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Three And Out: Useless Predictions For Texans-Jaguars

Newsflash: Making predictions for a 1-4 team that wasn't supposed to be 1-4 is harder than I thought. Nevertheless, time to unfurl a fresh set of predictions in advance of Sunday's game between the Houston Texans and Jacksonville Jaguars.

That's Eddie Pleasant in that picture, so you know a penalty flag is not far behind.
That's Eddie Pleasant in that picture, so you know a penalty flag is not far behind.
Scott Halleran/Getty Images

If you're looking for me to convince you that this predictions column is sure to hit the nail on the head, look no further than last week's edition, where I boldly proclaimed that Andre Johnson, who had been positively wretched over the first quarter of the 2015 season, would find the end zone in his return to NRG Stadium. Before you click that link, I urge you to ignore every other prediction in that post--the final score, Arian Foster's otherworldly stat line, how the Texans would bottle up Frank Gore, and so forth. Those don't count and in no way conclusively demonstrate that every squirrel finds a nut once in awhile. On to Week 6, loyal reader.

1. In eight (8) career games against the Jacksonville Jaguars, J.J. Watt has 11.5 sacks. Six of those sacks came in two games last year. By the conclusion of Sunday's game, J.J. Watt's career sack total against the Jaguars shall rise to 13.5.

2. I admit that leadoff prediction wasn't exactly bold. Allow me to spice things up with the following call: Jaelen Strong catches another touchdown pass, giving him 3 TDs in the last two games. It'll be on a red zone target. I'm not saying that Strong is all of a sudden going to force Cecil Shorts III or Nate Washington to the bench, but I do believe you'll start seeing more of him, particularly near the goal line.

3. On the whole, Houston's secondary has been terrible all year. Whether it's the Frank Bush patented 8 yard cushions off the line of scrimmage, a failure to locate the ball, repeated penalties (all of which somehow manage to seem stupider and more ill-timed than the one before them), or safety play that has actually led to some fans clamoring for the halcyon days when D.J. Swearinger tried to tackle everyone with his shoulder, what was supposed to be a strength of the 2015 Texans has been a sizable weakness.

Jacksonville boasts a very underrated set of wide receivers in Allen Robinson and Allen Hurns, and I fear those two are going to exploit the Texans' defensive backs all afternoon. Put each of 'em down for at least 80 yards receiving and 1 TD between them (but not 1 TD each). I do, however, also foresee Blake Bortles throwing a pick; it'll be to Kevin Johnson.

PUT YOUR NAME ON IT: Over the first five games of the 2015 regular season, I have predicted your Houston Texans would defeat their opponent four out of five weeks. The only game I predicted the Texans would lose was against the Falcons, and I was waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay off on that final score. I say all of that to say this: I appear to be incapable of learning from my past mistakes.

This is either going to be an ugly, close game where neither team scores 21 points, or it's going to be--wait for it...takes sizable sniff of industrial strength glue--a blowout with the Texans on top. I realize the latter part of that sentence makes absolutely no sense. The Texans have been consistently horrendous throughout this season, and the Jaguars are better than they've been in a few years. Really, based on what we've seen from this team over the first five weeks, there's no logical reason to believe they'll win on Sunday, much less win handily.

I just can't shake this feeling that Houston, with ten days to analyze what's gone wrong up to and through the loss to the Colts, bows up and get it done. Texans 20, Jaguars 17.  Or Texans 31, Jaguars 14. If pushed to pick one, I'll pick the former as being the more likely outcome.

/takes deep, two-nostril pull of glue

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