Hair of the Dog (Texans v. Redskins): Winners Again!

September 15, 2013.  That was the last time your Houston Texans won a non-Preseason football game.  Just under one year ago.  If I were a typical cheesy blogger, I'd run a list all the differences between then and now.  You know, like, "When the Texans last won a game, "The Golden Scallop" was the hit of the box office."   Or, "3 million Americans have been born since the last time the Texans won."

But I am far from your typical cheesy blogger.  I'm much lazier than that.  This explains why both of those statements above are false and why I've been AWOL since the last time the Texans played.

Yet the Texans did play this past weekend, and they did win.  If events like this are enough to drag MDC out of retirement, it seems only fitting that I can dedicate a few minutes to putting together a post compiled of other people's thoughts.

And so, I present to you, the first Hair of the Dog of the 2014 NFL season.  If you're new to the HotD (or should we call it the "HotDog"?) it is simply a regurgitation of the email discussion held by the BRB staff during the game.  It's where curse words become "kitten"s and where you can relive the hope, exultation, and eventual disappointment of the previous game (oh yeah... we WON... sorry... still takes some getting used to).

The name is a nod to my good friend Dave who, back when I was a single guy living on the beach, used to go out drinking with me, crash on my couch, and then pour himself a breakfast scotch saying, "Hair of the dog!"  I don't know why, but it seems like a most fitting title.

With that said... Onward!!

Pre-Game

MDC:

I guess this is what I get for skipping camp after being on IR all last year. My whole routine of when to get up, when to make the first screwdriver, etc., is out of sorts.

Brett:

This is the first time Clowney and Watt have been on the field together since the first few snaps of the first series of the first preseason game. If you'll recall, Carson Palmer was sacked within 30 seconds of the whistle blowing.

Prepare thine anus, Washington.

Corzo:

Is DeVry Posey inactive out of respect for MDC's return to BRB?

MDC:

No, just out of respect for his inherent kittentiness.

Brett (Welcoming back MDC properly):

At least he didn't lose to Notre Dame 31-0.

Author's note:  College Football can go kitten itself.

First Quarter

MDC:

Your barbs have no effect, since our KR was smart enough to kneel that kickoff.  It's a new day, gentlemen

Brett:

Derek Newton actually stonewalled Ryan Kerrigan on an obvious passing play. Color me shocked.

Corzo:

Texans are spreading it out for the first three plays of the game on offense.

Did not expect this.

Brett:

I have a lot more faith in a Bill O'Brien spread game than a Gary Kubiak spread game.

mbw:

Myers got his tit lit pretty good on that third and one. 

This success in empty backfields is confusing me.

MDC:

The entire line looked like they walked into a minefield on that third down.

Brett (on Andre Johnson):

He looks so much like Megatron. It's almost scary.

Also Jags just got a sack fumble on Foles.

MDC:

Nice openfield tackle by JJo, there.

Here's where RG3 sharts his pants.

MDC:

Am I the only one who sees "Polumbus" and thinks, "His first name must be Pistopher'"?

mbw:

Watt not only was in the back field, he bullrushed the LG and plowed him onto his back and knocked down RGIII.

Vega:

My wife asked me recently, "Do the Texans still have that guy that you'd leave me for?"

Yes.  And he just made a play.

MDC:

Watt was really angry about something in the way the Redskins attempted to block him on that last run play.

BFD:

Myers is looking awful so far.

mbw:

Myers has had a rough game so far. 

More 6 OL sets too.

Corzo (on Texans' 3rd down):

3rd and short again. Can they convert?

Vega:

No.  No they cant.

Ron:

That time off Myers got in camp?  I suspect an injury after seeing him play...

MDC:

D.J. Swearinger with the first sack of the season?!  NICE.

MDC:

Clowney standing up over the center.  Romeo is just giggling and moving pieces around at this point.

BFD:

If we're going to play off WRs with the pass rush we're getting, doesn't it blow the point?

Corzo:

Yeah Clowney was on QB spy duty there... shuffled along the LOS while Swearinger zoomed in at RG3.

Next play, Clowney and Reed rush from the same side.

MDC:

I like the idea of super obvious spy Clowney.  "I'm standing up, directly across from you, and I will kill you if you run.  Me.  I'm that guy.  LOOK AT ME WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU, BAYLOR BOY!"

Brett:

I like how we have a 270 pounder spying an Olympic caliber sprinter just because we can.

mbw:

Ben Jones is still fat.

Ron:

The Texans' defense looks as good as I had hoped, but the offense looks worse than I feared.

What's the over/under on Mallett making an appearance?

#WinterIsHere

/Drink!

mbw:

How bad is Posey and the rest of the WR core if Damaris Johnson is starting in the slot and getting touches?

Brett (on Washington challenge):

His toe looked out to me...but just barely. I'll wait for the replay.

MDC:

WOW...just got really lucky with some terrible awareness by the WR.

Ron:

3:55 to go in the first quarter of the first game....too soon, or too late, to move on to 2015 Draft talk?

MDC:

Is that draft talk re: O-line?  Then no.  No, it isn't.

Corzo:

Both teams have 1 first down between them... and that was way back on the first drive by the Texans

MDC:

Cushing just bent Jordan Reed's wookiee.

mbw:

I like watching Trent Williams vs. Clowney.

Second Quarter:

BFD (foreshadowing):

I haven't seen Clowney out there in a few snaps.

MDC:

I have an idea: THROW THE BALL TO ANDRE JOHNSON.

MDC:

Relatedly: STOP THROWING TO OTHER JOHNSONS.

mbw:

Chris Myers PFF Grade: -137

Corzo:

We just ran a draw play on 3rd and 15

hahaha

MDC (on Hopkins' TD):

DeAndre Hopkins, baby.

Ron:

Reed playing for a contract!

MDC:

Reed looks MUCH faster this year.

mbw:

Maybe that groin was bothering him last season still. 

I want Romeo Crennel to read me a bed time story sometime.

Ron (on blocked punt TD):

Love ya' Blue!!!

Mbw:

I've never seen a running back used in the punt formation like that before.

Corzo:

OMFG Clowney just did the Mario Williams walk to the locker room. :( :(

Ron:

...and the refs insert themselves, with a BS call on Kareem to negate the Mercilus sack.

BFD:

That was not a penalty on KJax.  Total bullkittens.

Ron:

So Watt doesn't get the sack due to intentional grounding?

That should be a sack.

Author's note:  It bothers me, a day later, to read about Watt's day in the national media and see people talk about his stats, while ignoring the impact he had on plays where he didn't get "credit".  Maybe I'm too sensitive.

Ron:

Did the texans actually find a way to "Tilt" the Redskins?  They just totally shut down.

BFD:

Derek Bell'd

Third Quarter:

Corzo:

Clowney OUT for the rest of the game with a knee injury... BAH

mbw:

Yaaaaay Whitney Mercilus

Corzo:

WHAT A DOG KITTEN PENALTY ON SWEARINGER

Ron:

No "in the grasp" for Reed?

That was a BS call on SWAG!  These refs are putrid!  How does the NFL fail so bad with officiating.

BFD:

Can somebody tell me what is happening with Clowney?

Ron:

Sideline reporter said cramps, and booth says knee.

MDC:

Jerome Boger's crew never met a possible penalty they wouldn't call.

Vega:

Stepped away from the computer to whip up a batch of Guinness beef stew and a loaf of homebrew bread.  This game so far is about as expected.  Crappy offense.  Great play by d-line.  Suspect secondary.  Yup.

Though I do love Swearinger's play so far.  That penalty was kitten, but he's playing with some controlled aggression so far.

Ron:

Guinness beef stew sounds amazing!

Vega:

It tastes better than it sounds.

Fourth Quarter:

Vega:

Why do they call it a horse collar?  I've never seen a horse with a collar.

Ron:

Texans offense; trying to see if the defense is in mid-season (conditioning) form?

Ron:

Watt wants to see how Cousins looks; big sack on RG3.

Vega:

Is Watt looking better than before or has it just been a long offseason?

BFD:

He looks amazing.

Corzo:

Just as good as ever, really.

Ron:

Why does it look like Newton sat on a smurf?

mbw:

It took until 8:39 in the fourth for Washington to take a shot deep. 

That's pretty stupid.

Also Watt is disgusting. Poor, poor, Tyler Polumbus.

MDC:

That's Pistopher Polumbus to you, Matt2.

Corzo:

that's BIGG Matt to you

MDC:

The extra G stands for "Go Kitten Yourself."

mbw:

Hey I'm only 6'6" 220. I have feelings too you know.

MDC:

6-6? JFC. You're literally 11 inches taller than me. I can't even hate on the Big Matt nickname.

mbw:

I'm still waiting for the BRB pickup basketball game.

Vega:

I'll only sign up for the BRB pickup basketball game if we play on a large field.  With extra large baskets.  On the ground.  And you can't use your hands.

Vega:

Question:  In what week will Fitzpatrick throw a good throw while under pressure?  I ask because I figure it will happen at some point... if only by accident.

Ron:

Redskins try to take Fitz out with a helmet to chin late-hit, but that damn beard is tough!

mbw:

I can't see Fitz ever making a good throw under pressure. This treading water offense can work with this schedule as long as the OL gives him time. When he deals with pressure, he makes stupid mistakes.

Vega:

This offense is pathetic.  O'Brien should really consider firing the offensive coordinator.

Corzo:

Brandon Brooks is not having a good game... at least not a good half.

mbw:

don't talk about Mr. Brooks like that. He is always having a great game

Ron:

Need 18 yards, so let's go with a pass behind the line of scrimmage?

Vega:

Well at least we have a reliable kicker.

Ron:

It was as ugly as watching a greased pig try to get through a dog door, but we'll take the 'W' for an opener.  Set the "Clowney Watch!"

Vega:

Ryan Fitzpatrick.  Now with more wins than Case Keenum.

So, the Texans win.  Which is good.  Awesome even.  Been a long time.  But...

Does anyone really feel that comfortable with this team?  The pieces are there.  All the stars did star things.  J.J., Andre, and Foster all did what you expected them to do.  But oh, Fitzpatrick.  Imagine what this team could do with a real quarterback.

Game Balls:

Offense:  Andre Johnson.  He's back and reminding us of all the Andre Johnson things he can do.  That he managed 6 receptions for 93 yards with Fitzpatrick should be part of his Hall of Fame plaque.  Kind of like the David Carr years.  Ugh.  You really can't fault Andre for being pissed this offseason.

Defense:  J.J. Watt.  No explanation needed.

Special Teams:  Alfred Blue.  Welcome to the NFL!  Though I feel like Watt should be acknowledged in this space too.  What a beast.

Redskins vs Texans coverage