SITE NEWS: Newest BRB Writer Fumbles In Red Zone, Writes Entire Introductory Post In Third Person

Ed. Note: We told you we were looking for new voices to add to the screamin' room here at BRB, and we'll be unveiling them one by one over the next few weeks.  Consider this Part IV in the series.

HOUSTON – By the time he was 17, Battle Red Blog’s newest scribe Mike Bullock had come to realize several important things. One, he was never going to be a professional football player (not just because he lacked the size, strength and athleticism of a pro baller, but more likely due to the lack of ability to make it across town to Pop Warner practice for the previous 12 years). Two, he was a better writer than athlete – even though writing wasn’t nearly as fun as playing football. And three, those two things were never going to change.

So, faced with these harsh realities of life, Bullock did what any aspiring, yet doomed-to-fail wannabe athlete would do: he became a professional musician.

After a decade of touring and recording in a handful of metal bands, Bullock finally decided to hang up the musical cleats and dive into writing. This was the break he’d always wanted: finally a chance to expand his nightly dinner menu beyond the gourmet choices of Ramen Noodles, Absolut and Killian’s Irish Red that he had subsisted on for most of his adult life.

Wasting no time, Bullock enrolled in a prestigious (or not) journalism school. However, after several months in college, he was unable to decide which biased agenda would underscore his budding career as a reporter and he switched over to creative writing instead. Once again, he set his football passions aside to pursue another career.

Through all those years, Bullock’s love of the gridiron never waned as he watched and re-watched football games constantly, immersed himself in the competitive world of Madden football from the very first Sega edition and (very, very) briefly coached at the high school level.

But, the second truth remained ever-present – for a wannabe professional athlete, he made a pretty decent writer.

Finally the "Ah Ha!" moment arrived when Bullock was invited to cover a few NFL and NCAA football teams for an up-and-coming football website (it was up-and-coming, but now it’s unfortunately down-and-gone – don’t ask).

That was it! The lightbulb moment! He realized he could write… about football… what a concept!

As fate would have it, after leaving the now defunct site like a proverbial rat off a sinking ship, Bullock’s thirst for stringing together football related words was stronger than ever. That thirst would remain unquenched for several years…

So, he decided to start up the football site Redzoneplay.com. However, before he got the site fully up and running, the greatest gig in all of sports writing crashed into his lap(top) like Vince Wilfork dunking a basketball.

Battle Red Blog was calling for new writers! Bullock feverishly hammered out sentences of nonsense about average yards per carry and how air pressure could lead to a win in Week Three, desperately hoping the famed bloggers would find him worthy.

Once the distinguished gentlemen (and women) of BRB welcomed him aboard, just as Matt Hasselback knew when he received his first piece of fan mail, Bullock knew he had arrived.

Yes. He could write! He could write about football! He could write about football for BATTLE RED BLOG (insert fanfare and leftover ticker tape used in the 2012 Super Bowl)!

But first, he had to pull himself together…

With a few deftly placed slaps across the face from BFD, Bullock was back in action and ready to grind out paragraphs like Arian Foster diving for first downs… only Bullock won’t leave Houston for Miami. Ever - so don’t ask (unless you’re offering millions; then go ahead and ask).