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Battle-Day Bagover: The Memorial Day Hangbaggening

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Like Master and Blaster, the Two-Day Hangover and Battle Red Bag combine into something completely weird and vaguely unsettling. Enjoy!

Jerry Lai-USA TODAY Sports

On the list of things that are annoying about social media and the people who use social media[1], somewhere near the top has to be the people who feel the need to remind you what to "remember" about every holiday. "Oh, you thought Christmas was about CONSUMERISM AND PLAYSTATIONS?!? Well let me explain, in the most pedantic and condescending way possible WHY YOU'RE WRONG!"

This annoyance seems to be compounded on Memorial Day, however, as the people who want to remind you that this day isn't about BBQing[2] generally go off on some tangent about "thanking a veteran."

Don't get me wrong -- you should thank a veteran whenever possible, regardless of the day of the year, because those folks deserve the hell out of your gratitude. It's just that Memorial Day is not Veterans Day; Memorial Day is specifically for remembering men and women who died in service to America as a member of the Armed Forces. Veterans Day, on the other hand, is for honoring -- wait for it -- veterans.

More importantly (perhaps), the people who want to preach at you on Facebook about the reason for this season have it exactly wrong. It is entirely possible to BBQ, have some beers, and enjoy your day off of work while still remembering the men and women who gave the ultimate sacrifice because that collective sacrifice is why you can do these things in the first place. And, as Hunter S. Thompson noted, "Freedom is something that dies unless it's used."

grungedave:

Can we all agree the new RHCP song is terrible? And that everything they have done since 'Can't Stop' is absolutely mediocre? Related, every Foo Fighters song since 'Best of You' is redundant and boring.

The new song, which apparently titled "The Getaway," is indeed awful. It sounds like the Chili Peppers decided to make a Donna Summer tribute, then gave up on the project about halfway through.

I think you might be giving RHCP too much credit, however, because I always felt like "Can't Stop" was a weak attempt to capture whatever mojo they had in the "Give It Away" era. I'd draw the line at the "Californication" album and say everything after that has been mediocre or worse.

As far as the Foo Fighters part...I have no disagreement with you there.

6,720.

Total number of U.S. military deaths since 2001.

6,500.

Approximate number of suicides by former military members...in 2012 alone. Politicians (of all stripes) like to present themselves as strongly pro military, yet most of them do nothing to help veterans once their time in the service ends. It's a disgusting failure on the part of so many people that it's difficult to wrap your head around it. At a bare minimum, we should be putting more effort into understanding traumatic brain injury and its long-term health consequences. That would not end the problem, but it would be a good first step to dealing with at least one exacerbating factor.

/soapbox

Diehard Chris:

What are the most underrated and overrated war movies?

Rather than narrow down this list to just two movies -- because where is the fun in that? -- I'll do you one better and give the most overrated and underrated movie for specific, major American conflicts. But first, let's define "overrated" and "underrated," because different people use them to mean different thing.

When I say something is "overrated," I'm saying that it is generally held in a higher regard than its own merits would seem to warrant. By this definition, the best movie in a particular category cannot be overrated because it is rated properly vis-a-vis the other movies in that category. By "underrated," I mean...basically the opposite of what I just wrote.

Good? Good. Let's do this. I'll throw in some explanations.

American Revolution. Overrated: The Patriot  Underrated: The Devil's Disciple.

It's not that The Patriot is terrible or anything, but it seems to have grown more popular over the years solely because it had a young Heath Ledger. I halfway suspect that the people who consider it to be better than it was are also not troubled by glaring anachronisms in movies in the same way that I am.

Civil War. Overrated: Glory. Underrated: Gettysburg.

Again, I don't think Glory is bad by any stretch. I just have never been able to buy Ferris Bueller as Robert Gould Shaw. Gettysburg, on the other hand, seems to suffer reputation-wise simply because it was made by the same guy who made the awful Gods & Generals.

World War I. Overrated: Lawrence of Arabia. Underrated: Hell's Angels.

Hell's Angels is a 1930 film about British pilots that almost no one seems to have seen. It's no All Quiet on the Western Front, but it's still good and deserves to be mentioned.

World War II. Overrated: The English Patient. Underrated: Run Silent, Run Deep.

The English Patient sucked and you're a tasteless moron if you say otherwise. Run Silent, Run Deep is just late-1950s badassery in film form.

Koren War. Overrated: MacArthur. Underrated: Pork Chop Hill.

It's entirely possible that my dislike of MacArthur is influenced by the General's being from Arkansas. I cannot deny this. That said, I don't know how you do a movie that is supposed to span 20 years of someone's life and not have that person or his wife look a day older at the end of the film than they did at the beginning. That's lazy.

Vietnam. Overrated: Platoon. Underrated: The Siege of Firebase Gloria.

Platoon was less a movie and more Oliver Stone's masturbatory fantasy. Firebase Gloria, however, is one of the three or four best war movies of all time.

Cold War. Overrated: Red Dawn. Underrated: Rocky IV.

Red Dawn was The Breakfast Club with guns. Rocky IV ended the Cold War. Neither of these statements is debatable.

Post 9/11 Conflicts. Overrated: The Hurt Locker. Underrated: Battle for Haditha.

Hurt Locker was good, no argument. But I still can't figure out why so many people consider it to be a Great Movie. The stress of disarming bombs makes for wonderful (if easy) tension, but lots of movies have tension (and don't have Jeremy Renner). Haditha, on the other hand, is powerful and makes you feel actual emotions.

Weird Fact I Just Learned.

A strawberry is not actually a berry. It is an "aggregate accessory fruit," and the seeds of a strawberry are not seeds, but "achenes," which are derived from the pistil of the plant.

Rip Jersey:

I've never written to you before, seeing how we have always had a love/hate relationship and writing to you means I'm opening myself to your public criticism. But, needless to say, your writing has been inspiring and as a result I have experienced some epic dumps over the years. I wanted you to know that because due credit should be acknowledged. My question to you: Have I inspired you in some like fashion and would you care to share it with us? I realize this is a "no-holds-barred" question, but the entertainment value just can't be measured, so have at it!

If I were ranking the things that have inspired me in some form or the other, you would rank somewhere between Kraft American slices and dryer lint.

Random Archer Quote

"Excuse me while I take on this air with my sweet kung fu moves!"

Tim:

A hypothetical for you...

You're visiting a city you haven't been to before. Fortunately, one of your friends has a considerable amount of familiarity with that very city and has long sung the praises of a particular restaurant in said city. In fact, he has repeatedly claimed that this one restaurant is where he had the greatest steak he ever had the good fortune to eat.

You, believing your associate to be a person of relative intelligence and scruples, make it a point to lead your traveling party to dine at the lauded eatery. Alas, the meal is a disaster. The food is mediocre at best, one patron cuts his mouth on a chipped glass and bleeds profusely throughout much of the meal, and the service approaches a level of negligence rarely seen at a reputedly high-end establishment. Of course, the bill comes, and it's steakhouse prices, so it's not like it was a cheap mistake. Naturally, the traveling party blames you for the bad experience, seeing as how you insisted on them eating there.

You call you friend and relay the story, expressing disbelief at how different the experience was from the stories your buddy had told. Then, to your shock, your buddy says, "Wow, that's too bad. To be fair, I last ate there about ten years ago, so it's possible it's just not the same place it used to be."

Would you ever listen to a recommendation about anything from this friend again? Additionally, what would be a fair and measured reaction to this sinful omission by said colleague?

I would assume that this incredibly handsome associate knew that the restaurant in question had been in business for nearly a century and had been of particularly high quality for most of that time, thus your associate had no reason to suspect that a ten-year span would lead to such a rapid falling off. I would further assume that your associate called his cousin who still lives in said city and asked about the restaurant before your trip, to which the cousin replied that he'd been there about a year earlier and it was still very good. Meaning, all available evidence suggested that the place would still be wonderful, and your associate should be absolved of any wrongdoing since the factors were outside of his control.

Jay:

It's your birthday. You come home from work to find Mrs. MDC, Alison Brie, and The Houston Chronicle's own John McClain in your living room. Mrs. MDC says, "I wanted to do something special for your birthday. So I arranged for Alison Brie to come over and have sex with you all night long. Her only condition was that you had to let John McClain watch, give his commentary, and join in from time to time." What do you do?

A sane person would say that McClain's participation is a deal-breaker here, but that is shortsighted thinking. Look at that man:

You think that dude is going to actively participate in anything but an all-you-can eat buffet at Sizzler? God no. He's going to get one look at naked Alison Brie, have his already high blood pressure spike to something like 376/200, and die. So...win-win!

Even if he didn't die from the shock of thinking about doing something, there's a certain level of debauchery that someone of Mr. McClain's genteel sensibilities would be unable to watch without crying and questioning his belief system. Mrs. MDC, Alison, and I would shoot past that level in the first 90 seconds.

Jeff:

I have an adult child and her husband living with us. She's 41 and together she and her husband make over 150 k a year. The reason they moved in was to pay off student loans. Am I wrong to think that with the money they make, they should be able to make ends meet? To make things worse, they are slobs. They clean nothing. I'm kind of a neat freak, and it's killing me. I love my daughter, and I can tolerate her husband. What do I do?

This is such an interesting question that I actually bounced it off of the rest of the BRB braintrust for their input. The overwhelming consensus seemed to be that you can definitely expect that your daughter and her husband would move out and take care of themselves, and that this is something that you should be able to address directly with them, seeing as how they are adults.

That said...I get the sense that there's something here that makes you hesitant to bring this up with them directly. If that's the case, then I think you can and should address their slovenly behavior. In a perfect world, a conversation about washing dishes, cleaning bathrooms, etc., would lead to their decision to move out and live in happy filth elsewhere. In a less perfect world, at least they should stop being a slob in your house, which might make the living arrangement more tolerable for you.

Either way, I think the worst plan would be to do nothing. The last thing you want is to resent your daughter. That's not healthy for anyone.

3.

Number of players on the Texans' current roster who are in the Top 10 all-time in sacks as a Texan -- J.J. Watt (first, with 74.5), Whitney Mercilus (third, with 30.0), and Brian Cushing (ninth, with 12.0).

147.

Catches needed by DeAndre Hopkins to pass Owen Daniels for second in receptions in team history.

John:

Have you recovered from your Draft 1st round conniption? What are your thoughts now on this year's draftees?

I suppose I have. I've at least talked myself into Will Fuller's having a specific role and the chance to succeed, even if I'm not super happy with the pick in a vacuum. I love the Braxton Miller and D.J. Reader picks. I hated the trade-ups, however, but that's more an issue of draft philosophy than a gripe about the specific trades.

BFD and Brett have slowly swayed me on the Nick Martin and Tyler Ervin picks, respectively, too. So...I'm good with the draft overall, I guess. For the first time in quite a while, I'm legitimately intrigued about the Texans' offense.

Editor's Note.

You guys did a great job with the questions, especially on short notice, and I got way more than I needed for this post. So I'm going to do another Bagover post in the near future. Thanks for your help. Now, if you'll excuse me, the smoker needs to be tended to. Enjoy your Memorial Day.

***

[1] Which appears to be everyone under the age of 90.

[2] By the way, this is ALWAYS the example they use. It's like the holier-than-thou Facebook users are also vehemently opposed to people BBQing.