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Hair of the Dog - Bye Week Blues

Wherein the masthead talk about other games besides the Texans for your amusement.

Houston Texans v Denver Broncos Photo by Matthew Stockman/Getty Images

Good morning fellow Texans fans. As many of you were probably aware, the Texans were not involved in any of Sunday’s games. While we assume this is just yet another slight against our Texans because they’re jealous of how good we really are, this does not mean that this dog sleeps tonight. No sir, madam, or otherwise.

It just means we, your beloved writing staff, are focusing on other games going on, lesser games, games with other non-Texans teams who, I have little doubt, could be beaten by a group of elementary school children with pituitary disorders.

In this week’s HotD, you might notice that I do not feature in any of the discussion. First of all, you’re welcome, second of all, this is because I had a family function in the high, arid mountains of eastern Washington (the part without the trees) and could not watch a single game today.

So let’s get to this abbreviated Dog, shall we?

As always, in finest HotD tradition, all swear words will be replaced by the word [kitten]. These replacements are responsibly sourced from sustainable growers and 100% organic.

Enjoy!

Morning Games

Weston

I’ll have the game on while I watch condensed and some Watt/Clowney video and will have somethings to say.

It’s hilarious how much better Kansas City’s and New Orleans’s offense is compared to Houston’s.

Luke

I swear to [Kitten] if Mike Vrable leads the BESF’s to a victory over the Patriots I’m going to scream.

Diehard Chris

Luke, same. If Vrabel wins his first swing at Belichick I will be supremely annoyed.

Also, I have tickets for the Monday night game against Tennessee and I’m already nervous haha.

Luke

Consider yourself lucky Chris, only a few have bore witness to a live leading of men.

Also what on Earth is happening with the Jags defense?

Weston

The only good part of watching Titans’ games is Mike Vrabel’s post game joy ride to the center of the field. I’d do anything for that man.

Byron Leftwich freeing David Johnson from Mike McCoy’s cellar is one of my favorite parts of this season.

Also, HOU should try and trade for Zay Jones this offseason before New England does.

Luke

Nick CHUBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB

Also I want no know what’s the NFL record for most passing yards in a game without a TD. Fitzpatrick might do 350 without a TD which would be wonderful.

Matt Burnham

Never in all my years have I seen anything like this. Pathetic performance by everyone and it starts at the top.

Brady’s throws haven’t even been close.

The defense can’t stop anyone and they are making Mariota look like Dan Marino.

But the national sports media will come to the defense of them when I think Brady and Belichick should both take all the heat possible after this one.

Just a disgraceful display of football.

Capt Ron

I wish I could find a place here in London to watch the NFL games.

Also, If I were home to access photoshop on my PC, I would do an image of Vrabel holding up that Brady Bunch talisman (from their trip to Hawaii) as the reason Belichick and Brady were cursed today.

Kenneth L.

Jags officially falling apart. That is the most surprising story in the AFC. Titans just massacred the Pats and I do not know how that happened.

[Ed. Note: Okay, I lied, I make one cameo appearance and that’s it.]

UT

My wife and I are driving home from eastern Washington and she’s happy that the Traitors are beating New England.

She knows the whole Oilers/Titans thing but I can’t seem to get through to her why Tennessee beating New England is not a good thing (since she hates NE), can I get a little help here?

Weston

lol The Pats play a bad game and everyone loses their minds. It happens.

Bigger threat to the AFCS, TEN or IND?

Matt Burnham

Let me try.

The Titans beating the Pats isnt good because the Patriots will probably be playing one or maybe two road playoff games whereas they are virtually unbeatable at home come January. Their road to Atlanta just became a whole lot tougher.

Oh, and the Titans winning makes the Texans hope at the division crown tougher. That too...

Weston

It’s a good thing [UT], NE losing is always a good thing.

Luke (to Weston)

IND.

As much as I fear Leader of Men Mike Vrabel I just don’t think they have a consistent element on their team which I fear.

I fear Andrew Luck’s receeding hairline and T.Y. Hilton.

Afternoon Games

BFD

While I do agree with Luke that IND is the bigger threat because of the air game, the BE-SFs scare me because that offense might get its shit together one day.

Also, how crazy of a football day has it been? Chargers can’t even exploit the [kitten]y OAK secondary.

Luke

I want to know if Ryan Fitzpatricks 406 was the most yards in a game by a QB without a TD, who do I contact to find this?

Weston

Pro Football Reference Game Play Finder

HAHAHA only Matthew Stafford has done it

Proof of Stafford’s “accomplishment.”

[Kitten] it only goes back to 1998 BUT still

Luke

You’re [kitten]ing kidding me. Both of those QB’s are on my fantasy team.

The [kitten]ing chances of that happening.

Also that Detroit offense for a few years was just bonkers.

Weston

Back when they actually threw the ball downfield.

For what it’s worth, Brian Peters is one of the worst linebackers I’ve ever seen. Houston went to some 4-3 looks v. DEN and he was atrocious.

Luke

Yeah I trust no one past the starters to be anywhere helpful at most of the positions in the Texans defense except maybe safety where we’ve gone from having 4 guys who can do nothing to 3 good players and 1 suitable starter.

My dreams are filled with the Texans switch to a 4-3 defense next season and having a Cole, Cunningham and BMac LB core.

Weston

I’m still not all the way there on Cole. He hasn’t played much, and he hasn’t been great enough to make a scheme change around.

Diehard Chris

Can someone remind me when and how we lost Cole for the season? For some reason it’s a total blank spot in my brain.

Luke

Neither am I.

It’s just 4-3 takes Clowney off of the LB corp and potential a coverage assignment. Also so long as the injuries don’t kill him like their did Cushing then Cole can cover that flat zone in a Cover 4.

I think it just suits the defensive line more to got 4-3 or 4-2-5

Also Dislocated Wrist, Chris.

BFD

This wanker said it was a wrist injury.

Sunday Night Football

Kenneth L.

Su’a filo is playing for the cowboys tonight. Can’t wait to watch some high quality whiffs

BFD

TBH2O4ever.

Told y’all this week would be short.

Game Balls - None because [kitten] these teams!

Did anything about Sunday’s games stand out to you at all? Just how bad was Brock Osweiler again? Will next week’s HotD be longer than this week’s? You better believe it now commence to commenting.