Toward the end of Sunday’s game, we more or less got bored with the game and wished for the sweet release of death. You saw the game. You can understand why. At about the point where Tom Savage threw the biggest “what the hell were you thinking” interception of the game, we began to put together an incomplete list of who/what we would rather see play quarterback than Tom Savage.
And it was a pretty solid list too, with the best names/inanimate objects. Since I have nothing else I want to bring up about yesterday’s game, here’s who we’d rather see under center than Tom Savage*:
Teddy Touchdown since [American Hero] #TeamKeenum is balling out
(at their current age)
*This list is incomplete and there’s undoubtedly other people/vegetables/things which we’d rather have as quarterback.
Honestly, I’d be fine with any of these under center, but alas, it is not to be.
Now on to this week’s HotD. As always, in finest HotD tradition, all swear words have been replaced with [kitten] to make this safe to read at work. It’s just our way of saying “thank you” and “why are you still watching?”
Los Angeles will likely build a statue of Wade Phillips in remembrance of what his defense unleashed upon the injury-riddled Houston Texans on this day.
Jared Goff would have met his match in a shootout against Deshaun Watson today, but the universe stole that from us.
Bracing for impact...
It seems like a really bad omen when you wake up first thing in the morning and have "I Love LA" stuck in your head; doubly so since I hate that song.
I've been to LA four times and each time I felt like there was some really cool party that everyone was going to that I heard about but didn't know where it was at.
You know what'd be a worse omen? Waking up next to MDC.
COULD Y'ALL IMAGINE WHAT KIND OF MAGIC BOB COULD WORK WITH #TEAMKEENUM???
Keenum, Osweiler, and Fitzpatrick have both been better outside of HOU. I can't wait until Mallett gets his shot in BAL again.
Just got back from Portland. Are we losing yet?
I wonder if Miller will get cut this offseason.
What do y'all think?
Lamar or Braxton? Because I could see either one out.
(Tom Savage gets strip-sacked, turns over the ball at the Texans’ 12 yard line)
MDC (to BFD)
No, that's not a bad omen for the future; it's a glaring reminder that you made poor decisions last night.
Whoever had two minutes and 27 seconds in the "when will Tom Savage turnover the ball first" contest, please come forward to claim your prize.
Bortles just went peak Bort against the chargers.
(Rams kick a field goal, LA leads 3-0.)
Yeah I'd cut Lamar.
Same, I haven't been impressed by him at all since he was signed by the team.
(Lamar Miller breaks a long run)
Wow, I'm reverse jinxing.
Man, I'd cut Lamar Miller next week.
*Crosses fingers for a TD run*
The reverse jinx is working, guys.
That's about the most perfect throw that Tom Savage will ever make and Ellington bobbles it.
Sigh...we're so [kitten]ed.
I wish I was dead
And the award for the QB Most Likely to Get His WR Killed is....opens envelope...TOM SAVAGE!
I thought he was accurate, will improve, knows BOB's system, four (4!!!!) years, and we just need to give him a chance?
Awkward Ferris wheel is my favorite scene change footage
UT (to Weston)
Better than the fish toss? Them's some strong words.
Carlos Watkins with the mediocre J.J. impression.
McKinney + A gap stunt blitz = luv4evah
Weston (to UT)
Better than fish toss
Muscle beach can [kitten] off though
(Unnecessary roughness called against the Rams)
Glory to all-penalty offense.
That shouldn't have been a penalty as Ellington was spun into him.
This is easily the best Savage has looked as a pro. He's getting rid of the ball quickly, which is something he's never done in the past. On the other hand, the 4.5 y/a so far is not acceptable.
Texans played a good game of keepaway in the first quarter. Gotta credit O'Brien for that.
Back to reverse jinxing.
Tom Savage needs to be cut after today's game if not sooner.
BFD (to Jeremy)
Sorry, Jeremy, but I'll credit the defensive play over anything BOB has done so far. THOUGH, as said, it looks like he's schemed Savage with quick hitters, so that's a nice change.
(Texans call a timeout because they can’t get the right players out on the field for a field goal attempt)
[Kitten] BOB, figure out your personnel shifting.
Use a time out because we can't get the field goal team in? And not take the penalty? Goodness.
(Fairbairn misses the field goal attempt. Rams lead 3-0.)
In essence, BOB iced his own kicker.
Cooper Kupp + block Jadeveon Clowney = LOL4eva
(Will Fuller sustains an injury to the ribs, does not return to the game.)
That's the last we'll see of Fuller this year, probably; if this season has been any indication.
/remembers comment earlier about Savage killing a WR
(Savage throws a touchdown to Ellington. Texans lead 7-6.)
Good Durga, this offense looks nothing like it did in Week 1, 2016, 2015, well, you get where I'm going with this.
I'm so confused right now
KJo is playing with a spring in his step and a song in his heart.
Kevin Johnson has a bit of fancy lady in him with his clown dance.
Kevin Johnson is me whenever daylight savings comes to an end
Someone explain these watermelon heads to me
I will give $1000 to anyone who can explain to me why Rams fans in the stands are wearing watermelons on their heads with ram horns protruding from them.
NOTE: You do not get said $1000 if you only explain the horns protruding from the aforementioned watermelons.
(Tom Savage throws an incomprehensible interception)
And there's this week's WTF interception.
Fellas I don't think Savage is very good
Incredibly, that's only Savage's second career INT. I think he'll add more today.
Things that are weird? The opposition is driving, a TO is called, and you don't know if BOB called it or the opposition. #clockmanagementFTL
We've seen the entire Tom Savage rainbow of skills today. The play calling has finally adjusted to force Savage to throw the ball quickly, essentially the "don't think just throw" theory of QBing. Still, Savage has a pick to go with the 6.4 y/a and a QB rating of 74.4. Even at his very best, Savage is still terrible.
The defense is playing outstanding ball. Kevin Johnson, Benardick McKinney, and Jadeveon Clowney are playing outstanding today.
I...I can't stop thinking about those watermelon heads
It makes nary a lick of sense.
MDC (to Weston and UT)
Oh, the melonhead thing is retro as [kitten]. It's from back when the Rams were previously in LA. Once weirdo fan did it because he thought the crowd was too boring and he wanted to get people to lighten up. When they moved to St. Louis, the team tried to subtly encourage folks there to keep the tradition going, but it never caught on.
If you had asked me who would have gotten penalized for intentional grounding at the start of this game, I would not have chosen Jared Goff.
(to MDC) That sounds like an LA thing.
I'll have that $1000 in the mail as soon as sandwichly possible.
Coke and prostitutes on MDC WHOOOOO!!!!!
I like my bills in autumn-folded form.
DeAndre Hopkins is oh so very special.
Nuk is ridiculous.
(to MDC) And you can't hurt me anymore Little Matt.
(Ticky-tack penalty against the Rams nullifies pick six by Alec Ogletree. Ticky-tack OPI on Hopkins nullifies big gain)
Yeah, I don't think either of those plays are PIs. And Savage should still have never thrown that ball. He's pick lucky this game.
This game is so bizarre.
(to MDC) Thanks my man
I'm furious about that holding penalty. I wanted to party like it was 2013 again.
(Jared Goff throws a 94-yard touchdown to something called Robert Woods. Rams lead 16-7.)
The second that ball came out of Goff's hand I knew it was gone.
Second time in two weeks Joseph has been badly burned by speed.
Weston (to BFD)
He just guessed wrong and turned the wrong way.
I'm just glad this game has been a little fun
BFD (to Weston)
He guessed wrong in part because he can no longer read and react. He relies heavily on anticipation these days.
(Rams score again, easily, lead 23-7.)
And the wheels just fell off.
Yeeaaahhhh no disagreeing here on that
The play last week was a blown cover 4 play
The Rams are the best screen team I've seen this year
Especially when you can get an OL out so far in front of the ball carrier.
(Savage is strip sacked...again. Rams recover the ball.)
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL, I'm gonna throw up.
Tom Savage is to fumbles as [NAME REDACTED] is to interceptions
How many career strip sacks is that for Savage?
(One play later, the Rams score again, lead 30-7.)
Savage has played nine quarters of football and lost five fumbles and one interception.
Oh sweet [Durga], THERE'S ANOTHER QUARTER LEFT?
I can't do it anymore.
My link to the 4th quarter thread was actually a link to Journey's Separate Way video. LOL?
What is a Robert Woods, and why is Johnathan Joseph still trying to stop him?
I can't believe there is seven more weeks of this
(Rams kick a field goal, lead 33-7)
This is a Cleveland Browns score.
I always knew Robert Woods was great.
Texans had 188 yards of offense in the first half.
As of right now they have 226 yards on offense. This offense is pig[kitten].
I have bit my tongue all game, but now I’ll chime in.
Each game that ticks by after the Texans lost Watson is more damning evidence in favor of Kaepernick’s case v. NFL.
I'm enjoying this 2015 Houston Texans offense.
The only good thing about this game is I've laughed harder in the last two-ish hours than I have pretty much all year.
Cut Savage. Right now. Sign Cap. Right now. It cannot get worse than this. I said "interception" out loud right before he threw it because I was able to read that entire play faster than he can. I need a dark place to cry in.
(The game mercifully ends with the Rams winning 33-7.)
Hey! Let’s give out some game balls!
Offense - DeAndre Hopkins was Savage’s favorite target, registering 7 catches for 111 yards and no touchdowns. He was the brightest spot on the offensive side of the ball.
Defense - Jadeveon Clowney was holding the defense together almost singlehandedly this week, pressuring Jared Goff, getting multiple tackles in the backfield, getting three tackles and a sack.
Special Teams - Shane Lechler got a lot of work in today. So that’s something.
Want to add a person/thing to our incomplete list of better quarterbacks than Tom Savage? Got a different opinion on who should get game balls? Make your thoughts known below!