:format(webp)/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_image/image/54021553/460754918.0.jpg)
/opens Twitter
//searches “Case Keenum,” as any self-respecting fan of the Houston Texans does at least nine times per day
///reads
According to NFL sources former @UHCougarFB & #Texans QB @casekeenum7 is signing with the @Vikings. He was with the @RamsNFL the last 2years
— Mark Berman (@MarkBermanFox26) March 31, 2017
////throws whiskey tumbler at wall
Case Keenum's deal with #Vikings is for 1 year, $2m plus incentives.
— Adam Caplan (@caplannfl) March 31, 2017
/////pours whiskey directly into mouth
//////bellows “KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNNNUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMM!”
///////bawls anew, lamenting lack of movement to address Texans’ QB situation
////////searches “Tony Romo Texans”
FIN.