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SITE NEWS: Cattle Call For New BRB Contributors!

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Do you writ English gud? Do you like to write about foosballs? In high school, were you voted most likely to helm the Titanic? BattleRedBlog might be the place for you.

When you write for BRB, you have to be the best blogmate you can be.  You're not setting the edge again, MDC.
When you write for BRB, you have to be the best blogmate you can be. You're not setting the edge again, MDC.
Erik Williams-USA TODAY Sports

It's been quite a while since the last time we last put out a call for new contributors for your beloved BattleRedBlog, but we're looking to add a new feature writer or three.  The guidelines for applying are:

1. If you're interested in writing for BRB, please draft a post on anything Texans-related and email it to me.  If you can't figure out how to email me, consider yourself the Frank Bush of BRB.  Your entry can be anything from statistical analysis to satire.  An ode to Morlon Greenwood?  Vince Wilfork fan fic?  Sure!  We are looking for a true feature writer, not just somebody who can write fish-wrap style trite trash.  Just because it's a blog doesn't de facto mean we're looking for cutting edge writing, but we are looking for originality.  If it looks like something by the person on downers who's manning the AP newswire, then no.

2. No profanity.  Do you see profane comments?  Oh, most definitely.  However, when writing, we have the expectation you can use purty words.  Plus, there's the whole workplace-ban list thing.

3. Although there's no hard and fast rule for the number of posts you'd have to author each week, we'd like to see the newest member of our Band of Fools contribute at least four (4) pieces per week.  There are weeks when the news comes hard and fast, and there's most of the off-season, so we're talking about an average of four original posts per week.  We're also looking for somebody who can help with breaking news.

4. Spelling, grammar, punctuation, and especially the Oxford comma all matter.  Spending 30 minutes proof-reading posts is much more painful than it sounds, so we have the expectation our oversight of your work will be minimal.

5. Why, yes!, I can be bribed with beer, hwisky, and food.

6. We can't promise you'll make a dime writing for BRB.  There may be some advertising-related campaign revenue, and I'll be happy to discuss this in greater detail via email.  Most remuneration comes via Tim buying drinks and forcing us to listen to stories about his heritage (especially his dad).

We can promise scores of groupies, hanging out on your front lawn, and it's like freaking Beatlemania every time you walk out your front door.  Or not.

Let's make the deadline a week from today, so please have your entries to me by 12:00pm CDT on 6/23/2016.  Not to scare you, but the entire BRB "staff" will be evaluating your work, probably while not wearing pants.

We look forward to your submissions, and best of luck to you!