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Reddit Roasts The Houston Texans, And It's Absolutely Hilarious

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Texans fans are going to need some thick skin for this one.

Erik Williams-USA TODAY Sports

The NFL subreddit held their roast for our beloved Houston Texansfew days ago, and it was just as brutal as you probably expected it to be. Nobody in NRG stadium was safe from their verbal barbs, and that includes the fans themselves. Here are some of the highlights:

SeahawksNintendog24

Hopkins is a true Texan. Talking tough during the week but once Sunday hit, he just rolled over and gave up.

Pantherspalmmoot

This roast has so much potential Rick Smith just stashed it on IR.

EaglesFlyers789

Brock Osweiler has 40 more career completions than Johnny Manziel.

TexansTrapped_SCV

Our franchise is so boring that the top post in our burn thread isn't even about us. At least people care about the Browns instead of the eternal crippling mediocrity that is the Texans.

CowboysColdhandss

DeAndre Hopkins looks like a really good WNBA player.

ChiefsThePelvicWoo

He and Kelvin Benjamin would be the best front court in the WNBA.

Giantsjfarbzz

When you post something on Reddit, you automatically start with 1 upvote. Which means that most of the comments on this thread have more points than the Texans in the playoffs last year.

SeahawksDeusExAnimus

There are so many ways to roast the Texans, but I will just pick six.

1. Oilers.

2. People only care about your city when there is a problem.

3. Andre Johnson

4. 2013

5. The Colts managed to draft back to back franchise QB's while you are so bad you haven't even bothered trying to draft one since 2011 2014 (Something, Something, hasn't won with drafted QB)

6. You squandered your one year where the Colt's were trash, and now you will have to wait until Luck retires for another shot.

TexansTexas301 672 points 2 days ago

"I'll just pick 6." F***.

Broncosmeeseeksanddestroy

How much power does it take for the Texans to go to the Super Bowl? I don't know, but it's more than one Watt.

EaglesFlyers789

JJ Watt only hates those trees because every year they get a ring.

Texansimyourking12

Sounds like the Eagles and JJ have something in common.

EaglesFlyers789

It was just a joke man. No need to jump down my throat. Not like I did something heinous like take a selfie.

Packerstheme69

Sorry I'm late to the roast my alarm clock didn't go off.

PanthersxzElmozx

DOES ANYONE HAVE A ROAST FOR RYAN MALLET.

EaglesStarlordPunk

None of us can roast the Texans quite as well as Brian Hoyer did in the playoffs.

SeahawksSuper_Nerd92

Your best player in franchise history now hates you so much he'll play for any AFC South team that'll take him.

Titansdesrever1138

Chiefsamplifier__worship

What's the order for how these roasts are being posted e.g. by conference, alphabetical, etc.? It seems erratic and random, much like Brian Hoyer's decision-making.

EaglesStarlordPunk

The Texans are one of the few teams who are named after a state, and they're not even the most popular team in that state.

Giantsmrmagoo512

The Texans' best tight end is JJ Watt...

SaintsRedhawkDirector

Fifteen for thirty-four, a hundred and thirty-six yards, four interceptions.

Texansjake9790

If Texans fans could read, that would probably be insulting.

TexansMugiMartin

BroncosFootballMan15

Everything is bigger in Texas.

Especially playoff meltdowns.

Barian_Fostate

I have yet to go anywhere within the city limits of Houston during summer time without feeling like I’m standing inside of a wet, sticky asshole.

ChiefsThePelvicWoo

The only person hit harder than Enron shareholders in the early 2000s was David Carr.

ChargersErn-Cockworthington

The Tennessee Titans are the only Houston franchise to make it to a Super Bowl.

ColtsKappnDingDong

It's hard to come up with good roasts for a team who's Super Bowl is beating a divisional rival in their stadium for the first time in franchise history.

DolphinsTouchymonkey

I don't think any roast will burn deeper than the Texans passing on Derek Carr. Twice.

BroncosFunkyMonks15

If not for Olajuwon, Houston would be the worst sports city in America. And that's including Cleveland.

Ouch. Just….ouch.