Yes, friends and strangers, it’s still not football season. But all hope is not lost, for this is the weekend of the Combine. This is when you get to see people who are in far better shape than most of us will ever be run drills or simply run in a straight line in highly repetitive fashion.
As always, those of us who sit on the couch while watching this will pretend to know how each player did based on completely arbitrary means of evaluation.
“I really liked the deep ball Mahomes threw there, but the fact that he’s sweating 17% more than other QBs in the combine leads me to think he’s going to be a second day pick.”
“Mitch(ell) Trubisky ran the fastest 40 time in this year’s Combine, but I think adding those three extra letters to his name will drag down his velocity a tick. That’s going to make him slide to the fifth round.”
“Did you see how Greg Ward farted during the 40 yard dash to give himself an extra boost? I appreciate that. I mean, the stadium now has a green cloud of gas that constitutes a public health emergency, but he’s pulling out all the stops to get an extra tenth of a second on his speed. That’s a true competitor there, my friend.”
And so on. Sure, I make fun of it, but I also watch the hell out of it because it’s fun and there’s something to seeing people in peak physical condition in action. Plus it’s the closest thing to football we have at the moment, so take what you can get.
The good news is that next week is likely to see an uptick in football byproducts with the opening of the new league year on Thursday and the official start of free agency; that’s always a good time.
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