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Texans 0, Patriots 27: Post-Game Recap/Texans Final Score

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NFL: Houston Texans at New England Patriots Greg M. Cooper-USA TODAY Sports

No, I don’t want to do it. I don’t want to recap this stupid game. Nobody can make me. It’s 5 in the morning and I stayed up to watch this aberration. Screw that. Alright, fine, if we’re going to do this, we’re going to do it my way.

Cool, now we can proceed.

So where to start? Let’s go with the fact that with two minutes to go in the 3rd quarter, the Texans finally managed to snap the ball inside the Patriots’ half of the field. Yes, that’s right. The Texans took an entire half to move the ball past the 50 yard line. The Patriots quite simply shut the Texans down by taking away the deep ball through the usage of Cover 2 (credit to Matt and BFD for calling it) which forced everything short and inside, which is something the Texans just couldn’t do.

Shall we discuss the special teams? Both Tyler Ervin and Charles James fumbled the ball on kickoff returns, which led to the Patriots recovering the ball in prime position for them to turn these apparent gifts into points; needless to say, they did rather comfortably. This was mostly because the Texans’ defense looked gassed and was unable to deal with anything the Patriots did. Run it up the gut? Sure! How about a jet sweep to Julian Edelman? Only if we can miss a few tackles before you reach that first down marker!

I think it’s indicative that Charles James, a player who is beloved for his happy go lucky nature and colourful persona, would be the one to be crushed by the Patriots. It would be him, the most vibrant of the Texans players, that would have his soul grinded out of his body by the mechanical misery that is the Patriots. I said in the staff’s predictions that I was Mulder from ‘The X-Files.’ I just wanted to believe that we could do it. I believe no more.

Okay, fanciful rhetoric and hyperbole aside, there is no way to sugarcoat this. We lost badly to a 3rd string quarterback, and that’s not good. What comes next for this team? I have absolutely no clue, but this was humbling and also a reminder that this team isn’t close to being where we thought it might be. This isn’t a statement on how the Texans’ season will ultimately turn out. This is one loss in a season of 16 games. The Texans could very well go 15-1, and that’d be cool, but at the end of that, they’d still have to probably go through this Patriots team, which is something that as of right now they just cannot do. This is the sense of finality that this loss brings. No matter how well we do from here on out, there is a team out there that can out punch the Texans any day.

As usual, the comments are yours to do with whatever you want within reason and site rules and regulations. Enjoy your bleach and the rest of your evening.

Courtesy of Dunsmore and the BRB Meme Factory.