Hair of the Dog - Texans v. Colts (Texans Break the Streak)

Ugliness. The last quarter of yesterday’s game was pure ugliness.

Considering the last time the Texans won was almost an entire calendar year ago, I will say the team and this fan base will take it any way we can get it.

An 0-3 start after months of waiting in anticipation for a revitalized Houston Texans truly tested Texans fans at their core. This fourth game, the third of which has been on the road, became a breaking point for a coaching staff, fan base, and locker room. Too early to tank and too late to make a playoff push, thorough discontent had set in. But this Texans team and franchise, like the city it calls home, is resilient.

I would rather lick the streets of a New York City subway station than be 0-4. I don’t know where this team is going under Brian O’Brien, but at least it isn't going down the drain - at least for this week.

Pre-Game:

MDC

Random, fatalist question: how badly would Houston have to lose today for BO’B to really be in danger of a mid-season firing?

First Quarter:

Cunningham lands big hit on Colts RB.

Weston

Zach Cunningham was googling himself this week.

MDC

This secondary makes me long for the days of C.C. Brown and Von Hutchins

UT

Are we sure that C.C. Brown and Von Hutchins aren’t still playing on this secondary?

Colts score on the first drive. Texans are down 0-7.

Vega

Looks like Matt Stevens to me

MDC

Current Matt Stevens, right?

Vega

Blindfolded, current Matt Stevens.

Weston

Bill O’Brien needs to go to church next Sunday for that one.

Vega

Perhaps, but he needs to go to hell for everything else.

UT

And this technically keeps his All-Field-Goal-Offense intact, too. It’s perfect.

Clowney fumble recovery for a TD in the end zone. Texans tie the game at 7-7.

MDC

I trust Clowney to find the end zone more than any RB on the team, so I’m fine with this.

Vega

I will take the O’Brien offense if it means we FINALLY get a healthy Watt and Clowney together.

Weston

Hell yeah. Clowney exists. That was a great rip on the edge to beat That’s so Raven Clark.

UT

[KITTEN], a security guard is down on the field. Hope he’s okay.

I think the Colts might have murdered him.

MDC

Dude is being strapped to the spine board. Yikes.

There’s something perfect about Matt Leinart in a Berry-Rita commercial, but I call kitten on his ability to complete that pass to the old woman in stride.

(ed. note: This was not hard to find... oh, how the strong have fallen)

Will Fuller V touchdown from Watson. Texans up by seven.

When did Will Fuller turn into Cris Carter?

UT

And now we’re back to 2016 levels of discipline.

End of First Quarter. Texans 14, Colts 7. Colts have the ball at their 44 after just converting a long third down.

Second quarter:

Weston

Those inside rushes with Mercilus and Clowney is another thing that shouldn’t have taken three weeks to happen.

UT

Will Fuller is a bad, bad man.

Hard to tell if Fuller’s foot was inbounds. Catch hopefully stands as called.

MDC (to UT)

Should. No way to say definitively that it’s NOT in bounds.

UT

Catch stands, and I fully expect CBS to show us that catch no fewer than 178 times to indicate it shouldn’t be a catch.

I believe that’s right, and nauseating.

Andrew Luck throws an errant pass.

UT

Andrew Luck: 6’4”, laser noodle arm.

Weston (to UT)

It breaks my heart, UT.

UT

The Colts have no answer for that Will Fuller out route (I think that’s an out route, I never can remember the names).

Deshaun was lucky that wasn’t picked off.

J.J. finally getting in on the action.

Weston

I love that long arm pass rush

UT

Watson faked out the cameraman there, which doesn’t say a lot of the cameraman since that was such an obvious fake.

Weston

[KITTEN] Adam Archuleta

UT

Senio Kelemete is hurt.

Four sacks in one half. Seriously, this is gross.

Duke Ejiofor recovers a fumble, Texans in red zone.

UT

This field goal is going to be beautiful.

TOUCHDOWN NUK!

Texans lead 21-7.

Luke Beggs

This is going well.

UT

Halftime!

Halftime. Texans up 21-10 and will receive the ball to start the second half.

MDC

J.J. Watt has 5 sacks in the last six quarters. Jadaveon Clowney is a mutant poorly disguised as a human.

If this team had a secondary, the defense would be amazing.

Alas.

Weston

This is FUN. It shouldn’t have taken three weeks for this to happen.

MDC (to Weston)

Also, the announcer mentioned that he keeps accidentally combining Hopkins and Watson into Watkins, and I kinda like WatKins as their celebrity couple nickname. Or even DeDe WatKins.

UT

Or a Watson/Fuller mashup WatLer.

Now that I type it out, nah.

Third Quarter:

UT

It’s early but I think we finally got a slot receiver that’s worth a [KITTEN] y’all.

Weston

Keke Coutee has a name that (a) sounds like a Powerpuff Girls character and (b) has that awful Drake song in my head.

Archuletta keeps giving Will Fuller the wrong first name. Andrew, Kyle...

UT

“And there’s Jefferson Starship Fuller for the first down, you know I’ve really been following him for a long time and I think he’s a great fullback.”

”He’s a receiver, Adam.”

”Whatever.”

Deshaun Watson scrambles for a TD against a broken down Colt’s defense.

UT

Deshaun Watson says “[KITTEN] you, I do it myself” and runs in for the TD.

Texans lead 28-10.

WE’RE GOING STREAKING!!!!

Texans are winning, but injuries are building.

UT

Will Fuller is questionable to return with a hamstring problem and Brian Peters is questionable too.

Clowney false starts again.

UT

Again, Clowney? Really?

MDC

That was an odd intentional grounding call.

UT

ARE YOU [KITTEN] KIDDING ME WITH THESE PENALTIES?!

MDC

Here we go. I was wondering where the secondary we knew and hated had gone.

Nyheim Hines 14 yard scoring pass from Andrew Luck keeps the Colts alive with a TD.

UT

Penalties in all the colors of the rainbow, result in a touchdown for the Colts.

Texans lead 28-17.

As pretty as that Texans TD drive was, that Colts TD drive was inversely proportional in its hideousness.

Wheels start falling off the Texans’ victory wagon... Colts almost complete a pick-six.

MDC

First down draw play. Whoda thunk it?

UT

The more I watch Coutee, the more I like what he brings to this offense.

Fourth Quarter. Texans 28, Colts 17. Texans have the ball and are working their way out of their own end zone.

UT

Your attention please, your attention please. A [REDACTED] sighting has occurred in the Dolphins game.

This is not a drill, there has been a [REDACTED] sighting at the Dolphins game.

MDC

[REDACTED] will find a way to make that loss even worse.

It’s like BO’B writes up three quarters’ worth of plays and strategy each week and figures he’ll wing the rest.

UT

Oh Durga, it’s the Battle Red Carpet defense.

I’d recognize it anywhere.

On Tyrann Mathieu:

Weston

I really do hate watching Tyrann Mathieu play.

UT (to Weston)

I wanted to like Mathieu. I really did. But [KITTEN].

Colts score again. Texans now lead by only four.

UT

I just got a “Houston, you have a problem” here at the bar and it took every ounce of self control I have not to fly across the room and kill him.

Vega

We’re going to lose this game, aren’t we?

UT

Yeah. We are.

Texans’ drive ends with a field goal to put Houston up eight with a little under three minutes left.

Weston

They have a chance to stamp this game out, and of course they are going to go soft and play for the FG. Kitten.

Current state of BRB:

MDC

I, for one, welcome the overtime loss.

Colts start drive to tie the game.

Vega

They are abusing Joseph

MDC

JJo couldn’t cover BFD right now.

UT

And there it is. Colts with the touchdown.

Vega

That was...inevitable

UT

That was the most “well, no [KITTEN]” touchdown drive I can remember. I suppose we should be used to blowing leads against Frank Reich by now.

Texans and Colts start overtime. Both teams tied at 31.

Overtime:

Vega

I will be amazed if Watson gets to touch the ball in OT.

UT

Aaaaaand now Colvin is hurt. Swell.

Vega

It’s hilarious how excited the announcers are, given the predictability of this game.

UT

“Houston, you have a problem” guy keeps coming up to me telling me the Texans are gonna win and now I kind of want them to lose just to shut his old [KITTEN] up.

Colts drive on first possession and kick a field goal to take the lead 34-31. Texans must make a field goal to keep the game alive.

On BOB’s predictability/inability in crunch time:

UT

Colts lead 34-31.

I can’t wait for all the draw plays that are coming on this drive.

Vega

I could see O’Brien get to 4th down here and then punt to end the game.

UT (to Vega)

I wouldn’t even be surprised, Vega.

”Gotta coach the right way. Getting first downs isn’t my job.”

Weston (to Vega)

lol I was thinking the same thing. He is 100% playing for the tie here

MDC

If they don’t stop with the WR screen, especially in crunch time, I’m going to lose my [KITTEN]’ing mind.

Keke Coutee makes a great catch and run.

UT (to MDC)

Seconded. On the other hand, holy [KITTEN] Coutee!

Hopkins cannot connect on a game-winning touchdown, forcing Texans to kick a field goal to tie the game. Sudden death football ensues.

MDC

Still can’t get over that near-TD. Hopkins catches that 99 times out of 100. Dammit.

Vega

They should kick an onside kick here. It would be awesome.

UT (to Vega)

It would make the inevitable that much faster, too.

MDC

At least the pass rush and secondary have been great in the second half...

Colts start stalling in their own inability to know how to win football games...

Weston

Gotta love the Colts O’Briening this game by running the ball.

UT

We’re so getting a tie.

Probably true, UNTIL Jadeveon Clowney sacks Luck for 10 yards.

MDC

Clowney!

Colts gain 17 of 21 needed yards for the first down. Now they are at their 43. Only need a couple of first downs for a field goal attempt by Adam Vinatieri.

Vega

Holy [KITTEN], they’re going for it. Don’t jump offside.

The Texans don't. Luck throws an incomplete pass and the Colts turn over on downs.

Weston

[KITTEN] YEAH

UT

INCOMPLETE, WE GOT A SNOWBALL’S CHANCE, Y’ALL!

Weston

This is the dumbest game I’ve ever seen

Vega (to Weston

Everything about this game is stupid.

DeAndre Hopkins makes a clutch catch in the middle of the field and the Texans spike the ball with three seconds left to set up a game-winning field goal attempt.

UT

GLORY TO ALL FIELD GOAL OFFENSE!!!!!

Texans win 37-34!

Vega

I can’t stop laughing. O’Brien got out dumbed!

Kenneth L.

LOSING MY MIND IN A SAN FRANCISCO HOTEL.

MDC

Maybe Frank Reich is going as Bill O’Brien for Halloween and wanted to try out his costume?

Texans win their first game of the season.

Post-Game

Kenneth L.

Any injuries to note?

Tim

Colvin was on crutches after the game and says he hurt his ankle.

Vega

I can’t tell you how happy I am that we didn’t give O’Brien an 10-year contract and then announce a move to Vegas

I like BRB giving out some game balls. Good feelings all around.

Offense - Got to give it to the kid Keke Coutee. If he keeps playing like that, we will finally know the answer to Drake’s song.... Bad joke? Could of been better, sure.

According to the HoustonTexans.com

With 11 catches for 109 yards, Coutee had the most receptions in a debut since the AFL-NFL merger. In NFL history, only the Oilers’ Sid Blanks had more, when caught 13 passes in his first game of 1964.

Defense: Jadeveon Clowney gets to take the ball home after four QB hits, a touchdown, four tackles for loss, and two sacks.

Special Teams: Give the kid some credit. He may have the longest name in the NFL, but definitely not the longest leg. Not too often you get a game-winning field goal in overtime as time expires to beat a team at its own stadium. A huge confidence builder. Ka’imi Fairbairn immediately etches his name into the record books for the franchise.