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SITE NEWS: Battle Red Blog Signs Free Agent Writer, Hopes He's More Johnathan Joseph Than Ed Reed

BRB has added another featured writer to the fold, and this one has Bill O'Brien's stamp of approval. Or it would, if he knew about it.

Do not tell Bill O'Brien that the newest BRB writer is not Rick Ross.
Do not tell Bill O'Brien that the newest BRB writer is not Rick Ross.
Chuck Cook-USA TODAY Sports

Ed. Note: We told you we were looking for new voices to add to the screamin' room here at BRB, and we'll be unveiling them one by one over the next few weeks.  Consider this Part II in the series.

An extensive search for a writer who personifies the mission and values of the Battle Red Blog led the SB Nation staff to the doorstep of Richard Walker (or "GreatSportsMorpheus"), a football junkie who studies film of himself watching film when he's not actually watching games.

Free agent writer and local football connoisseur Richard Walker signed an exclusive deal with SB Nation, the team announced Thursday afternoon. Terms were not fully disclosed; however, there are reports of lots of BBQ and Blue Bell being used in the negotiation process to seal the deal. If he were informed of Walker's signing, Texans Head Coach Bill O'Brien would probably quickly glance at a photo of Walker and shout in excitement, "Is that Rick Ross?"

Walker brings a style of analysis to Battle Red Blog that fans can truly appreciate.  It's a southern-style recipe that includes heavy servings of insight, honesty, a splash of perspective that he acquired from his own experiences on the gridiron, and the zeal of a wild fan at a tailgate. While it is certainly important to bring strong football analysis to the table, Walker also shared some secrets to success for fans to follow off the field as well. It is his hope that enlightening our readers will help them to prepare to enjoy this season. Here are a few things that every fan can do to prepare for the return of football:

1. Batteries, batteries and more batteries! Your remote control is the center of your football universe as a fan.  Make sure that you are able to flip channels efficiently so that you can catch updates between commercial breaks without missing key plays!

2. BBQ wood selection - Never be predictable on the pit! Your fellow tailgaters will call you out on it! Mix cherry, oak, hickory, mesquite, apple and other woods to create a playbook of flavors for your favorite tailgate treats! Keep them guessing!

3. Gear, gear and more gear! At every game or event, there's always at least one guy who wears the jersey of a player who is no longer with the team. C'mon, guys.  It's time to retire the David Carr, Matt Schaub, Ed Reed and Andre Johnson jerseys. Welcome to 2016.