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Hair Of The Dog - Houston Texans Draft Special

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Come on in and see what the BRB writing staff had to say about the 2017 NFL Draft as it happened.

NFL: Houston Texans-Deshaun Watson Press Conference Troy Taormina-USA TODAY Sports

The 2017 NFL Draft has come and go. The Texans have seven new draftees and a whole raft of (unconfirmed) undrafted free agents. It’s been fun to watch, complain, and analyze what the Texans will do, and your friendly neighborhood BRB writers are no exception to that.

Throughout the three days of the draft, with a couple of exceptions, we’ve shot the [kitten] about the life, the draft, and everything, and now you, the reader, get to see what we’ve been saying over that time.

As always, all swear words have been changed to “kitten” to protect the innocent, unless they kittened me off in which case they’re on their kittening own.

Day One

The Calm Before The Draft

Capt Ron

I expect to see an entry from MDC if the Texans take a player from Michigan in the first round, like perhaps Jabrill Peppers. I'd also like to see an entertaining entry from MDC relative to the vast number of Ohio State players who may go in the first round, especially if Houston takes one of them.

UT

We might get one out of him anyway if we land DeShone Kizer.

Mike

What's the over/under on the number of bad Rocky jokes posted on Twitter by draft's end?

UT

They haven't invented a number large enough to set that line. Even then I'd take the over.

BRC

Is every ad break going to be preceded by a Rocky reference? Because it has so far and I can't deal with that.

Capt Ron

I'm fueling up with "The Macallan" for pick #25, where we'll learn (after the commercial break) that the Texans traded out of the first round.

BFD

I think the only pick I wouldn't at all like is taking Davis Webb at all. I don't think I've ever disliked a QB prospect more than he.

Mike

Is it just me, or is a lot of this "most unpredictable draft ever" talk built on the foundation of the Brock trade? No one expected that, and now one half of that trade deal holds more draft picks than any other team... #ClevelandCrayCray

BFD

Not to be glib to you personally, Mike, but how often are drafts predictable? You might know the first pick or three, but it's always a crap shoot after that.

Brett

There are a few picks in the middle every now and then that people see coming from a mile away. Leonard Floyd to Chicago comes to mind.

Mike

Absolutely. But I keep encountering all this "most unpredictable draft ever" stuff in the "mainstream" sports world and on Twitter. I don't recall ever knowing anyone past the 4th pick was ever a lock (Charles Woodson) and also don't recall any draft that didn't have some crazy surprises...

(Later)

Anyone catch what 610 said about DeShaun Watson's passes being clocked at a measly 42 mph at the Combine? YIKES! That's a huge INT rate waiting to happen with the speed of most NFL DBs.

BFD

And Watson's a wrist-flicker on deep balls. He doesn't drive the ball at all. His best hope is in an Alex Smith like system.

BRC

The buzz for Watson to Texans is growing, all the commenters so far seem to be on the hype train too

I really don't know how to feel

Capt Ron

With respect to "unpredictable," what is more likely to happen tonight during the NFL Draft?

1. North Korea tests a nuke.

2. Mel Kiper's hair finally makes a break for it and runs out of the studio.

3. The Texans' selection doesn't coincide with a commercial break.

BFD

(To Ron) Kiper's hair, for sure. #3 is unpossible.

(To BRC) Watson and BOB would not be a good marriage with the former's skill set and what the latter wants from his QB.

Luke

I'm setting the over/under at the number of things which will get thrown at Roger Goddell at 3.

BRC

But apparently BOB loves [Watson], so does this mean we are changing our system or it's just the usual bull[kitten]

BFD

HAHAHAAHAHAH! I'd say poor Goodell, but he's earned it.

Luke

Do we know what BOB wants? Do any of us know what the mythical Bill O'Brien QB looks like or what skills he has?

BFD

Good point, Luke. So far, the only real trait I see is that he likes his RBs to run up the back of his offensive line.

UT

(To Ron) 1) It depends, are we talking a successful test or just a test?

But of those options, I'm going with 2.

Mike

Putting a guy like Watson on Houston means you gave up on Will Fuller...

Luke

No it doesn't. Watson can throw deep and Fuller can be used in other ways rather than running go routes.

Capt Ron

I heard on SR610 this afternoon (while dashing through downtown Houston), that O'Brien is supposedly "voluntarily" less involved in this draft. They started speculating about a continued divide and power struggle on Kirby, and the possibility of an eventual parting of the ways for Texans and O'Brien.

Yikes!

Mike

(To Luke) 42 mph go-routes are called interceptions in the NFL. Ha!

The Draft Begins

Cleveland Takes Myles Garrett

BRC

Let the real excitement start then after that

Mike

#1 First pick. #yawn

UT

Most unexpected draft pick ever.

The Bears Trade Up A Spot

Capt Ron

49ers making a trade!

If it's Cleveland, I'm LMFAO.

UT

Bears traded up a spot. I think they want to avoid "Mike Glennon - Starting QB."

BRC

No way this should be a QB, Jamal Adams?

Mike

Bears should take Fournette so the baby horses and "whatever Tennessee is" can't.

Luke

It can't be a QB, not after they paid Glennon that money.

Capt Ron

To move up from #3 to #2? Holy Crap!

Aaron Wilson

49ers moving down one spot, get Bears' third overall pick, No. 67 pick, No. 111 pick and next year's third-rounder.

Chicago Takes Mitch “Mitchell” Trubisky

UT

THEY DID TAKE A QB! There goes Trubisky. And the Bears are morons.

Mike

That's insane. For Vinnie Testaverde 2.0...

BRC

Well, that's one QB off the board. Did not expect Trubisky

Luke

I stand corrected UT.

Capt Ron

Thank goodness! One bad QB off the board.

Set the suicide watch for Kirk Cousins.

BRC

That reaction at the draft party in Chicago, priceless.

UT

I missed it. Was it a factory of sadness?

BRC

Oh you bet it was UT, everyone dumbfounded.

Luke

DA BEARS

Mike

Even Bears fans know that was just wrong...

Capt Ron

Oh wait. I got that backwards, belay my last. 49ers still in the hunt for Cousins.

OMG the Bears are idiots!

Mike

Cue the sadness: http://chicago.suntimes.com/sports/bears-players-are-buying-into-qb-mike-glennons-leadership-style/

UT

It almost makes sense if you assume that Glennon is the QB for a couple of years while Trubisky holds the clipboard, but [kitten] $45 million dollars?

Unless Glennon has an [UNPERSON] deal where only a fraction of that is guaranteed. WHO AMONG YOU KNOWS BEARS CONTRACTS?!

Tim

That was truly perhaps the dumbest NFL trade I've ever witnessed.

Brett

That was an apocalyptically bad move. Pace just cost himself his job in two years I think.

Luke

People on twitter are quoting ''Draft Day'' .

Man the bar for sports films is really freaking low.

Mike

I was thinking the same thing, Tim. But, then I remember Mike Ditka sells the farm for Reggie Bush deal...

BRC

I can't believe that the 49ers wanted Trubisky and then gave him up for that, seemed no point in that trade

UT

(To Mike) Or the Washington Potatoes trading everything for the next three years for RGIII, or the Rams trading everything to whatever the [kitten] Tennessee is for Jared-friggin'-Goff.

Capt Ron

Per our NFL draft model, improving from the 3rd to 2nd overall is worth 34 points. The haul for the 49ers is worth 316 points. SF wins

Jags On The Clock

UT

Jags made their pick fast.

Capt Ron

I'm betting Jamal Adams to Jags. How do you pass on him there?

Mike

SI reporting Fournette to Jags.... #boo

Jags Do, In Fact, Take Leonard Fournette

BRC

Not looking forward to that for the forseeable future

Capt Ron

RB at #4?!! With Jamal Adams right there?!!

Fournette's a beast for sure, but let's hear it from all of you "no RBs in the first round" crowd.

Luke

BMac vs Fournette is going to be fun to watch next season.

UT

This pick makes me nervous.

BFD

No RBs in the 1st round still holds true. I'm happy they didn't take Adams.

Tim

I have no fear of Fournette in Jacksonville. I like him, but I like the Texans' defense better. Glad they didn't draft someone else.

Luke

I don't know why but I'd deal like a 6th round pick to get T.J Yeldon.

Tennessee On The Clock

UT

Oh please oh please oh please let Tennessee not get their pick in on time.

Luke

NFL Teams are weirdos: https://twitter.com/RapSheet/status/857756291065708544

Capt Ron

I hope the Titans pick "Vince Young!"

BESFs pick Corey Davis

BRC

Ooooh, not sure about that one

UT

...ooooookay.

Brett

This is good for us. Davis is good, but he's not Mike Williams. I'll take it.

Capt Ron

WR to Tenn? Yes!!

I'm actually OK with the Texans moving up to grab Adams anytime now. Holy crap! Dude could be better than Ed Reed (in his prime, not in his Houston #Bamboozling days).

TexansTakeaway

Over Jamal Adams?! And Mike Williams? What a Tennessee thing to do.

Mike

And, Jets take Watson in 3... 2... 1...

UT

Why would they want Watson when they have superstar second round pick Christian Hackenberg in the fold?

Capt Ron

I smell O.J. Howard coming for Jets...

(Later)

How can they? The tag Wash. used is non-trade-able isn't it?

Ian Rapoport‏Verified account @RapSheet

Wow. Cleveland is trying to trade for Kirk Cousins. This is real.

Brett

CLEVELAND TRYING TO TRADE FOR COUSINS WHAT

BFD

What a perplexing draft so far.

Luke

Y'know, maybe safeties aren't that important?

Seriously though this safety class is deep enough where that pick justifiable in terms of both a need and the talent.

BFD

I wish it was us trying to trade for Cousins. Dammit.

UT

They have 22 picks between this year and next year so why the [kitten] not?

Mike

(To BFD) Me too!

Jets Take Jamal Adams

UT

There goes Jamal Adams to the Jets.

Luke

The Jets just need talent.

The Chargers are probably pretty excited about Malik Hooker falling to them, or not I know nothing.

Capt Ron

Tom Brady should file retirement papers. Seriously. Adams is going to kill him.

UT

(To Ron) Promises, promises.

Capt Ron

I want the Raiders to trade up for Hooker. Having him in Vegas is just SO fitting.

Luke

Those promises are going to go as far as Christian Hackenberg's passes.

Carolina Takes Christian McCaffrey

Luke

I can't wait to watch Christian McCaffrey play football with Cam Newton.

Capt Ron

[Kitten]! Adams and McCaffrey off the board. My fantasy night for Houston is falling apart.

Brett

Hooker is somehow still available at 9. This is insane.

BRC

Bengals must be beside themselves with all this talent still on the board

Tim

How a human being with a functioning brain could take McCaffrey over Hooker there is mind-boggling.

Capt Ron

Hooker, and Lattimore too!

Do it, Rick! I [KITTEN] dare you to upgrade at safety or corner.

Luke

There is a possibility that the Browns could get Garrett and Hooker/Allen and that's wonderful.

BRC

Quick question for you all: Gareon Conley falls because of these rape allegations, do you pull the trigger in the first round if he's still there?

Brett

OH my [kitten] if Cleveland got Garrett and Hooker they win the draft. Straight up.

(To BRC) I don't think Conley makes it past the Eagles to be honest.

Cincinnati Takes John Ross

BRC

John Ross? John Ross?!

Rivers

Such a bad wide receiver class, they said.

UT

John Ross off the board and a loud cheer goes up in Seattle.

The Chiefs Trade Up To The 10th Spot

BRC

Chiefs trading up? Can't be for Watson right

UT

I think Al Davis possessed whoever is calling the shots in Cincinnati right there.

Capt Ron

Next week is OTC in Houston. Can Rick get us a Hooker, please?!!

I'll flag and see myself out.

UT

That deserves the Goodell treatment, Ron.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Luke

The Chiefs just dealt two first rounders to move up.

BRC

Bet it's Kizer, just to surprise everyone

BFD

DeShaun Watson is my guess.

UT

Whoever it is, I hope they blow it.

Chiefs Take Patrick Mahomes

Capt Ron

Mahomes to KC..../whew!

Brett

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

Mike

Wow... Mahomes the 2nd QB off the board...

BRC

Mahomes gone, so Watson or Kizer left for us

Luke

Pat Mahomes. Gonna be fun to watch that develop.

UT

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

PATRICK MAHOMES?!

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

/falls off chair

Tim

Thank you, Chiefs. You helped us avoid Mahomes.

Mike

Why on Earth would you cough up TWO first round picks for Mahomes? They coulda booked Jimmy G and the Belichicks for that...

Luke

So considering nobody has given a flying [kitten] about defense so far in this draft, does anybody think the Browns are taking Watson?

Capt Ron

Chiefs being fiscally reckless!

Joel Corry

Patrick Mahomes' 5th year option would have been a lot cheaper at #11 than #10. It's $19.053M versus $12.198M for QBs this year.

BFD

Once again: this is a perplexing draft.

Brett

Chiefs must have been convinced beyond the shadow of a doubt that Saints were going Mahomes.

BRC

Or Bills were the only ones who would trade down before AZ

UT

(To Brett) Which doesn't make a ton of sense because the Saints' defense has been so [Kitten] awful that they'd almost have to use their first pick on defense.

Luke

I really want to meet the person who runs a marathon just so they can drink a light beer. I hate advertisers.

Saints Draft Marcus Lattimore

Capt Ron

There goes Lattimore to NOLA. [Kitten]!

Mike

"The New Orleans Select..."

Apparently the commish learned of the Saints' name change in advance.

UT

(To Luke) Luke, you just described The Oatmeal.

http://theoatmeal.com/comics/running

Capt Ron

I can only envision Vrabel choking the living [kitten] out of Rick Smith right now and demanding that he trade up for safety Malik Hooker.

Texans Trade With The Browns Up To 12

UT

TEXANS TRADED UP! TEXANS TRADED UP!!!

Luke

HOLY [KITTEN] WE JUST TRADED UP

Mike

Texans just traded in!!!

Capt Ron

HOUSTON TRADED UP!!!! OMG VRABEL!!!

UT

I only fear what we gave up to get that pick though.

Luke

Our first this year and next year.

Jeremy (in his first appearance on HOTD)

we gave up our first next year...

BRC

Oh [kitten] we've done it

Mike

Apparently Sashi Brown figured out the Rick Smith Trade Combination...

UT

BIG BUCKS BIG BUCKS BIG BUCKS BIG BUCKS NO WHAMMY NO WHAMMY NOWHAMMYNOWHAMMYNOWHAMMYNOWHAMMYNOWHAMMYNOWHAMMYNOWHAMMYNOWHAMMYNOWHAMMYNOWHAMMYNOWHAMMYNOWHAMMYNOWHAMMYNOWHAMMYNOWHAMMYNOWHAMMYNOWHAMMYNOWHAMMYNOWHAMMY

STOP!!!!

The Texans Draft Deshaun Watson at 12.

Vega

I appreciate the Texans concern for those of us on the east coast who have to wake up ass early for work in the morning.

BFD

Oh holy [kitten]. We can't trade up to get TBH2O, and now we're drafting Deshaun Watson? Oh boy.

Luke

Let's just marvel at the beauty of what the Browns are doing.

BRC

SOMEONE TELL ME HOW TO FEEL

UT

Watson it is. Ladies and gentlemen, we have our quarterback of the future. GLORY TO MOTHER HOUSTON!

Capt Ron

The Browns just locked up the entire planet Earth for Sam Darnold in 2018.

Brilliant!

Mike

So mixed... Clemson is my team. Love them. Love how Watson is a WINNER. But... 42 mph? Bill better put his "QB Guru" hat on and pull this out.

Vega

Next year's draft is going to be awesome

BFD

I'm just happy we did it. This isn't my favorite prospect, but we had to take a chance at some point. Wow.

Capt Ron

Everyone on staff at BRB is officially on vacation for the 2018 NFL Draft.

Houston doesn't have a 1st or 2nd round pick in that draft. Ugh!

Vega

I'm with you, BFD. At least there's a commitment of some sort. That's progress, right?

UT

This draft so far makes me feel sexy.

Capt Ron

Rick and OB are putting all their chips in on this. Either this plays out, or they are both out.

I like it.

Luke

https://twitter.com/mortreport/status/857771474911977472 The Bill O'Brien QB apparently has to be able to look Bill O'Brien in the eye.

BFD

Oh hurl.

BRC

Haha, love that Luke

I still feel weird, I really don't know how to feel about this

Luke

We traded up and that's bad.

We got a QB who will hopefully be a starter for us down the road and save us from Tom Savage. That's good.

Nothing ain't gonna get solved tonight so for now let's just enjoy the intent.

Jeremy

Watson was my QB1, so I can't complain. Does worry me that we don't have a pick til Round 3 for next year though.

BRC

I mean we traded, but we didn't kill ourselves, so that's an upside

Mike

Well said, Luke. Just sit back, drink some Kool-Aid and dream of a day when Houston has an offense to match the D...

UT

Yeah it's not like we pulled what the Bears did or what Washington did a few years ago.

Mike

Doesn't matter if we don't have a first rounder next year. By the time that draft rolls around picks 1-45 will all be Cleveland.

Luke

No but we have all but punted on the 2018 draft.

This draft is even more important now.

UT

If this Watson/this draft doesn't pan out, then we're starting over from scratch anyway.

Rivers

I am happily stunned. Which is the first time I've said that about a Texans draft pick in a long time.

BRC

This is not panning out how I expected at all

BFD

We're in win now mode, so it makes sense. Flags fly forever.

I'm still honestly just kinda stunned. We've been putting off this decision since the end of the 2012 season. I love Watson, but he's a heckuva wild card (not like they all aren't).

Worst case is that this is a good, hard-working kid, and you gotta love that. Best case is that he's a good, hard-working kid who brings us to the promised land.

UT

Malik Hooker is still on the board. Rather surprising, really.

Colts Take Malik Hooker

Luke

So the Colts, they gotta be pretty happy right?

UT

I hope not. Bad things happen when they're happy.

BRC

[Kitten] the Colts getting Hooker, [kitten] everything about that

UT

Did they select him? I haven't seen anything about it yet.

Luke

Yeah Breer alluded to it.

BRC

Not yet, but theyre going to, he's fallen into their lap

UT

Well [kitten]

Capt Ron

Aaron Wilson

Rick Smith referenced his strong rapport, friendship with Browns exec Sashi Brown during predraft presser. Two big trades together this year

BFD

Any mention of Brown's reach-around?

Heh heh heh.

Ravens Select Marlon Humphrey

Brett

The Bama to Baltimore pipeline is real.

UT

At BWW, they are showing a rerun of Shark Tank next to PAC-12 women's beach volleyball.

I don't even know what the [kitten] to think about this.

Capt Ron

I blame it on the Seattle Sonics leaving for a place so flat that you can watch a dog run away for three days.

UT

Someone remind me: we really did pick Deshaun Watson right? I didn't just imagine that, that really happened?

Brett

(To UT) Indeed it did

BESFs Select Adoree Jackson

Capt Ron

(To UT) We did.

Oh and Adoree Jackson to Titans. UGH!!

BFD

[Kitten]. That's a pick I don't like for the BE-SFs.

Capt Ron

[KITTEN] Titans are building a bad-[kitten] team from [kitten].

Rivers

(To UT) I also saw the same thing. Are we in the same dream?

BRC

Don't mind Titans taking Adoree Jackson there, think it's a bit early

UT

[Kitten] wept, please make the Peyton ads stop.

Capt Ron

I guess the real question here is if the Texans "needed" to move up. Do we really think Arizona was going to grab Watson? Palmer is still good for a year or two, so why jump ahead of them?

BFD

I wish we had anything resembling draft capital right now as I'd love OJ Howard.

UT

(To Ron) Because he's had a lot of injuries and I'm not sure he's got a year or two. Even if he does, they have nothing behind him to keep that team from falling into the abyss or a prospect that might keep them out of the abyss.

Luke

2019 Draft picks are on the table I believe.

Tim

I'm guessing the Texans panicked when the Chiefs moved up for Mahomes and decided they weren't going to risk someone jumping them for Watson. Kind of like what they did last year when they swapped picks with Washington to ensure they'd get Fuller.

Rivers

The Texans paid the price of business to get a quarterback. There's no further overanalysis of that needed.

BRC

Anyone think this means a good OT drops slightly and we have a chance in round 2? Or Gareon Conley?

Capt Ron

LMAO!

PFTCommenter

nice 2 see OJ followed by a white bronco 4 a change

BRC

[Kitten] that tweet is amazing Ron

Raiders Select Gareon Conley

UT

Does it surprise anyone that the Raiders would take the alleged rapist?

Luke

Well, I mean the Ravens and the Bengals didn't take him.

Brett

FWIW the evidence is really starting to mount that he's innocent.

Diehard Chris

Still not entirely convinced any of this is real. Likely a hallucination do to blood loss from all the cutting.

Falcons Draft Takkarist McKinley

BFD

OMG, McKinley bringing a picture of his grandmother. OMG. One of my new faves.

Capt Ron

I'm a big fan of McKinley.

Then again, I went to UCLA. We'll take a hero where we can.

Tim

And then dropped a "[kitten] it" and "[kitten]ing" in his interview. Goodell is going to end him before he even starts his career.

UT

The Browns aren't done yet, they just traded up to 29.

Capt Ron

It's gotta be Kizer, right?

...or Wilfred Brimley. I mean, it's Cleveland afterall.

UT

They couldn't afford Sir Wilford Brimley.

Capt Ron

Browns went: EDGE, S, and TE in the first round.

Meanwhile at QB...

UT

It kind of makes sense though if you figure none of the next three teams need a QB and they have the first pick in the second round.

Kizer is likely still going to be available when their next turn rolls around. So they add to the team without risking extra draft capital on Kizer, assuming that's the direction they go.

BRC

My mate just stayed up till 4:30am to see the Seahawks pick, and they traded down twice and won't select till tomorrow. Brilliant

UT

Honestly, he should've known better. I'm still shocked they drafted in the first round last year.

BRC

TJ Watt to the Steelers

Watt brothers play each other on Christmas Day

UT

No, I don't want to hate T.J. Watt!

Capt Ron

[Kitten]! I was hoping for a brother-brother deal in Houston. I think I would have preferred he go to ANY other team than Steelers. I really hate that franchise.

Did Goodell just say: "Reuben F-R-oster?!!"

UT

(To Ron) Wouldn't surprise me at all if he did.

BFD

(To Ron) He did.

UT

Ryan Ramczyk to the Saints, and thus we conclude the first round of the draft.

Day Two

The Second Calm Before The Draft

BFD

One thing that's stuck with me since last night: the picture of the Texans
war room with basically just Rick Smith and BOB, and Rick is standing and
BOB is staring down. I know I'm reading too much into that one scene, but
[kitten], something seems wrong.

BRC

BOB never shows much emotion at all, so I wouldn't read too much into it

He was in for a two day visit, and all the talk was of BOB loving him, so I think he's on board

BRC

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ObAN-2VqZGs&feature=youtu.be

ESPN Sports Science saying Watson's velocity is better than he recorded at the combine, if that alleviates anyones fears

UT

According to SB Nation Prime, the Texans tipped their own pick half an hour before the draft started and a good two hours before their pick.

http://www.sbnation.com/2017/4/27/15463556/deshaun-watson-houston-texans-tweet

Also, is anyone surprised that Kizer dropped out of the first round?

Luke

Not really, I don't think the NFL ever loved Kizer as much as the non-NFL folks did. Wouldn't be surprised if the Browns or Jets took a shot on him sometime today.

Capt Ron

I'm starting to wonder if O'Brien even makes it to camp at this point. Could there be something left yet to unfold in that whole power struggle? His style of head coaching is a positive, but his offense is terrible. I'd rather have Conserviak back than see that confusing mess of the last three seasons on the field again.

Also, not sure if it is a worthwhile measure after all is said and done, but Watson scored a 20 on the Wonderlic (lowest of all 2017 QBs).

BRC

http://www.cbssports.com/nfl/draft/news/2017-nfl-mock-draft-second-round-picks-include-dalvin-cook-deshone-kizer/

Brugler has us getting Melifonwu at 57

(Later)

Wow, Gary Barnidge getting cut after the Browns took Njoku. Why not have both?

Rivers

Probably not in their plans and wanted to give him a chance to catch on elsewhere.

Why don't we sign him? Our tight ends suck.

(Awaits 5 replies on how C.J. Fiedorowicz improved so much last year.)

Diehard Chris

Because of the draft stuff, I'm listening to a pod of today's show with Lance Zierlein - and he is letting a couple of stories about Brock's time in Houston that he's heard slip out - and they're pretty unbelievable. Not stuff from the org but from other folks who have heard them from players (and maybe coaches). It pretty much continues to perpetuate the thought that Brock was a full-on #HoeAssHoe

He said it was so bad between O'Brien and Brock that there's just no way they could be in the same building, and that O'Brien literally would back Brock up and confront him and Brock would yell out for help and that "I don't have to listen to this crap" and storm off.

I still don't believe a lot of the stuff (was advantageous to org for this type of stuff to be out in the open), but if anyone is interested it's at around the 50 minute mark of today's podcast from his morning show.

Luke

That's just bizarre.

Diehard Chris

In fact it was so unbelievable to me that I've asked LZ on twitter if he was exaggerating - specifically on the "calling for help" part. I just can't envision that being real. He also relayed that while Brock said all the right things publicly, that he was showing a lot of "diva" qualities as early as training camp/preseason that had people shaking their heads. Of course NONE of that would have mattered had he' balled out but, welp.

BRC

Anyone trying to say BOB didn't like this pick needs to watch the press conference, I've never seen him look happier

Also, Watson saying he is a big fan of Brandon Weeden and Tom Savage is great banter

Diehard Chris

"I'm going to learn from Tom Savage and Brandon Weeden" - LMFAO

BFD

We should be all over Barnidge like me on a beer.

Diehard Chris

Barnridge can't wait to get here and learn from CJ and Griffin.

BFD

With those two seasoned pros, he'll be missing blocks and dropping balls in no time.

Round Two Begins

UT

Hey, look there, it's famed Texans tackle Tony Boselli.

Rivers

O'Brien seems like a classic micromanager from everything I've heard.

BRC

What's with all these trades for weird selections, did they need to trade up for Zay Jones? Really?

Brett

I think they did, actually, yeah. Jones was my WR3.

UT

Vikings trade up to get Adrian Peterson's replacement in Dalvin Cook.

BRC

Safeties flying off the board, not looking good for us later on in the second

Brett

Jackson and Obi are still there. Have faith.

Mixon to Cincy, because it wouldn't be a Bengals draft if they didn't take a piece of human garbage at some point.

Capt Ron

Garbage gets piled "Sky High" in Cinci...

UT

(To Ron) Bravo, sir.

Capt Ron

You think the Browns will grab Kizer here?

UT

I'd be really surprised if they didn't.

Browns Select DeShone Kizer Then Arizona Takes Budda Baker.

Capt Ron

That's a steal. I think Kizer has all the right tools, but just came out a year too soon.

Wait! Arizona took Budda Baker?!! WTF with hogging the ball-hawking safeties (Tyrann Mathieu).

BFD

CLE is a much, MUCH better situation than the Texans for Kizer. He's got a great line to play behind, though he's lacking in weapons.

I got chills watching Jim Brown name the pick. <3 <3 <3

Brett

Kizer to the Browns. Cleveland is nailing this draft so hard.

UT

Is it possible they might finally know what the [kitten] they're doing?

(snickers)

Never mind, what a ridiculous notion.

Rivers

The interesting thing about Draft Twitter is that if you agree with who they want picked, you know what the [kitten] you're doing regardless of if they fail. Look at all the goodwill it has bought them.

(And, yes, I agree, they have cleaned up.)

Capt Ron

It would appear that the Browns and 49ers have passed the "[kitten]y franchise" torch over to the Bears. One to hold in each paw!

BRC

We're only a couple picks away, but there's no one obvious, making me nervous

Capt Ron

Serious question: If Kizer would have been there when Houston is on the clock, do they grab him and double down?

UT

I would say probably not. You don't trade up to get Watson only to start a competition with your next pick.

Capt Ron

Zach Cunningham is still out there too.

Brett

Was just about to say, Cunningham in the second is a steal. Hope he's the guy, or Jackson, or possibly best OL on the board.

Capt Ron

Saints looking to trade a 3rd and 2nd next year to move up for an EDGE player. DO IT, RICK!

Texans Select Zach Cunningham In The Second Round.

BRC

Oooh Zach Cunningham, noiiiiiceee

Tim

[Kitten] and yes. Love it.

Capt Ron

GREAT PICK!!!!

Brett

CUNNINGHAM LETS [KITTEN]ING GOOOOOOO

UT

Cushing replacement, I presume.

BRC

This must be the most agreement we've ever had on here

Rivers

You know we've been doing this for a while when BFD and Little Matt's draft hate-on for Cushing can eventually come full-circle.

BFD

Circle of [kitten]. I mean, circle of life.

I like the pick fine enough, but I really, really wanted Obi. I blame Jeremy.

Tim

(To Rivers) What's the opposite of hating something with the fire of a thousand suns?

BRC

Why are they listing him as an OLB? I thought he fitted nicely as an ILB in our scheme?

Rivers

(To Tim) A refreshing island song, if I know my mixed South Park metaphors.

Luke

I just power back at my place, who'd we take?

Tim

(To Rivers) My icy heart melts.

UT

(To Luke) Zach Cunningham, LB out of Vanderbilt.

The hive mind approves.

Brett

I think we were equally in collective euphoria when we picked Nuk, but this is close.

Luke

(To UT) Neato. Another athletic LB.

Power went out on my entire street about 3 hours ago so I've been stuck waiting to get back on.

BFD

"I think we were equally in collective euphoria when we picked Nuk, but this is close." /looks at Rivers

UT

Whoever this is making the Cowboys pick is making me want to throw up.

BFD

Drew Pearson has absolutely no [kitten]s to give. LOLOLOLOLOL!

BRC

That was great banter from that guy, way to hype the crowd

Luke

Quick question, if Cushing is not going to be released tomorrow then are we switching to a 4-3 base formation? Or is Cunningham just got flip in Simon's spot?

BRC

People commenting saying about trading for Calvin Pryor if the Jets are shopping him, what would you say?

Brett

(To Luke) Was wondering that myself. I guess it could work with Clowney and Merc as DE, JJ as 3-tech, Reader as 1-tech. Best way to get all these guys on the field.

Capt Ron

I say do it if they can get Pryor.

Also, CB Fabian Moreau is still available.

Luke

Didn't Vrabel play in a 4-3 in NE?

Capt Ron

Actually what might happen is it'll be 4-3 this year and then when Cushing leaves they might revert back to a 3-4 and kick Cunningham inside with BMac.

UT

Unless, maybe, they platoon Cushing and Cunningham, I guess?

BFD

Well, just remember that we're in sub packages quite often, so the discussion of 3-4 vs. 4-3 is somewhat moot. If Big Daddy Romeo and Vrabel do their thing, they'll figure it out.

I <3 Drew Pearson. That was outstanding.

Luke

Possible. Also BMac and Cunningham both have 12 inch broad jumps. That's disgusting.

Tim

Gotta be awkward for Cushing to have to announce the Texans' third round pick when his replacement was just drafted in the second round.

UT

No kidding. The only thing more awkward would be if he announced his replacement with his pick.

Mike

Cushing doesn't believe he's replaceable. Or in awkwardness, discomfort or other things that ail mere mortals.

Capt Ron

S Eddie Jackson is still out there!

Diehard Chris

Had Cunningham on my 2nd round short list. Loving this so far.

BRC

Titans have traded up to 72, swapping with the Pats

Am i right in saying the Pats still haven't made a selection this year?

Mike

BFD

That is awful. That is...I don't have the words. I'd be [kitten] proud of Dalvin.

UT

[Kitten] right, what a [kitten] thing to say.

Brett

[Kitten] forbid someone want to improve their ability to save their newly acquired fortune?

Mike

On a happier note: https://www.si.com/nfl/2017/04/28/nfl-draft-2017-round-1-deshaun-watson-dabo-swinney-clemson

Capt Ron

Texans are the only team to have improved their odds of winning the Super Bowl so far in this draft.

Luke

Tim Williams and Carl Lawson are both still on the board........

BRC

Eddie Jackson survive a couple more please

Brett

I'm going to be really disappointed if we pass on him.

Capt Ron

There goes Garcia. [Kitten]!

BRC

Raiders surely can't pick Jackson surely, so hopefully the Giants don't

Capt Ron

S Eddie Jackson or RB D'onta Foreman would be sweet next.

Brett

Oh [kitten] Foreman is still on the board? Now that would be intriguing.

Capt Ron

Raiders went DT. Let's ROLL, Texans!!

Texans Select D’Onta Foreman

Capt Ron

Hook 'em!!!!

BRC

of course there has to be an ad break just to delay me going to bed

UT

Some of us aren't there yet!

Rivers

Lotta fumbles in our future, I see.

Capt Ron

Houston gets the commercial break EVERY [KITTEN] pick in EVERY draft. WTF?

Luke

I can't wait to watch Chris Clark play again.

Capt Ron

Let's package J. Strong and A. Blue and jump back in for E. Jackson.

BRC

Didn't expect that one, don't know how to feel again

Capt Ron

This may be my favorite draft ever for Houston.

BFD

Oddly, he's a much better fit than Lamar Miller. And you can fix fumbling.

Ryan

Excuse Tim and me, we need a moment.

[Editor’s Note: Barf.]

BFD

Ahem.

Capt Ron

D'Onta has a twin brother?

Do the Texans have the rights to both of them? We could use one as a decoy!

Tim

Yeah, don't leave BFD out. He was there during the D.X. Bible years.

Brett

Wow Bradie James sighting.

Luke

(To BRC) Good News, Alfred Blue probably isn't going to be getting many touches anymore. Bad News, we drafted a RB with a good few RB's who I think are as good as Foreman and still haven't addressed the CB/S or Offensive line stuff.

BFD

(To Luke) The Texans still don't have a plan. I love Foreman, as in I think he'll be a solid pro, but I'm going to try out for S next week.

MDC

Agreed so far, Cap.

Day Three

Capt Ron

There's a [kitten] good reason players with exceptional talent free fall in the NFL Draft for "off field issues."

Randy Gregory fails 7th drug test, has "blown off" NFL officials, per @TMZ http://ble.ac/2oJ23h3

Dallas Cowboys defensive lineman Randy Gregory reportedly failed his seventh NFL drug test in February and has "blown off" league officials attempting to discuss the situation.

On Saturday, TMZ Sports reported Gregory's friends are "deeply concerned for his well-being," while other sources close to the defender believe he's "drifted from football" and think his playing career might be over after the latest setback.

Mike

The Eagles fight song would mean a lot more if they'd ever actually won anything...

Brett

[KITTEN]. Eddie Jackson off the board to Chicago.

Luke

WHY IS JIM CRAMER THERE?

Diehard Chris

LMFAO he misspelled Eagles - see, he needs to practice!

BFD

One of the stupidest people in the world can't spell Eagles? Color me surprised.

Brett

H-H-H-H-HOUSE OF PAIN

Mike

Oh look, they're going to commercial break several picks ahead of Houston. Now, they'll come back and gloss over it...

Brett

Hoping for Desmond King here for safety.

Capt Ron

Yep, me too.

Otherwise, Butt at TE would be good. Hope that knee is OK.

Mike

What about Jordan Leggett? Give Watson a familiar target to go with D-Hop...

(Later)

So much for my commercial break theory...

Capt Ron

Houston's pick is in...COMMERCIAL BREAK!

It's absolutely at 100% for every pick of every draft for the Texans to be during a commercial break. Unbelievable assholes over there at NFL Network!

BFD

It's funny you guys don't think I'ma gonna spoil this pick, anyway.

BRC

Like [kitten]ing clockwork

Texans Select Julien Davenport

BFD

Safety: not an actual position in Houston.

BRC

Ermmm... yay?

BFD

I like the positional pick, but he's a project.

Luke

Wasn't that the lesson on the first round? Safety isn't as important as we thought?

Also I kinda wanted Roderick Johnson instead but Davenport's good if you get the vapors about athletes.

Capt Ron

Mayock mentioned that Derek Newton suffered double-torn Achilles tendons last year.

[Kitten]!! I thought it was double-torn pateller tendons. Why wasn't I informed of this new information?!!!

Brett

Raw as raw can be, but he's long and has decent athleticism. Won't be ready to play until at least 2018, I think.

BRC

Ron is that a jab at Mayock or...? Cause it was definitely patellar tendons

I thought Kendall Lamm sort of filled that project OT mould well

Capt Ron

Yeah, Mayock just got it wrong. I'm surprised they don't have profile cards for players to reference these things. No biggie.

Brett

They actually have entire binders full of profiles for every single prospect as well as injured starters/free agents for every team. I know that because I helped put them together one year as an intern :P

BRC

Not a great bench for him, but those other results are nice

Texans Select Carlos Watkins, thus forming the Texans’ Clemson Tide.

Brett

We Clemson now, fam

Capt Ron

Fournette may have negative yards rushing twice a year for most of his career in the AFC South. Houston isn't screwing around.

Except with respect to safety. We may as well be watching Animal House on how they have treated that position.

Tim

A Reader-Watkins rotation is going to be fun.

BRC

Does Watkins not project as a 3-4 DE?

Watt, Covington, Heath, Watkins and Reader is not bad, but there's no real definitive starter opposite Watt when we're in the base package, which admittedly isn't a lot of the time

Mike

Aaron Wilson

Clemson players now on Texans' roster: DeAndre Hopkins, Deshaun Watson, D.J. Reader, Carlos Watkins

Now if we can get Dabo Swinney...

Capt Ron

An orangutan just made the pick for the Colts.

Mike

Not to be mean, but the lady making the Colts picks has what might be the most unpleasant female voice in TV history.

Luke

Wow, we wouldn't even return CUTLA's calls. Man that's cold.

BRC

I mean, i wouldn't want to speak to him either

Diehard Chris

Why does Rick Smith, former defensive back, hate safeties so much?

Capt Ron

No Desmond King?!! "Fire Rick Sm...."

Eh, he's actually developing into a better GM. I like the creativity and aggressiveness to move and get what you want instead of sitting and watching the world go by.

Luke

We're really betting on Kevin Johnson being healthy this year aren't we?

BFD

I'm all hot and bothered now. THANKS, MIKE.

Capt Ron

Watch Houston trade with the Patriots for Butler since NOLA loaded up on DBs.

Mike

(To BFD) You got hot and bothered the moment you caught a glimpse of the mirror as you exited the shower... don't put that on me.

BRC

(To Luke) Nothing to say he shouldn't be healthy this year, they weren't major major injuries if you get what i mean

Capt Ron

TE run going on...let's get Bucky Hodges!

(Later)

Jadar Johnson tops the remaining board for safeties. Also from Clemson.

BRC

Double down at OT and go Adam Bisnowaty here?

Capt Ron

May as well. Can't have enough OTs. The same could be said about safeties, but I surrender.

Also, the Colts are making me nervous. This orangutan appears to be an upgrade to Grigson.

BFD

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!

Luke

Man Mike Mayock is the best sometimes.

BFD

I think Mayock could really use a hug.

Luke

That was funny though BFD. Just the deadpan delivery of the ''It's not been a dream of mine'' line.

Texans Select Treston DeCoud.

BRC

Never heard of him, so looked up his draft profile. Big, physical corner that do things in the run game. Bit suspect with speed effecting his coverage, could be a safety conversion.

Kind of fits I guess

Capt Ron

"Has outstanding size with long arms. Recognizes misdirection and plays with decent football instincts."

"He didn't have the academic scores to go to a FBS program out of high school."

"Gets behind early when pressing receivers with release quickness off the snap. Backpedals from a narrow base with labored feet. Will lose some balance and body control when forced to transition against in-breaking routes."

4.62 40-yard-dash.

So we got a tall, long-armed, slow, academically challenged safety? Who scouted this guy? Must have been the same guy who worked on Brock's file.

SMH

Brett

To be fair, academically challenged doesn't mean low football IQ. Frank Gore was dumb as a box of rocks when it came to college core classes, but he's one of the smartest running backs to ever play the game.

Capt Ron

That's a good point. Watson scored low on the Wonderlic, but has tremendous football IQ.

Still, I hate the way the Texans treat the safety position like it is such an afterthought each year.

BFD

Eisen is totally tweaking Mayock's nipples.

Brett

I'm watching the NFL Now stream. What did they say?

BFD

They keep talking about the orangutan and other irrelevant stuff. Entertaining in a 14 year old boy kind of way, and since I'm as crispy as they are, IT'S FUNNY!

Mike

And Vinnie Testaverde didn't know how to spell "rocket" or "scientist" but was a Rain Man when it came to football knowledge...

Capt Ron

I like DeCoud's interview in that embedded video. Seems like a good mature personality. If he can perform on the field, it's a good pick.

BFD

Charley Casserly stacked Philly cheesesteaks he delivered to the broadcast team with predictable results. THERE'S CHEESE [KITTEN]ING EVERYWHERE.

Texans Select Kyle Fuller

BRC

Kyle Fuller, Center, Baylor

Pancakes is going to be [kitten]ing himself that this kid is out of Baylor

Assuming he can play guard too, as we have Mancz and Martin

(Later)

"Center Kyle Fuller said the Texans have talked to him about playing center and guard, so he's been training to play both during the pre-draft process. — Sarah Barshop”

Jeremy

Seeing Missouri St LB Dylan Cole signing with Texans on Twitter.

End of Draft

You’ve heard what we thought of the draft, all three days of gobsmacking fu. What did you think of the Texans’ performance in the draft? Drop your thoughts/knowledge/other in the comments below.