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The Onion Rips At The Houston Texans And Their Hopes At A Deep Preseason Run

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It was only a matter of time until "America's Finest News Source" turned its gaze on the league's worst team last year. Laughter hides the tears, folks.

Anyone with press credentials from The Onion is not to be trusted, Arian.
Anyone with press credentials from The Onion is not to be trusted, Arian.
Matthew Emmons-USA TODAY Sports

I'm a big fan of satire, in case you didn't know, and the Internet's leading satirical website ran a piece on the Houston Texans.  It's pretty short, and I don't want to copy/paste the whole thing, so here's a blurb:

"We might have our share of doubters, but everyone here is tuning that stuff out and focusing on one thing: winning in the preseason. Honestly, if we can get hot and live up to our potential, I wouldn’t be surprised if we went 4-0 this year." [Arian] Foster went on to boldly claim that the Texans will be especially dangerous late in preseason games, when opposing teams are primarily fielding second and third stringers.

- From Texans Confident They Have Right Pieces In Place To Make Deep Preseason Run

Click here and read the whole thing. If you're craving more satire, check out Battle Red Onion... our very own satirical publication (created by the great UprootedTexan) on everything Texans. With so much uncertainty surrounding the Texans right now, there should be plenty to satirize in 2014.