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Incompletions: Texans v. Titans (Who Cares?)

With so much to write and talk about after every game, and not enough time for one man to write about it all, the masthead joins together and writes about the Texans’ first division loss.

NFL: Houston Texans at Tennessee Titans Jim Brown-USA TODAY Sports

Matt Weston:

When this vessel that has carried me throughout space and time finally fails me, I will lie there during that last moment and think about how beautiful life is one last time, and how much of it that was wasted watching yesterday’s game.

This Is Going To Be Me One Day.

Capt Ron:

A coach who was touted as being a QB guru and offensive-minded steward of a "Patriots-esque" system is responsible for the Texans' starting QB suffering a concussion on a QB sneak in a meaningless game one week before a meaningful playoff game. Bill O'Brien is also responsible for an offense that goes down in NFL history as the playoff team with the fewest touchdowns (25) during the regular season, and a point differential of -49, third-worst for a division champion since 1970.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the roster, the Houston Texans finished as the league’s top-ranked defense for the 2016 regular season without the services of J.J. Watt and several other key starters throughout much of the season. Huge salute to Romeo Crennel, Mike Vrabel, John Butler and Anthony Weaver!

I think we all know where the problem is, and it isn't just the performances of eight different starting QBs over the last three years. This offensive system simply doesn’t work. It may be bad game-planning, bad position coaching, bad play-calling, and/or poor execution by players, but it simply isn’t functioning. I don’t necessarily mind O’Brien as a head coach, but the Texans need another offensive system next year and a coordinator who can manage the game on that side of the ball.


The best thing that could happen to the Houston Texans in the offseason is that Bill O'Brien finds employment elsewhere. No matter what certain reports say, there's no way in Hades Uncle Bob cuts ties with OFFENSIVE SUPERGENIUS BILL O'BRIEN otherwise. Whomever is responsible for signing Brock Osweiler--most likely Rick Smith—should also be bounced.

Sure, this is a playoffs team, but it's a crappy one with far too much talent. Being happy with a 9-7 record is the definition of striving for mediocrity. Today, we saw just how little difference there is between the BE-SFs and your Houston Texans, and that difference does not lie with the team's talent.

Matt Weston:

Peace out, Gary. I loved watching your offense when it was clicking, showing once again that execution is more important than scheme. Thank you for making the Texans relevant and an actual good football team for the first time in franchise history. Those teams enriched my life during those times of sun0drenched youth. It’s a damn shame what happened to Matt Schaub in 2011. Although I hated watching Peyton Manning win a title while being the worst quarterback in the NFL and ending his career with Budweiser and Papa John kissing, I think it was karmic justice and the universe rewarding you for Albert Haynesworth who was signed by the Bucs that same week, devouring Schaub’s foot in the pile and ruining your magnum opus, the greatest Texans team of all time. Enjoy your free time. Go visit the national parks or build model trains or something.

Luke Beggs:

I still maintain that focusing my attention on the season premiere of “Sherlock” instead of the last half hour of this game was a better investment of my time.

That being said, I did watch the entire first half...

I'm all worded out. I've run out of words to describe this team and its performances over the season. So in the spirit of Hemmingway, I'm going to vanquish all adjectives and simply say they were bad. Not good, but bad. This game was bad. This season as a whole has been bad, punctuated by only brief moments of good that were often washed over like rocks on the shoreline by waves of badness (yes I know these aren't words, but like I said I ran out of words so I'm coming up with new ones). I've lost the will to word things now. This is what watching the team has done to me. I'm ready to go. Take me now, off-season. Bring me into your sweet embrace so that I may discuss matters of the draft and free agency without having to contemplate the realities of what they will eventually lead to.