Gather ‘round, Texans fans, as we seek to watch three of our rivals fall this afternoon. The Titans are hosting the Seahawks, so we’re all Russell Wilson and Richard Sherman fans ‘round these parts right now. The Bengals are taking on the Packers at home, and suddenly Aaron Rodgers is our favorite quarterback. The Chiefs are at the Chargers, and Philip Rivers’ bolo tie is now the hottest item on the market.
If you’re a good Texans fan, you’re like me and you loathe and despise the Titans. The Titans (our former Houston Oilers) are 1-1 and first in the AFC South because they beat the Jags (who beat the brakes off of us Week One, but we’ll leave that to rest along with Tom Savage’s dreams of being starting quarterback in Houston). The Seahawks tend to be a little less intimidating when they have to travel across the country to play, but we need them to drink some coffee, eat some fish, and get to business this afternoon to help us out.
Andy Dalton hails from Katy, Texas and rejoiced in finally winning a game in our stadium (he also engaged in what has to be the lamest feud in the history of lame feuds when he and J.J. Watt got into it over bullying and red hair a few years ago). We don’t really dislike the Bengals for any reason other than making the Red Rifle cry just feels right and good to us, and we like to keep seeing it. For that to happen today, the Packers need to return to their dominance of old and manhandle both Dalton and the defense. Ahem, Go Pack Go!
We, as a fanbase, don’t like the Chiefs fans and they don’t like us. I really don’t know of any particular reason this franchise would despise the Chiefs (since the Titans stole our history), but games against KC tend to be testy affairs here. The Chargers made the move to Los Angeles and haven’t done a d@mn thing to win over the city with their 0-2 record, so the only thing they’ve got going for them is that they’re at home. Nevertheless, Philip Rivers’ bolo tie is an amazing sight to behold, and he really does get overlooked as a solid starting quarterback because his team doesn’t and won’t do anything meaningful over the course of the season.
It’s another three games for us to obsess over, and we’re ready!