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It’s (almost) finally here. In just a few short days, your Houston Texans will take the field against the AFC South rival Jacksonville Jaguars before a raucous NRG Stadium crowd.
The BRB staff, like all of you, have been waiting with baited breath for months for this moment. Before we push off the dock, let’s see how the staff sees 2017 going for the Texans, both record-wise and through some worthless individual “award” speculation in several categories.
Tim:
Record: 11-5
Playoffs: Yup. They'll win the AFC South and lose in the divisional round to the Steelers.
Offensive MVP: Deshaun Watson. You’ll have to be patient, though.
Defensive MVP: J.J. Watt. He was already on a mission, and then Harvey happened. Havoc shall be wreaked.
Most Improved: D.J. Reader. I consider Benardrick McKinney to be the Fourth Horseman of this defense, so let's make D.J. the fifth, just to raise the level of apocalypse this defense will visit upon the rest of the NFL.
Most Disappointing: Lamar Miller. It won't be entirely his fault, but I fear we're going to see a lot of runs that don't yield much between the tackles and gradually result in D'Onta Foreman getting more and more carries as the season progresses.
Best/Biggest Impact Rookie: Deshaun Watson. He's starting no later than November 5th against the Colts, and Watson (along with a fierce defense) leads this team to an 8-1 finish after they start 3-4 and are left for dead.
Luke Beggs:
Record: 7-9.
Playoffs: No playoffs.
Offensive MVP: DeAndre Hopkins.
Defensive MVP: Jadeveon Clowney.
Most Improved: Braxton Miller.
Most Disappointing: Jay Prosch.
Best Rookie: Nick Martin (technically, he’s still a rookie since he hasn't played any games).
Capt. Ron:
Record: 9-7.
Playoffs: Yes, and an exit in the second round in humiliating fashion (again) due to an inept offensive scheme and mistakes on special teams.
Offensive MVP: C.J. Fiedorowicz (check-down recipient).
Defensive MVP: J.J. Watt.
Most Improved: Kevin Johnson.
Most Disappointing: Ka'imi Fairbairn. He’ll set a franchise record number of missed field goals in one season in Houston’s "All Field Goal Offense."
Best Rookie: D'Onta Foreman.
Brett Kollmann:
Record: 10-6.
Playoffs: Yes, they’ll be AFC South champions.
Offensive MVP: DeAndre Hopkins (duh).
Defensive MVP: J.J. Watt (duh).
Most Improved: Tyler Ervin.
Most Disappointing: Jeff Allen. It's always Jeff Allen.
Best/Biggest Impact Rookie: Zach Cunningham.
Jeremy Brener:
Record: 10-6.
Playoffs: Yes, AFC South champs.
Offensive MVP: Lamar Miller.
Defensive MVP: Jadeveon Clowney.
Most Improved: C.J. Fiedorowicz.
Most Disappointing: Alfred Blue.
Best/Biggest Impact Rookie: D’Onta Foreman.
BFMF’nD:
Record: 7-9.
Playoffs: Nope.
Offensive MVP: DeAndre Hopkins. It's the two greatest words in the English language! De fault. De fault. De fault.
Defensive MVP: J.J. Watt.
Most Improved: D.J. Reader.
Most Disappointing: Brian Cushing.
Best/Biggest Impact Rookie: Deshaun Watson.
Ryan Dunsmore:
Record: 9-7.
Playoffs: Si. AFC South champs.
Offensive MVP: DeAndre Hopkins. Is there really another option?
Defensive MVP: Jadeveon Clowney.
Most Improved: Braxton Miller.
Most Disappointing: Kareem Jackson.
Best/Biggest Impact Rookie: D'Onta Foreman.
UprootedTexan:
Record: 9-7.
Playoffs: Yes, AFC South champs, then one and done in the playoffs.
Offensive MVP: Tom Savage. What? It could happen.
Defensive MVP: J.J. Watt (obvs).
Most Improved: Tyler Ervin. Shut up.
Most Disappointing: Lamar Miller.
Best/Biggest Impact Rookie: D’Onta Foreman.
Mike Bullock:
Record: 10-6.
Playoffs: AFC South Champions.
Offensive MVP: D'Onta Foreman.
Defensive MVP: J.J. Watt.
Most Improved: Jaelen Strong.
Most Disappointing: Bill O'Brien.
Best/Biggest Impact Rookie: Deshaun Watson.
What say you, BRB readers? Feel free to copy/paste the categories in the comments below and let us know how you see the season going. I also challenge you creatively to make some some amusing/ridiculous additional categories. If there are some good ones, perhaps the BRB staff will also take a crack at your alternate 2017 awards.