Houston Texans Final Score/Post-Game Recap: Texans 20, Jaguars 3

The Texans are AFC South champions for the fifth time in franchise history. The greatest prize in sports is once again theirs. Hang that banner up.

The Jaguars have a bottom five offense. They don’t do anything well. Blake Bortles was the worst non-rookie quarterback in the NFL this season. Leonard Fournette didn’t play. T.J. Yeldon ate Doug Marrone’s bologna sandwich and has strangely been banned from the team. The Jags are on their backup center, their third string left tackle, and their third or fourth string right tackle. Corey Robinson stills has orange Cheeto dusted fingers from unemployment. This unit put together one of the worst offensive games you’ll ever see.

Against these moldy dumpster cats, J.J. Watt abused Robinson and padded his stats. Angelo Blackson was unblockable. Shareece Wright made tackles along with the rest of the secondary. Carlos Watkins even had a sack. Bortles missed every open downfield throw available to him.

Don’t run the ball against the Houston Texans. You know this. The Jaguars had to anyway. They had no other option, and of course it didn’t work.

On Houston’s end, the Texans brought out the electric paddles and jolted the ground game by using Deshaun Watson as a runner. It’s something they’ve flirted with but haven’t really stuck with since Watson’s lungs turned from pink to blue against the Cowboys. But with Watson healthy, the Texans went back to using some killer zone reads and red zone runs to help a line of scrimmage that’s been abhorrent in the run game.

DeAndre Hopkins had the best game against Jalen Ramsey in his career. Watson was sacked often by a still ferocious defensive front, but well, whatever, who cares? Watson came out of this game healthy and alive. Those flashbacks of Arian Foster blowing out his Achilles and Cecil Shorts III smashing his brain in meaningless late game situations are just flashbacks; that’s all.

The Texans will probably play next weekend since the Patriots beat the Jets, unless both the Chargers and the Chiefs lose to the Broncos and Raiders, The Texans will probably play the Colts at home next weekend, unless the Titans somehow win. This roast still needs three more hours in the slow cooker.