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Battle Red Balls: Season Finale (Texans v. Titans)

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Let us boldly predict which Texans will be stand out in Sunday’s game against the Titans.

Cincinnati Bengals v Houston Texans Photo by Tim Warner/Getty Images

You’re shocked and stunned, saddened and somber at the news. Yes, it’s true, this is the season finale of Battle Red Balls. The last time in 2016 you’ll get to read this glorious piece on the Masthead’s balls.

There there. It’ll be alright. All. Right.

While the game might seem meaningless in several ways, a win is a win, and winning cures all. So, let’s see how well we think the individual stars of the Houston Texans are going to fair this week against the Tennessee Titans.

Capt. Ron:

Offense: Tom Savage says, "I'm gonna light you up, sweet cheeks" as he gets his unit playing up=tempo in a rare and dominating performance.

Defense: Brian Cushing has an explosive game, leading the defense with tackles and an interception.

Luke Beggs:

Offense: Will Fuller, hopefully catching a TD pass

Defense: Benardrick McKinney with 15+ tackles against a heavy dose of Exotic Methmouth.

TIM!

Offense: Alfred Blue. He's going to get a ton of work as the Texans look to keep the clock moving and to leave Nashville without any injuries.

Defense: A.J. Bouye. Matt Cassel will give the Texans' best defensive back this season his second interception of the year.

Mike:

Offense: Nick Novak. The All Field Goal Offense ends the season in style with five, yes FIVE!, field goals and an extra point.

Defense: Whitney Mercilus. @Merci380 gets a scoop and score that drives the last nail in the Tennessee coffin for 2016.

Uprooted Texan:

Offense: Tom Savage shows Tennessee what a legitimate quarterback looks like, or a reasonable facsimile of such.

Defense: Jadeveon Clowney feels sad that he won't get to devour Marcus Mariota's soul, but will make do with Matt Cassel's instead.

There you have it, the last of the 2016 season balls are bouncing!

Before we send you off to the comment section, already in progress, we thought you’d enjoy this video that may or may not have been filmed by BFD: