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Incompletions: Texans-Titans (I Hope 2017 Never Ends)

With so much to write and talk about after every game, and not enough time for one person to write about it all, the masthead joins together and writes about a putrid loss to a team with a putrid game plan.

NFL: Houston Texans at Tennessee Titans Christopher Hanewinckel-USA TODAY Sports

Matt Weston:

There’s something about extinguishing a pencil of wax on a wrapped cake at a racetrack hamburger place that makes you think about all the things you’ve seen and done, all the things you want to do, and everything that has happened to bring you to where you currently are. Already, I feel like I’ve lived a complete and joyous life. I’ve been lucky to grow up through turmoil, deal with death directly, shake under a navy night sky, have my heart smushed by toes with only a faint scar to show for it, see things in my carpet, suck down my America, watch an ecosystem change for a calendar year, traverse our parks while stomping around deserts, tundras, mountains, forests, and coasts, become a fully functioning all my own adult while not missing the passing of all that wild youth, and keep those I care about close.

Despite feeling full and satiated, and seeing so much during my spat of time, I have never seen a game like yesterday before. It was the greatest game in franchise history. 55 minutes of banal play, characterized by a Titans’ offense that doesn’t make adjustments based on their opponent and a terrible quarterback whose entire skill tree was withered and decayed. Then the ending came, raucous and bone splitting. Jeff Allen had three false starts in a row to set up an apocalyptic fourth down. It was somehow converted, thanks to a spectacular Stephen Anderson catch in double coverage. It all collapsed with a bracketed DeAndre Hopkins intended heave into the corner of the end zone. Derrick Henry sealed it with a Vince Young scamper.

I’ve known the Texans to be more bad than good. These type of horrendous, end-of-season AFC South showdowns are the closest friends my football fandom has. All of those 2-10 versus 4-8 brawls that meant nothing but were still watched because of loyalty and allegiance are the marrow in my bones.

I never want this season to end. Yesterday was one of many that I’ve seen, and it’s the one I’ve loved the most.

Well, Folks, It Looks Like I’m a Meme Guy Now.

Luke Beggs:

Since I didn't do it in the post game recap and BFD was asking for it, I shall regale y'all with tales of my Sunday Gameday Breakfast Sandwich. This is very much a no-frills sandwich designed to be constructed during the key period when the Texans take the ball on offense with two minutes to go in the second quarter and the beginning of the third quarter (y'know, when nothing of interest happens). It's meant as a quick pick-me-up to keep you going through the second half of what's sure to be a barn burner. It should spare you the horrors of Phil Simms reciting {REDACTED} themed poetry on CBS's halftime show. So without further ado:

1. Bread first. It will have gluten. Sorry, but I love bread too much to have it taken away from me. There's no specific bread that's required for this sandwich, only that it's more bun than sub or hoagie. This will be important later.

2. The base of the sandwich is pan fried bacon. Specifically, streaky bacon. It can be grilled. For the best experience, especially in fat rendering for extra crispiness, do it over a pan on the stove.

3. In the same pan you cooked the bacon, crack open one egg (bonus points if you can crack the egg with one hand without getting any shell in the egg itself). Season the egg with salt and pepper to your taste.

4. Time to construct the first part of the sandwich. Layer the bacon on the bottom of the bun before adding a layer of a cheese of your choosing on top of it (I prefer goat because I have a slight skin irritation to dairy). On the other half of the bun is a mix of tomato relish and HP Sauce. HP Sauce is a tomato-based sauce found in the UK and Ireland that’s mixed heavily with malt and spirit vinegar to add a bit more punch. Place both halves into a preheated oven until the cheese is nicely melted.

5. Whilst the cheese is melting, cut an avocado in half and slice two paper-thin layers of red onion, along with washing some rocket and spinach leaves.

6. Once the cheese is melted, pull the sandwich out of the oven. Place the egg on top of the cheese. The circular bun means that the egg gets maximum coverage over the bun, so every bite get's a bit of the fried egg. Place the red onion and chunks of avocado on the bun side that has the sauce. Top with rocket and avocado before squishing it all together and stuffing your face.

Oh, the game? Tom Savage was okay for most of the game. That's cool but I'm ready for the season to be over before anyone else gets injured.

This Is The Funniest Thing I’ve Ever Seen.

Cheer On The Titans, Mr. Pineapple Man.


Let us all please remember that, after watching Tom Savage for four (4) years, all through OTAs and training camp, Bill O'Brien still started Tom Savage in the first game.

As for the game, we once again see that Tom Savage's entire upside is as a mildly competitive game manager, but not a QB you can expect to win a game. His late interception was absolutely classic Tom Savage, and the only thing this game missed was a Tom Savage strip sack.

Also, I see BOB getting a ton of credit for the team still playing for him. Look, I've watched a ton of football in my life, and I've only seen two players clearly not giving effort on the field: Albert Haynesworth and Brooks Reed. That's it. The reason? These are professional athletes, and there is an expectation they play every down in their career. It's an all-around effort, not something BOB has instilled in them. Credit goes to the players, not the coach.

The good: the defense balled all game with major props to Zach Cunningham, Benardrick McKinney, and D.J. Reader. Jeff Allen was oddly effective until the fourth quarter. Maybe left tackle is a thing for him?

The bad: Breno Giacomini = Petey Faggins, but I at least respected Faggins on some level. Ka'imi Fairbairn struggled, though that looks like an outlier. He has been a tremendous improvement over Nick Novak. Gimel President needs to watch “Hard Knocks.”

I'm watching the Eagles game as I type this, and my goodness, do I ever miss Brandon Brooks.

Regardless of Injuries, Stephen Anderson Is The Best Tight End On The Roster.


Brett Kollmann:

I didn't get to watch the game yesterday (again), and at this point I'm starting to consider missing Texans games to be a blessing.