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Reddit Brutally Roasted The Indianapolis Colts, And It Was Amazing

You'll hate yourself for laughing, but that doesn't make this any less funny.

Strap in, Andrew. This is going to be rough.
Strap in, Andrew. This is going to be rough.
Steve Mitchell-USA TODAY Sports

The NFL subreddit has been putting on a remarkable offseason series of roasts for all 32 NFL teams, and with the Texans' roast just days away, I thought I would share the best of  Indianapolis’ no-holds-barred whipping from last week. Fair warning: it’s unbelievably brutal, but also immensely satisfying for a degenerate like myself. Proceed at your own discretion.


Trent Richardson has been the only Colt in recent memory to effectively stop the run.


The Broncos have won more Super Bowls with QBs drafted by the Colts than the Colts have.


"86.8% white" is an accurate description of both Indiana's demographics and Chuck Pagano's blood cell count.


Pagano has all the cunning and foresight of Ned Stark.


The thing that really hurt about Peyton Manning heading to Denver is that the state of Indiana lost its most physically attractive person.


And their only projector screen.


Luck told Irsay he needed a line so Jim gave him a gram.


Luck's facial hair is as clean as Irsay's driving record.


If the Colts just signed five random women from any Indiana Walmart, they could beef up their offensive line by an average of 140 pounds.


Last season was the most disappointing thing for Colts fans since Pagano was cleared of cancer.


This isn't so much a roast or an insult as it is a genuine question that I've always wanted to ask.

How in the world do you have a quarterback like Peyton Manning and only win one superbowl. Peyton is one of the BEST quarterbacks to every play the game and he was with you guys for around 13 years and you couldn't make it happen more than once?

Yes, football is a team sport and it takes a lot of moving parts to win a championship. That's my point and it's why I always wonder "how come colts fans aren't frustrated with their franchise".

I mean Denver picked up Peyton and helped him get to 2 superbowls in 4 years. Granted Peyton was already established qb but still.

With the colts, Peyton was breaking records left and right and they couldn't give him enough talent to win multiple superbowls?

Broncos won the superbowl while Peyton threw for 2249 yards, 9 tds, and 17 ints in 10 games.  You're telling me your organization couldn't put some talent around Peyton when he was putting up 4000+ yards and 30+ tds?

Meanwhile, eli has won 2 championships with the giants. The giants organization made it work. They put a defense around him and gave him talent.

How pissed are you guys that you had an all time great and let him go with only 2 SB appearances and 1 win in 12 years. he's a 4 time league mvp. Are colts just a bad organization?

Brady has 6 SB appearances and 4 wins. How do you sleep at night knowing that your team had a once in a lifetime player like Peyton but only managed to win one? Speaks volumes about your front office more than it does of Peyton. I mean it's proven that Peyton still had the talent. He showed us with his time with the broncos.


You know it's bad when a coach's legacy would have been better off if he had just died from cancer.


The only reason the Colts drafted Peyton Manning is that there weren't enough drugs in Indiana to sustain both Jim Irsay AND Ryan Leaf.


Andrew Luck has a tremendous amount of talent and grit. He almost reminds me of all-time great John Elway. I say almost because only Elway was smart enough to refuse to play for the Colts.


People who say "there's no such thing as bad press" have never seen the Colts secondary play.


The only thing in Indiana that the rest of America gives two shits about is a parks department in a fictional town.


I love away games in Indianapolis for all the legendary BBQ music fine dining culture attractive women meth and homophobia.


Trent Richardson for a 1st isn't even their worst use of a 1st round pick in the past five years.


The Indianapolis Clots: A mediocre to shitty American football team that migrated from the cesspool of Baltimore to clogging up the heartland of America. A team who also clogs up a playoff spot every year by beating 2 expansion teams and some other bottom dweller I can’t remember the name of. They are the smartest kid on the short bus that gets mistakenly over-rated each year as a quality football team, get sent to play with the big boys, get eliminated but still hold up their participation gold stars with a goofy grin on their dopey neckbearded face while their meth-addled, homophobic fanbase sprays Mountain Dew two liters and does celebratory laps on their Wal-Mart scooters to commemorate the single super bowl that Peyton Manning delivered to this sprawling bland mess of a city. Their most significant play last year was so ugly it will make you forget about Paul George's leg breaking.

I feel like a terrible person for laughing at each and every one of these jokes, but you know what, I’m okay with that. If making fun of Jim Irsay and Chuck Pagano is wrong, I don’t want to be right.

Got a few digs of your own for our least favorite division rival? Drop them in the comments below and let the hate out.