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This Week In BRB Group Think: Raiding The AFC South Cupboard

BRB goes through a ridiculous thought experiment where we snatch one offensive and one defensive player away from our AFC South foes.

NFL: Jacksonville Jaguars at Houston Texans
Hopkins vs. Ramsey figures to be a battle that should rage for many years in the AFC South.
Kevin Jairaj-USA TODAY Sports

SUMMER! Post-NBA, pre-NFL... a/k/a The Summer Doldrums. To combat this bleak hellscape, I have provided an admittedly ludicrous, asinine “thought experiment” puff piece for your reading derision pleasure.

Which two players would you pluck from our AFC South brethren to join the Houston Texans? We are looking for one offensive player and one defensive player from the entirety of the division. Bring on the taekz...

BFmf’n Retired D:

Offense: Marcus Mariota, just to troll Diehard Chris.

Defense: Jalen Ramsey, who is already special and is just going to keep getting better.


Defense: Calais Campbell, because you can never have too many solid defensive linemen.

Offense: Marqise Lee, erm, because it's slim pickings.

Uprooted Texan:

Offense: Marcus Mariota. It feels wrong to pick anybody from Tennessee, but I think I'd have to go with Marcus. Obviously the biggest hole we have on offense is quarterback. While Andrew Luck would be okay and more than enough to make the Texans a bona fide AFC threat, I think Mariota has higher potential than Luck and don't get me started on Blake LOLrtles.

Defense: Myles Jack. Not only would it take out a significant piece of the Jags defense, but Jack is an upgrade over Brian Cushing and Cushing gives the Texans additional depth which is never a bad thing.

Titan Matt Weston, Slanderer of Blade Runner and Huge Fan of the Texas Rangers, Currently 18 Games Behind the Astros and in the Midst of a Five-Game Losing Streak:

Offense: Jack Conklin. The obvious, and only really right answer here is Marcus Mariota, but that's too easy. The next best option is Conklin. He had a great rookie season. He can block both the run and the pass. He's probably going to be very good for a very long time, and one of the things Houston doesn't have is a right tackle.

Defense: Jalen Ramsey. Houston's cornerback depth chart is fine, but there are questions. Who knows how long Johnathan Joseph can be good? The red wine will eventually lose its luster. Kareem Jackson was below average last season. Kevin Johnson is dynamite that hasn't played an entire year.

Ramsey is the game's best young corner. He's physical and dominant, turning a reactive position into a controlling one. He's also a blast to watch, and it would make DeAndre Hopkins’ life easier at least twice a year.

Mike Bullock:

Offense: Leonard Fournette. The guy should turn out to be Adrian Peterson 2.0 and plugging him into the Texans’ run game would almost guarantee he becomes the greatest tailback in Houston history not named Earl Campbell.

Defense: Jalen Ramsey. Watching him and D-Hop go at it is fun, but would be more fun watching it at Texans practice. Johnathan Joseph won't be around forever, and you can never have too many great, young corners.

Captain Ron:

Offense: Taylor Lewan from the Titans. Houston is in dire need of offensive line, especially if there's any hope for Tom Savage or Deshaun Watson to survive an entire season.

Defense: Malik Hooker from the Colts. If there's a weakness in the Texans' defense, it is at the safety position. Hooker may just be the next Ed Reed for this generation of NFL ballhawks.

Luke Beggs:

Offense: Jack Conklin. Picking QBs here is for nerds. Conklin was part of that glorious Tennessee offensive line that turned opposing defenses into fleshy pavement for the Titans RBs to walk all over. Per Football Outsiders, runs over the right end and right tackle (Conklin's side of the offensive line) ranked second in yards per carry compared to the rest of the league last year. With Derek Newton's injury, Conklin would all but secure the Texans’ right side for now and offer them a potential stud left tackle in the future when Duane Brown retires or loses form.

Defense: Myles Jack, BABEEEEEEE. Yeah, Jalen Ramsey is sweeter than honey but Jack is the 240 lb. linebacker that moves like a RB. Is Houston stacked at linebacker right now? Yeah, but Jack is the legitimate cover linebcker, which the Texans have been craving for years. Just imagine running a 4-3 defense with Zach Cunningham, B-Mac and Jack as the three LBs? It's nothing short of awe-inducing.

Not a single Andrew Luck in the bunch. Not as much of a surprise now as it would have been this time last year or two years ago.

What say you, BRB? Mash through the doldrums along with us and share your thoughts on the subject in the comments section below!