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Houston Texans v New England Patriots
o/~ I wish he was special...so very special...o/~
Photo by Maddie Meyer/Getty Images

I don’t want to talk about this game. I don’t want to summarize the first half, please don’t make me do it.

Sigh, okay, you big bully.

You may think this post is disorganized and confused, but really this is just my homage to the Texans first half.

Just once I want to see a complete four quarter performance by the Texans against the Patriots.

Why are they remaking MacGyver?

Please change your socks Charles James. Like right now. Because whatever socks you’re wearing now aren’t cutting it.

I think Bill O’Brien needs to go back to the school of clock management again, because why call those time outs?

We get it, Phil Simms and Jim Nantz, you’re rooting for New England. We really, really get it.

Is Brock Osweiler the new Matt Schaub or is Matt Schaub the old Brock Osweiler?

From Twitter (and posted in the 2Q thread): If the Battle of San Jacinto were aired on prime time, Houston would still be part of Mexico. I’d be more pissed if I didn’t think this was accurate.

We get it, Walt Coleman, you and the rest of the refs are rooting for New England. We get it. We really get it.

Okay, enough of this. The third quarter starts now. Y’all enjoy, Imma start playing Radiohead on loop, crawl into a bottle of Hendrick’s, and drink until I can’t feel things anymore.