If you have been reading BRB long enough, you know that we like to have a little chat with our “enemy” blogs on a weekly basis to get their perspective on upcoming games and what they think about their own teams. You also know that we tend to…uh…“skip” Titans week when it comes to this little ritual because, quite frankly, they don’t like us very much over there in good ol’ Methopotamia.
Never fear though, dear readers, because this week we actually found a substitute Titans blogger to answer all of these questions – our very own Houston Diehards! Don’t let the name fool you, folks. He actually used to be a real, paid blogger on all things Titans back in the day, and he still considers himself to be an expert on bad football, tooth decay, and wild ginseng harvesting. Just thinking about his glory days as an authority on the Titans tends to transform him back into the native Tennessean that he forced himself to become in another life.
I can only hope that he makes a swift recovery after our interview is over. Please pray for him, ladies and gentlemen.
1. What's the worst thing about the Titans, either on or off the field?
For me, the worst thing about the Titans ON the field is the numbers. Those numbers on the field - do we plus'em? Do we minus'em? Or do we call someone and see if they can help times'em together - what do they mean? Is it a code that unlocks the secrets to a coachin' hire? A passin' offense? If you put'em in the right order, does it tell you what the wide receiver is supposed to do? Also not likin' the uniforms. We been hollerin' for coon tails hangin' out the back of the helmets. We been hollerin' for somethin' that speaks more to our heritage. You know, somethin' all southern-like and not somethin' the lame-stream media likes.
2. I would say what's the best thing, but I don't think that exists. What's the least worst thing instead?
Are you askin' me about the best thing period, or the best thing about the Titans? The best thing about the Titans is one day a week I can drink, fight, and pass out when I ain't workin' so can't nobody tell me nothin' about nothin'. The best thing period? Boy, that's a tough'n. I reckon over-the-counter cold medicine is up there near the top of the list. And that instantgram - that instantgram where you'n can put a picture of your gun on the Googlenet.
3. Do you consider Marcus Mariota to be the future?
The future? The future is a conspiracy. You can look that up on Alex Jones. There used to be a time I could leave my backdoor unlocked without any fear of of the trailer gettin' robbed. Now, the whole world is one big trailer and "everyone" is invited. Know what I mean? You know what I mean.
4. Why the **** did the Titans not go hard after Chip Kelly when he was available in order to reunite him with Mariota? That still baffles me to this day.
Well I ain't yet one time trusted a man named Chip. Chip peddles this thing called "sports science" and I don't know what that means but I know it's got science, and science is future stuff, and if you ain't learnt nothin' from this here pow-wow, the future is a conspiracy.
5. What are your expectations for Tennessee this season?
My expectations are the same for the Titans every year. I drink, I watch football, and I deserve a winner. Ain't sure yet if'n I trust that quarterback. There's somethin' about him I can't quite put my finger on. I just want someone to make my Titans great again because I miss the times it was worth not passin' out before the start of the fourth quarter.
Really? You can’t quite put your finger on why you don’t like Marcus Mariota?
Here, I’ll help you. He’s one of them. You know who I’m talking about. Seedy, untrustworthy folk. To Tennesseans, people like him shouldn’t even still be in the country. They are a lesser people. They are disgusting. They are…sober.
Ugh, I bet he’s never even had a pull of ‘shine from a jug. Gross, right? No wonder he doesn’t fit in.