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Fisk Of Death: Adam Schefter Talking About Brock Osweiler Edition

It’s been a while, but it’s time to get out the fisking glove.

fisk of death

I don’t mean to pick on Adam Schefter. Honestly. He’s a good breaking news kind of reporter, but when he tries to get deeper into any sort of analysis, he’s way out his league. His piece on Brock Osweiler over the weekend was just too terrible to not fisk. Let’s do this thing, shall we?

Of all the challenges now confronting Houston Texans quarterback Brock Osweiler, one of the most significant involves his confidence, according to league sources.

First off, I love the "according to league sources" because it adds just the perfect touch of ignorance to the overall story.

Confidence, eh? I’d say the bigger issues are Brock’s poor mechanics, terrible accuracy, and questionable arm strength. If I have those three issues, I guess I’d eventually lose my confidence as well, but Adam's is just a terrible root cause analysis.

Nurse: Doctor, the patient’s leg is cut off!
Doctor: Give him a lollipop, a pat on the butt, and tell him he’s doing just fine.

That’ll do, pig. That’ll do. Let’s see what’s next!

NFL executives and coaches who have watched Osweiler play believe he has lost confidence, and it has affected his play. They pointed to one particular throw during Monday night's loss to his former team, the Denver Broncos, when Osweiler had one of his tight ends wide open and missed him by about 3 yards. One source said he believed Osweiler's inaccuracy is a direct result of his lack of assurance in his abilities.

Hey, guys? GUYS??? Did you see that one bad pass he had? Oh, wait, it was more than one? Oh, I see, it was a little more like this?

Joe Reardon: He walked 18.
Larry: New league record!
Joe Reardon: Struck out 18.
Larry: Another new league record! In addition, he hit the sportswriter, the public address announcer, the bull mascot twice...[Joe laughs]
Larry: Also new league records!

Even though I’m pulling this quote out of order, it just still talks to the cluelessness of this analysis.

He has completed 58.2 percent of his pass attempts this season, throwing eight touchdowns and eight interceptions.

HE HIT THE BULL, Adam! He missed guys by five (5), seven (7) yards yesterday. He’s thrown ground balls with eyes. He pickfumbled, for crikey’s sake. This isn’t a one throw issue. Three (3) yards is considered horseshoes and hand grenades around these parts when it comes to Brock’s accuracy.


Monday night's loss was Osweiler's first game in Denver since leaving to sign a four-year, $72 million contract with the Texans during the offseason. He finished 22-for-41 for 131 yards without a touchdown and also fumbled early in the fourth quarter, putting the game out of reach for Houston.

For all the discussion about Brock’s accuracy, what’s equally worrisome is the extremely poor yards per attempt (y/a) and yards per completion (y/c). Brock’s 5.8 y/a is worst in the league, and his 9.8 y/a is second worst in the league among qualifiers, "trailing" only the great EAF Joe Flacco.

Let’s take this baby home:

Texans coach Bill O'Brien is one of the league's top quarterback gurus, but also is very demanding.

Top quarterback gurus? According to whom, exactly? How BOB can still maintain this reputation is well beyond me. Is it because he somehow got productivity out of Christian Hackenberg? Because he milked a below average season out of #HoboQB? Or because Brian Hoyer once didn’t soil himself? Or perhaps because he was able to squeeze some semblance of talent from Tom Brady, who would otherwise have been selling used cars?

Way back when we hired BOB, Brett found a tape of him explaining what he wanted in a QB. Basically, BOB wanted Tom Brady Part Two: consistent motion, throws over the shoulder and knee, and follow through, all of which leads to excellent downfield accuracy. Brock has none of these characteristics, which means there is no way Brock should be BOB’s guy.

Yet, here we are. Either BOB doesn’t believe his own BS, or Brock was a $72MM Hail Mary (I know, I know, not $72MM, I get it). Either way, the rest of the Texans are feeling the short end of this deal.

I do know of one quarterback guru in the NFL, one who took a gamble on a tall, lanky QB and turned him into an Pro Bowler. I can’t remember his name now. I think it rhymes with Larry Floobiak, though.

Regardless of whether O'Brien's style is affecting Osweiler's performance, those who have watched the Texans quarterback believe his confidence has taken a hit.

Of course O’Brien’s "style" is affecting Osweiler’s performance. BOB took a tall, round peg and tried to shove it into square hole. In no way should he be surprised by what’s happening to Osweiler.  BOB has not put him into a position to succeed.

The Texans are a 5-3 team thanks to one man: Romeo A. Crennel. Bill O’Brien is doing his best to damn Crennel, but Crennel continues to battle-fight through it. It’s a shame Crennel’s scheming talents are wasting away by yet another season of incompetent offensive coordinating.  And that's on BOB.

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