Saturday Night’s Alright For Commenting: March 18, 2017

You might think based on the image and the caption to this week’s S.N.O.T. that I would have something to say about the Texans’ actions in this year’s free agency period. As a matter of fact, you would be wrong. The Battle Red Blog Minister of Information will issue a press release, which I may or may not have had a hand in writing, later in the week discussing this in greater detail.

Instead, I will pivot (HA! HA! Segues.) to talk about one of my favorite times of year: March Madness. I could not care less about regular season college basketball, to be quite honest. If you were to put a gun to my head and ask me what any team’s regular season record is or what exactly the RPI is, I’d be dead in seconds.

But then March Madness rolls around and I have fervent, cast-iron opinions about teams I’d never heard of beforehand. Phrases like “I think this could be UNC Wilmington’s year!” and “I believe that UC Davis has a shot against Kansas.” are uttered by me with childlike innocence before they’re both annihilated by 70 points each. All the old hatreds for powerhouses like Duke, Kentucky, Arizona, and Kansas come bubbling up to the surface. I spend more time and effort praying to Kali and other gods/goddesses of destruction that these teams get a quick exit to the tournament and/or that their home arenas fall into sinkholes.

Sadly, most of these prayers prove to be in vain as each of those teams are still in this year’s tournament, no sinkholes have appeared yet, and, most distressing of all, Grayson Allen still has yet to spontaneously explode in a most violent, yet comedic, manner*.

It’s great fun, and one of the few times a year, outside of NFL Sundays or college football Saturdays, where you can spend an entire day watching wall-to-wall sports. That said, this year’s tournament has been a bit of a disappointment; I’m not sure if it’s due to the lack of big upsets this year or Grayson Allen’s continued state of non-explodedness.

Either way, I’ve still got a Cuban** sandwich in one hand, a two liter of Diet Dr. Pepper in the other, and an entire afternoon of basketball to watch, so it’s hard to complain too much. And who knows, there’s still time for Grayson Allen to suddenly inflate like a balloon, fly around the arena making fart noises as he deflates.

The rest of the thread is yours to do with as you like. Please mind the floors as we just finished waxing them. The usual commenting rules apply and please try to keep it clean, we’d really like to get the deposit back.

*It should go without saying that I do not wish for Grayson Allen’s demise/injury but I’m going to say it anyway. And holy crap is he a douchecanoe.

**By Cuban sandwich, I mean the ham and Swiss with pickles sandwich that the local grocery store claims is a Cuban sandwich, but is really about as Cuban as I am.