Three and Out: Useless Predictions for Texans-Packers

Tim: Texans 23, Packers 21.

Objectively, this prediction makes little to no sense. The Texans' offense has shown no ability to consistently score. It's a road game. Aaron Rodgers is Aaron Rodgers. There's really no reason to believe the Texans will emerge from Lambeau Field with a victory on Sunday afternoon. In fact, it's far more likely they lose by double digits. From a purely rational perspective, I think Weston's prediction is closest to the pin when it comes to what will happen on Sunday.

But...

Under Bill O'Brien, your Houston Texans have a habit of winning at least one game they shouldn't each season. I believe this will be that game. Of the five games remaining on the Texans' 2016 regular season schedule, beating the Packers in Green Bay is the one I'd be the least confident about coming to pass. Hence, it shall happen, courtesy of Nick Novak kicking a game-winning field goal late in the fourth quarter.

You can almost smell the whiskey through your screen, can't you?

Chris HDH: Packers 29, Texans 10.

And thus begins the 2016 death spiral.

The Texans’ offense has proven multiple times this season it does not matter how bad the opposing defense is. Houston’s offense is bad with a capital trash. Possible wet weather isn’t likely to help the Texans unless they are able to run the ball at will. The Texans get rolled up to hit 6-6, and we’ll see if Brock is terrible enough again to get Bill O’Brien to change his stance on the QB situation.

Capt. Ron: Packers 34, Texans 17.

Green Bay knows the formula by now, and Aaron Rodgers (or his backup, or that guy's backup) will get a double-digit lead early on Houston against questionable coverage by the linebackers and safeties. Green Bay’s walking wounded of a defense will stack the box with warm bodies and shut down the run. Then they will shift to a two-deep safety man coverage as Brock will be forced to throw. He'll either put it all together in the frozen tundra, much to our great surprise and excitement, or perhaps the final nail will be tapped into place as the realization of this season comes crashing down to a 6-6 record, dangling off the edge of a cliff in which Houston's fans stare back into the abyss of QB hell. I hope I'm wrong, but I have no reason to think otherwise at this point.

Mike: Packers 38, Texans 20.

Aaron Rodgers is still one of the best quarterbacks in the league despite Green Bay's 5-6 record. Houston's offense is still utterly dysfunctional despite their 6-5 record. Expect the Packers to go up fast on Houston and most of the Texans' 20 points to come in garbage time.

Weston: Packers 24, Texans 17.

The Texans' defense is really good. I don't think about sportz like this really anymore, but dammit, I'm proud of how this defense has recovered without J.J. Watt. The Packers have no run game. Zero. You or I could get some carries behind Ty Montgomery if we could learn the play book faster than Christine Michael. Aaron Rodgers is going to throw the ball like 45 times, and this secondary has shown every week that they can cover anyone and hinder any pass offense--Aaron Rodgers be damned.

The problem is that as good as the defense has been, the offense is the worst in the league. They can't score more than 20 points. The two times they did was against Kansas City, when a field goal heavy fourth quarter and short fields created by fumble recoveries brought them to 23, and against Tennessee, which required a Will Fuller punt return TD to put them to 27. Green Bay has a top ten run defense, but they don't really have a pass rush and their secondary has been banged up. I don't see Houston being able to run the ball well, and the scheme has been so stupid for so long that this game is going to be a Rodgers versus Osweiler duel. I'm picking Rodgers every time.

That being said, the defense will limit the Packers. Green Bay isn't good enough to blow the Texans out. It's going to be another one possession Houston loss.

BFmf’nD: Packers 31, Texans 13.

Green Bay is a better team than their record, but it's still fairly average. They've been banged up all year, and especially defensively aside from Clay Matthews, they're actually getting healthy.

The difference maker, however, is Aaron Rodgers. After a slow start to his season, he's really started to heat up, increasing both his yards/attempt and QB rating at a nice pace.

As wonderful as the Texans' defense has been this year, they're going to be on the field a lot on Sunday. At some point, it seems like the offense will ask too much of the defense, and I feel like this is that game. There's just no reason to expect anything from BILL O'BRIEN'S SUPERGENIUS OFFENSE for this game.

Luke: Packers 24, Texans 13.

Another week, another team with a really potent offense that we could probably beat if our offense put up more than 20 points. Alas, it cannot and thus our hopes of pulling off this victory are slim.

Feel free to use the comments below to give your own prediction on the game. Also be sure to remember alcohol isn’t on sale until noon Sunday, so stock up ahead of time.