2014 NFL Mock Draft: With The Thirty-Third Overall Pick Of The 2014 BRB Mock Draft, Your Houston Texans Select...

Not one to let a little thing like law school finals get in his way, Sugel Mendoza is here to make the final pick of the 2014 Battle Red Blog Mock Draft. Not coincidentally, said pick is the first pick of the second round and belongs to your Houston Texans. Read on to see if the logic of the new fake general manager of the Texans follows that of his predecessor, who saw fit to select Sammy Watkins first overall for a team that has Andre Johnson, DeAndre Hopkins, and gaping holes at various other positions.

I like fat dudes. Fat dudes are awesome. Seriously, think of something better than some big-boned fella dancing around with his rolls thrashing about. On second hand, don't, because you can't and you won't. We need those kinds of planetoid heroes in the trenches. On which side of the trenches is a big (see what I did there?) debate. In a league that is faster than it ever has been before, ass mass is a huge asset. After all, who else is going to block for the speedster in today's league? Or clog a running lane like it was one of their arteries?

One of the Texans' biggest issues is the lack of a skilled spherical man in certain positions in the trenches, namely left guard, right tackle and nose tackle. Right tackle is a need that can wait, in my opinion. Despite being the worst RT in the league last season, Derek Newton was far from the worst player on the offensive line, as Wade Smith gave our QBs and RBs no breathing room, yielding an appalling amount of interior pressure. A QB can always step up in the pocket when a right tackle fails; it's a lot trickier to do so when the pressure is coming from right in front you. So I've narrowed my choices down to LG and NT.

After weighing my choices, I decided that with the 33rd overall overall pick in the 2014 BRB Mock Draft, the Houston Texans select Xavier Su'a-Filo (OG - UCLA). After ass-essing my options, satisfying our #NTLust is nice but Such'a-Fatboy is too good of a prospect to pass up on. At 6'4" and 307 lbs., Su'a-Filo is the perfect combination of size and agility. That is known in the scientific community as "weightspeed". His time at UCLA showed his skills in pass protection and at power blocking. He is also fleet of foot, as his 4.44 second 20-Yard Shuttle was tops among offensive guards; that bodes well for his ability to block in the zone blocking scheme that our offense thrives on. And unless you've been living under a rock, one thing that Bill O'Brien has been preaching since his arrival is the importance of versatility. Xavier's potential to be brilliant in pass, power and zone blocking would give our offensive line the versatility that OB desires.

Xavier will fill the hole that Wade Smith left at LG after his departure (come to think of it, that hole was there even when he was here) quite nicely. Cue "Fat" by Al Yankovic.

While conventional wisdom may have had the Texans going after a pass rusher here, I can get behind this pick. What's your take?

With that, the 2014 Battle Red Blog Mock Draft mercifully comes to a close. We had some laughs. We had some tears. We lived. We loved. Truly, none of us will ever be the same.

I'll have a recap of the entire draft up sometime tomorrow. In the meantime, leave your impressions on the Texans' pick(s) in the Comments below.