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Saturday Night’s Alright For Commenting: March 31, 2018

Take off your pants and jacket. It’s S.N.O.T. time.

MLB: Houston Astros at Texas Rangers Kevin Jairaj-USA TODAY Sports

I used to die for the Texas Rangers to be good at baseball. But now I don’t care. I don’t care at all if they win another baseball game. I don’t care if they ever win the BIG game.

I just enjoy watching them play. I like the pace. I like the spring and summer. I like having all the windows open, the ceiling fan on, the air conditioner off, and napping in a puddle of my own salt. I like going for walks and listening to Tom Grieve. I like the horn introduction of “Born To Run“ more than listening to the entire song itself. I like watching the ball go really high and the cafeteria chatter. I like the red jerseys. I like how the heat is what makes a Rangers game a Rangers game, like the ivy in Chicago, or the garishness in Miami, or that big wall in Boston.

I like Adrian Beltre’s bat to ball ability. I like Joey Gallo swinging long and putting baseballs on Mars. I like Martin Perez’s mediocrity. I like Matt Bush’s bad tattoos that remind of that Menzingers album. I like Rougned Odor swinging that long bat and breaking pitches away and out of the zone. I like how fast Cole Hamels works. I like Nomar Mazara’s gold chain. I like how a juiced ball made Elvis Andrus a strong enough man to put the ball over the fence.

I like the Texans Rangers as literally as you possibly can.

Anyways, that’s all I got. Have fun caring about your baseball team winning games and maximizing the window of contention. The rest is yours to talk about whatever you want, Texans or not. Just remember the standard commenting rules apply.