DAT STIFFARM

Brett:  Um....Hopkins' block had nothing to do with Arian breaking that one mister announcer man.

BFD:  Arian Foster has also had a "quiet" 1000 yard season.  That just makes no sense at all.

(Andre Johnson knocked out)

Brett:  Oh "KITTEN"....that didn't look good for Andre. His arms immediately froze in place.

MDC:  "KITTEN!!!!"

HoustonDiehards:  I don't know how anyone could classify that as a cheap shot. Illegal hit, sure. Also I continue to not at all understand what a defenseless receiver is when they are the receiver who is actually in the act of catching a ball. It should just be a helmet to helmet illegal hit.

Brett:  Didn't look intentional to me personally. He went low on Andre, and Andre dipped down to take the hit. Just so happens that his head dipped into Smith's.

(general comments)

kdentify:  So, the Texans message app just informed me that the first quarter has ended. At 12:57pm. Halfway through the second quarter.

MDC:  Google Now still has it as Jags 7, Texans 0.

(D.J. Swearinger flagged for hitting defenseless receiver)

MDC:  Looked like DJ tried to avoid an illegal hit, but got flagged because physics are a thing.  I mean, you leap, turn sideways so you don't hit the sliding TE with your helmet, and you're flagged because your hip hits him as you go through? OK, NFL. That makes sense.

Capt Ron:  I guess only Keo can leap over someone effectively to avoid contact.

(J.J. Watt sWatts down pass)

Brett:  I love how Watt looked disgusted at Bortles for even thinking of throwing over his head.

(general comments)

MDC:  Theory: I could catch 5 passes for 60 yards against Houston as a slot receiver with BFD at QB and Weston at RT. Tim is playing kicker in this scenario.

BFD:  #ShittyBeerCan

MDC:  "Pitch to Blue" is the "screen to Dre" of the running game.

(D. Johnson leaps, snags ball, runs, then fumbles to Hopkins)

Capt Ron:  LMAO at D. Johnson!

MDC:  Was that pass to D Johnson or Hopkins?

Capt Ron:  It looked like it was targeted at Hop, and D-Johnson stole it with a ladder.  At least he was kind enough to fumble it back at Hop to end the play...

MDC:  That's what it looked like to me, too.

(Swearinger with an interception)

Capt Ron:  Nice pick by Swearinger!

Rivers:  I mean, it's nice that Bortles stared him down for a week and threw a spiral right to his chest. 

Capt Ron:  True, that was a putrid decision by Bortles.  Rookies do those things though.

Brett:  That kind of pass is why I'm glad he wasn't the first overall pick.

(Goal line offense with Watt)

Capt Ron:  When Watt goes in for goal line offense, I get tingly all over.

MDC:  Love when he's in, but I get mad when he's a decoy.

(Foster stopped right, extends play by going left for touchdown)

Brett:  HOLY "KITTEN" ARIAN. JUST "KITTEN" WOW.

MDC:  Lol. Announcer just said "3 possession game." Math is hard.

(general comments)

Tim:  Corzo, you have the postgame recap under control, right?

Corzo:  yes. I suppose I should start writing it.

Capt Ron:  If you start the recap with; "Uglier and sloppier than two blind, one-legged, sumo wrestlers covered in lube," it would be a reasonable facsimile of today's game.

kdentify:  Hmmm, sounds sexy ;)