Monday Night Football Live: Buffalo Bills at Seattle Seahawks

Buffalo does not deserve to have any good things happen to it. Like ever. Remember 1993? Remember how the Oilers had a commanding lead until the Bills went and screwed all that up? Buffalo revels in that moment because it has no other moments to revel in.

You think they like remembering the four straight Super Bowl losses? The Music City Miracle (even though it was totally a forward lateral)? Hell, no. Who would? Instead, they cling to “The Comeback” and tell stories about it while huddled around drums of bleu cheese dressing to keep warm at night. They love it, and they love mocking Houston for giving them such joy! THEY’RE LAUGHING AT US!

Do not give in to the temptation to root for the Buffalo Bills here. Cling to that hatred, brothers and sisters. Root for the Seahawks and hope that they curbstomp those chucklehead wing eaters up north!

Enough of me and this entirely unbiased opening statement. Watch football now. It’s your patriotic duty.