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2017 NFL Mock Draft: Charley Casserly Wants To Be Relevant Again

When multiple people want you to write about Charley Casserly doing a mock draft, you either chug the bleach or mock him. I guess I’ll choose the latter.

Houston Texans vs. Miami Dolphins - September 7, 2003
“The Romulan ‘do is definitely the way to go.
Photo by Al Messerschmidt/Getty Images

Charley Casserly, in his latest attempt to be relevant, did a mock draft for attentionwhore.com. I think. I don’t freaking know or care. Yet here we are.

You remember Charley Casserly, right? The man responsible for some of the worst rosters in Houston Texans history? Yeah, that guy. Fortunately, he was demoted to “Sandwich and Coffee Fetcher” for the 2006 NFL Draft, regardless of his taking credit for drafting Mario Williams, and that became a massive turning point for the franchise.

Please allow me to repeat myself: Casserly had as much to do with the 2006 draft for your Houston Texans as the Jason’s Deli delivery boy did. Literally.

So, let’s see what kind of rubbish comes out of Casserly’s mouth as far as his mock draft for YOUR Houston Texans:

Jabrill Peppers, S, Michigan: Texans swing for the fences with a wild card in the first round. Peppers is a boom-or-bust pick.

“Boom-or-bust” pick. Do you mean like Travis Johnson? Or Vernand Morency? Or (starts climbing the table) Jason Babin??? Or (now on top of table) GLENN EARL? (smashes bottle)

There’s a reason your Romulan-rat-looking, incompetent, empty suit of a GM butt has not had a job in the NFL since you were unceremoniously canned because you didn’t remember Gary Kubiak is lactose intolerant, Charley. That may or may not be true.

/breathes

//punches dart board

///phew, no darts

What do you think about Jabrill Peppers heading to the Texans, BRB?

/smashes another bottle

OR PASSING ON DERRICK JOHNSON?