This post is about unsolved mysteries. Whenever possible, the actual players and coaches have participated in recreating the events. What you are about to see is not a news broadcast.
Tonight on Unsolved Mysteries, we investigate ordinary players involved in extraordinary events.
Patrick Mahomes throws for almost 500 yards and scores six touchdowns in a loss to the Rams. The following night, his locker was covered by a large husk believed to be freshly shed skin and had an egg perched on it. Is Mahomes a lizard person with super strength bent on world conquest?
A red-faced man who claims to be able to solve the problems of whatever team he coaches for is still at large. He is adept at convincing wealthy adults with lukewarm IQs and haircuts that cause children to shriek in horror to turn over control of their team, and control of their money, to him. He has struck once before in Florida and is currently believed to be plying his trade somewhere in California.
In Nashville, Tennessee, a hideous specter has been spotted in an abandoned football stadium. Witnesses claim that the apparition had only two fingers, one on each hand, and held them up at passers-by. Who could this ghost be? Is it possibly just side effects of meth fumes? And why shouldn’t they have the place exorcised of these hideous beings?
I’m Robert Stack. These stories and more await, and even though I’ve been dead for 15 years, I’m still stuck here narrating episodes about mysteries involving football players I’ve never heard of. Except that ghost. He’s an [censored].
Stack: Our top story, a highly touted wide receiver, still in peak physical shape, and hungry for an opportunity to prove himself, was traded from the only team he had ever known, the Denver Broncos, to a scrappy bunch from the south, the Houston Texans, just before the trading deadline passed.
Stack (voiceover): Demaryius Thomas, once the primary option for star quarterbacks like Peyton Manning and—what the hell is a Tim Tebow? Thomas, a star wide receiver, went to the Texans for a fourth round and seventh round draft pick. Both the team and Thomas himself were happy for the move.
Texans General Manager Brian Gaine: After Will Fuller went down for the year, we needed someone to fill his shoes. Demaryius was being floated out there by the Broncos and we went out and grabbed him. We thought Deshaun needed another legitimate receiving threat to keep defenses off balance and we knew that Demaryius had something to prove since we all knew he would be a rental player.
Texans Head Coach Bill O’Brien: It was a win-win in my opinion. His presence would open up several pages of my massive playbook, the super secret ones, you know, that I write in invisible ink so nobody will know about them, not even my players. He came in, got right to work, putting the team first, trying to build a rapport with Deshaun. I liked where his head was at as well as the cut of his jib and it didn’t take long for him to really integrate into our team concept here.
Demaryius Thomas’ first test would be against his old team, the Denver Broncos. It appeared to be a happy marriage. Thomas was heavily involved in the game and even broke a long play into Broncos territory to set the initial tone of the game.
O’Brien: What he said.
(Producers prod O’Brien to elaborate)
O’Brien: We got him involved early and often in that game and he looked good. Not 2014 good, mind you but he looked really good for a longtime veteran of the league. It looked like those two draft picks were going to pay off for us.
Texans Quarterback Deshaun Watson: It felt natural throwing to him, you know? Like I’d been doing it for years. All I could think of after that Denver game was how great it was going to be to have him and DeAndre and Keke all in the backfield to throw the ball to. It was going to be a blast.
But fate, as it turned out, had other ideas in mind for Demaryius Thomas and the Houston Texans. When the Texans arrived in Washington to play their most recent opponent, there was some concern among their coaching staff about Thomas.
O’Brien: I’d heard there had been a problem about Demaryius hours before the game was supposed to kick off, but nobody could give me a straight answer about what had happened. Some said he missed the flight, which made me think “oh great, he’s Ryan Mallett all over again.” Some said they hadn’t seen him since the end of the Broncos game two weeks ago, nobody knew where he was. It was really frustrating on one hand because I’d spent the last couple of weeks teaching him my super special secret plays in the playbook. After all that time and effort, he just flakes like this?
Watson: It just didn’t seem like something he would do. We’re all professionals here, after all. We waited as long as we could but as the clock ticked toward gametime, we had no choice but to go out there and do our best without him.
A brand new wide receiver, one who, by all accounts, wanted to make a good impression on his new teammates, vanished. His friends and teammates all left scratching their heads about where he went, but despite it all, Demaryius Thomas is still missing to this day.
O’Brien: We couldn’t just say he disappeared, it would’ve caused too much of a sensation in the media. And if there’s anything the Houston Texans don’t want, it’s media attention. That usually gets back to Mr. McNair and he doesn’t like to be disturbed while counting all the money he makes off of this team for everything he’s put into this organization. At one point during Sunday’s game, we got desperate to show that everything was fine that we had Sammie Coates put on DT’s jersey and run a play just to show that everything is fine. It’s all fine. I’m sure he’ll show up soon.
A big name receiver traded to a new team and who flashed some potential to make an impact for that team. Demaryius Thomas had opportunity to show the Texans what kind of impact he could make. And then he was gone. The last time he had been seen was on November 5th at 9:22 a.m. Central Standard Time. Eyewitness accounts claim he had been spotted at a Shipley’s Donuts on Westheimer getting a dozen donuts for “a friend,” believed to be Jadeveon Clowney. Thomas has not been seen since then.
If you know the whereabouts of Demaryius Thomas or know someone who does, please call toll free to (832) 555-2002. His well being, and the well being of the Houston Texans, may lie in your hands.
Coming up, a former running back who claims he can speak to pterodactyls and has concrete visual evidence that NFL referees have had their brains hijacked by tiny aliens from another world. Stay tuned for more Unsolved Mysteries.