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News is just now breaking that the GM of the Texans, Rick Smith, is going to have a press-conference today at 12:30 p.m. (CDT)
Rick didn't tip his hand last year when Houston had the first overall pick, so surely we won't find out too much about what the Texans will do with the 16th pick this year. Most likely, this will just be a reinforcing narrative about the success of the team through the turnaround of 2014 under Coach O'Brien, and how they'll look through this upcoming draft for opportunities at the intersection of "talent and need" to strengthen the roster.
Since we know we won't get anything too solid to chew on from this presser, and for a sassy taste of some "Battle Red Onion" today, I envision this fictional scenario...
Rick approached the podium, swallowed hard, stared out at the media during a long pause, and then said; "It is with a heavy heart and with deep respect for the McNairs, and the entire Texans organization, that I announce my immediate retirement to pursue my lifelong dream to supply celebrity chefs and ostentatious restaurants with high quality quail eggs. The complete lack of creativity in the culinary world has created this incredible opportunity to supply the ever-growing demand for these small nuggets of goo. You often find them undercooked and perched atop many appetizers and entrees in most restaurants lately as every chef feels compelled to not be outdone by their peers. It’s an incredible time to enter this market, and I can’t wait to get things going."Rick went on to say; "I realize the timing may appear awkward just days before the NFL Draft, but I have great confidence in Coach O’Brien and the rest of the organization to apply the tremendous scouting research that I helped direct in preparation for this opportunity to add more talent to the team for 2015. I will continue to remain close to the organization going forward, and we have already secured our first contract with NRG Stadium to include poached quail eggs atop many of the game-day meal options for fans to enjoy this season. Thank you all for your support during my time with the Houston Texans."One reporter, affectionately nicknamed "Pancakes," suffered a leg injury as he rushed the podium at the conclusion of the press-conference. As he was later being carried out on a stretcher by medical personnel, he could be heard yelling; "I re-[deep wheeze] re-healy wa-hant [deep wheeze] to try tha-hoze heggs, Rick!"
Tune in to see what Rick has to say, or come back later for the write-up afterward.