BRB Staff Writers, Assemble! 2014 NFL Predictions

Your esteemed Battle Red Blog writers have been called a lot of things over the years in the comment section of the site, but most of the time we are described as: soothsayers, prophets, sibyls, clairvoyants, oracles, and wizards. Having this ability hampers our daily lives, yet it comes in handy before the NFL season or when we gamble on "American Idol."

Every NFL site in the world has their predictions.  None of them will be as accurate as the wisdom that flows from our keyboards. Don't believe me? Check out last year's:

2013 NFL Predictions

See how totally right every prediction was?

Below is a table with our division winners and wild card selections for 2014.  Underneath that are our picks for individual awards, and then our Super Bowl picks, Texans' record prediction, and a short paragraph detailing how we feel Houston's season will unfold. Enjoy and leave your own palm readings in the comments below so we all can laugh about it next year when we are doing the same damn thing.

Division/Wild Card Winners

Individual Awards

2014 Houston Texans Prediction

Matt Weston

Super Bowl Prediction: Saints over Broncos

Texans prediction: 6-10

Did you know the Texans are predicted to have the easiest schedule in the NFL? Did you know they are playing in the worst division since the pre-juggernaut NFC West? Did you know they are going to be a luckier football team? Did you know that it doesn't matter because they didn't address the quarterback situation?

Back in October, I bet Diehard Chris ice cream the Texans would make the playoffs because there was no way they would be as unlucky as they were in 2013, and they would have a high pick to take a quarterback. Well, they used the first pick to draft Jadeveon Clowney. Then Houston decided to not trade their second round pick and presumably another late round pick to take Teddy Bridgewater at the end of the first round.  Why?  Maybe because of the "IT Factor", a bad pro day, his height, or some other asinine reason.

Instead, we have Ryan Fitzpatrick, Tom Savage, Ryan Mallet, a guard who's sitting behind Ben Jones, a defensive tackle with the knees of an eighty year old man, and a tight end who could very well be really good at a non-premium position rather than the best quarterback in the class who will be named the Offensive Rookie of the Year. Additionally, neither the defense or run game is going to be "elite" enough to make up for the mistakes and stuttering of the passing game.

If they actually fixed the quarterback situation (no, Ryan Mallet doesn't count) instead of kicking it down the road, this team could have easily won ten games with the schedule they have and the division they are in. However, rather than seeing them in the big show at the end of the year, we are going to to change the channel every time the offense comes on to watch the Cowboys and sip on bleach as we watch Teddy Bridgewater highlights.

Long live #BattleTedBlog, and let's welcome another year of arm chair scouting these college quarterbacks.

Rivers McCown

Super Bowl Prediction: Saints over Broncos

Texans Prediction: 6-10

6-10. An easy schedule and Jadeveon Clowney are both good additions, but there is a hole on practically every level of this defense. And somebody forgot to fix quarterback. So unless the J.J. Watt Single Wing has been well-hidden, this team isn't going anywhere.

Diehard Chris

Super Bowl Prediction: Seahawks over Patriots

Texans Prediction: 6-10

It's a QB league, and a plus defense can only help you so much when you decide before the start of the season that you are not going to adequately address the QB issue.  Additionally, if you are going to do what Houston is doing at QB, you BETTER have a hell of a running game - I don't see it.  First year offensive line in a new system.  A GIANT question mark at RT.  XSF may settle in well at guard, but we don't know yet.  Brandon Brooks just now rounding into shape the other guard position.  It all adds up to one of the worst (THE worst?) QB situations in the league and a running game we just can't count on.

John Monahan (a new addition to the BRB staff; you'll see more from him next week)

Super Bowl Prediction: Falcons over Broncos

Texans Prediction: 7-9

With a more consistent QB, this is probably a 9-7 team with a shot at the playoffs, especially in a division as weak as the AFC South. As is, you're gonna have to count on the defense, Dre, Foster staying healthy, and a 50/50 Fitztragic to Fitzmagic ratio to hover around a record of .500. If that falters in any meaningful way, or Fitzpatrick is more tragic than magic, then the team is probably looking at a 6-10 season. On the other side, if Fitzpatrick can stay consistent or Ryan Mallett emerges as the answer at QB, this is a team that should fight for a playoff berth.

Big Fat Drunk

Super Bowl Prediction: Seahawks over Broncos

Texans Prediction: 6-10

By not addressing the quarterback issue in a meaningful way in the off-season, it's fair to say we've already punted to 2015.  The complete and total lack of depth almost team-wide was dictating that strategy, regardless.  Getting Foster and Cushing back will help, of course, and we have addressed several glaring talent black holes.

That said, expect offenses to game plan around our elite pass rush with quick hitting passes.  Joseph isn''t healthy, Kareem is erratic, and who can possibly fill the slot CB position?

Ryan.  Fitz.  Tragic.

We'll get some regression to the mean from our the bad juju last year, but this is still a team with several stars and a surrounding cast of nothing.  I'm going with 6-10, but with our schedule (we do play the Glitter Kitties and BE-SFs twice, after all), 8-8 is possible.

Capt Ron

Super Bowl Prediction: Seahawks over Patriots

Texans Prediction: 6-10

The Texans have a very light schedule and could have one of the top "front-seven" defenses in the NFL this year.  Outside of that optimism, I am gravely concerned about the rest of the team.

The quarterback position is the most important role on any NFL team.  While I fully agree that it was impossible to pass up on Jadeveon Clowney with the first overall pick in the draft, it was a massive mistake to sit back and watch the Vikings leapfrog back into the end of the first round and draft Teddy Bridgewater one spot ahead of the Texans.  It was also a mistake to sit idle and watch the Patriots do the same thing late in the second- round when they jumped up to get Jimmy Garoppolo just three picks ahead of the Texans.  One could make a case for Derek Carr and Blake Bortles as well, although the latter would have required a massive cost to trade up to the second overall pick.

While I feel the Texans made good investments with these other high draft picks by reinforcing the trenches on both sides, they now enter the season with the worst quarterback situation in the NFL; although the Raiders are doing their best to compete in that area.  Just last week, the Texans traded with the Patriots for Ryan Mallett, but he won’t have many reps in practice now that training camp is over.  We will only see him if Fitzpatrick gets injured or just completely falls apart during the regular season.  That puts my prediction for Mallett’s first start at around Game Five.  If O’Brien is real patient with Fitz, we may see Mallett start Week Eleven after the bye.  The rookie Tom Savage isn’t likely to step in and win games for the team if he’s called into action this early in his development.  Bottom line?  The Texans are going to lose games due to the quarterback situation.

The defensive secondary is still alarmingly uncertain.  Joseph has had chronic injury issues the last two seasons; and Jackson still rarely turns his damn head in coverage, which won’t bode well with the latest officiating focus on down-range penalties.  The safety role is a large red-flag with a penalty-magnet, mouthy, showboat in D.J. Swearinger.  Don’t get me wrong, I love the edgy-energy, but he needs to learn to cover receivers and to wrap up more in tackles.  Then you have a relatively pedestrian player in Lewis, and an aging veteran in Manning, all backed up by Keo and Pleasant.  Bouye and Hal may be the next good thing happening for the secondary, but we’ll see.

Notwithstanding the running back and wide receiver positions, there is a critical lack of depth on this roster.  It’s not "if" but "when" injuries will happen, and the Texans are in dire straights once starters are missing time on the field.

The Texans will be "in" a lot of games due to the defense and special teams, but they’ll lose some due to rookie mistakes and quarterback performance issues.  I see them finishing the season at 6-10, and vying for a trade partner to move up in the 2015 NFL Draft in search of a franchise quarterback.

David Corzo

Super Bowl Prediction: Eagles over Pats

Texans Prediction: 6-10

Ryan Mallet gets swapped in at QB by Week 10 and Tom Savage starts Week 17.

The Texans continue their losing streak at Lucas Oil Stadium.

Alfred Blue gets more carries than Arian Foster because Foster is used primarily as a pass-catcher.

DeAndre Hopkins breaks 1000 yards and 10 touchdowns.

Jadeveon Clowney hits a rookie wall around Week 8, causing a lot of consternation here on BRB.

Tim

Super Bowl Prediction: Seahawks over Broncos

Texans Prediction: 7-9

The early season schedule of your Houston Texans appears awfully manageable, which is why I've got them starting off 3-1, which will in turn see the Texans emerge as a "team to watch" after the first quarter of the season.  Then the water gets much choppier.

As much as I want to believe this team can contend for a wild card spot, thanks to playing in a division that is the worst in the league by a considerable margin, Ryan Fitzpatrick does not inspire dreams of postseason glory.  Houston's defense, especially the pass rush, will be a joy to behold, but the offense will simply not be able to consistently keep up its end of the bargain.

The Texans finish 2014 with a record of 7-9, and we enter the 2015 offseason dreaming about how good this team can be under Bill O'Brien if they meaningfully address QB in the 2015 NFL Draft.

Ryan Dunsmore

Super Bowl Prediction: Packers over Broncos

Texans Prediction: 8-8

I admit I originally picked the Texans to make the playoffs at 9-7 and ha written an entire reasoning for it. But, once I wrote the words "perfect storm" I realized it couldn't really happen. I do believe if Arian Foster can stay healthy and Bill O'Brien can cobble together enough quality starts from Ryan Fitzpatrick and Ryan Mallett, Houston can make the playoffs.

But, the likelihood of that happening is very slim. Foster is looking at the wrong side of his 20s and there are too many questions about his health. The defensive secondary has too many questions to count, and the linebacking corps is paper thin after the first group.

I will take joy in watching J.J. Watt and Jadeveon Clowney terrorize backfields all season long. The Texans won't return to the promised land until they reset the defensive roster or find a game-changing quarterback to take them to the next level.

MDC

Super Bowl Prediction: Saints over Patriots

Texans Prediction: 10-6

Because why the hell not?  Ryan Fitzpatrick?  Whatever.  Andre Johnson lifts all boats, baby.  Bill O'Brien made Matt McGloin look like someone other than Matt McGloin.  Which I'm pretty sure was the entirety of what he said in his interview.

On top of which, JOE MARCIANO IS NO LONGER EMPLOYED WITH YOUR HOUSTON TEXANS. I think we can all agree that's worth at least 3 wins all by itself.  Throw in the havoc that J.J. Watt and Jadeveon Clowney will unleash, and I'm more than comfortable bumping the team up to 8 wins.  Then, I figure you steal a couple more with a lucky bounce here or there.

It's science!

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