NoSafetiesNeeded has handed the Buffalo Bills' card to me. It is rife with errors, written in crayon, and the latest example of why I am seriously contemplating not doing a 2015 BRB Mock Draft. To wit:
A couple of years ago, I participated in the mock draft on this here blog and drafted a TE for the Patriots by the name of Kobe Fleener (I mispelt it on porpoise). Anyway, hindsight being MD 20/20, I now consider myself a genius of the highest caliber. Now onto the Bills.
The Bills are stuck in the same division with the Dolphins, Jets, and Pats. The only team on that list who was repeatedly won something is the Pats. The Dolphins and Jets make great moves every offseason, just to watch them fail halfway through the regular seasoning. The Dollar Stack Bills have spent the past couple of years buying the necessary pieces to make things work.
This offseason, they've added depth throughout da roster and mayking sure that they don't have any deficiencies that would jeopardy there season. They must have graduated from the Andy Reid School of Footbaw because they have done their best to upgrade the lines. The defensive line is ankored by Mario Williams, Kyle Williams, Marcell "I'm pretty sure this guy is a type of battery brand" Dareus, and Alan "I'm as big as a tree" Branch. At a combined 25 feet and more than 1200 pounds, that line is full of hungry, nastee and nasty hungrifullness.
On the offensive side, the line measures a combined 31 feet and 1563.28764 pounds, which means they have a metric ton squared of protection for their franchise QB, E.J. Manuel, and can kill Mecha Godzilla in like won FalKon Punch!!!! However, beefy that line be, it still needs more weightspeed and assmass to protect that young QB.
With the 9th pick in the 2014 Battle Red Blog NFL Fake Draft that everyone seems to detest, the Buffalo Bills select Ha Ha Clinton-Dix (S--Alabama).
With Jake Matthews write they're, this seems like a dumb pick. However, if the Superb Owl has taught us anything, it's that nasty defenses need to make a comeback. When the Seahawks' defense hits you, you stay hit. Buffalo needs to do the same thing to knock off the Dark Side of the Force Darth Hoodie and his Sith apprentice, Dreamboat. Time and time again, the Pats crumble like a cheap cracker when their receivers can't catch and the tight ends can't stay healthy or out of prison. The Bills will capitalize on this by unleashing Mary O' Williams, Brandon Spikes, Leodis McKelvin and now their shiny new safety. I don't believe in safeties, which makes this pick really ironikul, but since this is a mock draft, I will draft all the safeties evur!!!!
To summarize, Buffalo chose Ha Ha Clinton-Dix. React to the pick as you deem fit in the Comments below.
UTBawse23 and the Detroit Lions are on the clock. Or they would be, if he hadn't already submitted his pick. Check back at 4 p.m. to see who the Lions will be fake-drafting.
1. Houston Texans--Sammy Watkins (WR--Clemson)
2. St. Louis Rams (from Washington)--Jadeveon Clowney (DE--South Carolina)
3. Jacksonville Jaguars--Johnny Manziel (QB--Texas A&M)
4. Cleveland Browns--Teddy Bridgewater (QB--Louisville)
5. Oakland Raiders--Khalil Mack (LB--Buffalo)
6. Atlanta Falcons--Anthony Barr (LB--UCLA)
7. Tampa Bay Buccaneers--Eric Ebron (TE--UNC)
8. Minnesota Vikings--Greg Robinson (OT--Auburn)
9. Buffalo Bills--Ha Ha Clinton-Dix (S--Alabama)
10. Detroit Lions--UTBawse23
11. Tennessee Titans--BostonianToro
12. New York Giants--TooDarkMark
13. St. Louis Rams--grandmasteroz
14. Chicago Bears--JayTrain52
15. Denver Broncos (TRADE WITH STEELERS) --Capt. Ron
16. Dallas Cowboys--TonyOverTroy
17. Baltimore Ravens--TexanSam
18. New York Jets--Sugel Mendoza
19. Miami Dolphins--bt20
20. Arizona Cardinals--Lukayyy
21. Green Bay Packers--gyeager
22. Philadelphia Eagles--gm.in.waiting
23. Kansas City Chiefs--MrCatPants
24. Cincinnati Bengals--hlc1221
25. San Diego Chargers--f22a4bandit
26. Cleveland Browns--FreedomRide
27. New Orleans Saints--H&Hguy
28. Carolina Panthers--Nashmeister
29. New England Patriots--37bp
30. San Francisco 49ers--TexansDC
31. Pittsburgh Steelers (TRADE WITH BRONCOS) --Steel Blue Crew
32. Seattle Seahawks--UprootedTexan
33. Houston Texans--bhsman