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Texans v. Chiefs: Post-Game Review And Quick Thoughts

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I saw a few things. Did you see what I see?

NFL: Houston Texans at Kansas City Chiefs Jay Biggerstaff-USA TODAY Sports

Last night, I did what you probably did. I sat on the couch for a few hours and watched the Texans play the first preseason game of the year. It was cool. It was fine. It was nice seeing everyone again. I don’t believe there’s much to gather from watching preseason games, but these are some quick thoughts on what I did see:

—The Texans can actually block the second level. Look, I know the Chiefs linebackers are terrible against the run. But still. This is something that hasn’t consistently happened since 2015, when the strength of the Texans’ offense was Ben Jones, Duane Brown, Brandon Brooks, Derrick Newton, and Xavier Su’a-Filo; they comprised an offensive line that, believe it or not, won games on their own. They moved the first level and put helmets on the second level. Since then, Houston hasn’t been able to block the second level at all. It’s been horrendous. However, last night, Julie’n Davenport and Senio Kelemete made some pretty second level blocks. Just getting a helmet on a chest is a celebration after the spotted deer stumbling, drunken wobbling, and pillow fight contact the Texans’ offensive line has had for the last two seasons.

—Speaking of Davenport, he looks strong! Outside on the edge, he devoured bull rushes. He looks wider. He has triceps! There’s reasons to worry about the offensive line (ahem, Seantrel Henderson), but hopefully Davenport isn’t one of them. I’m excited to watch him actually play real football against competition.

—One series of Deshaun Watson. One completion. Brandon Weeden corrals the offense. Throws behind Bruce Ellington. Ahhhhh, yes. There’s nothing as familiar as putrid Texans’ quarterback play. I hate myself. I hate watching Brandon Weeden play quarterback. And no, I don’t care about anything else he did for the rest of the game.

Jay Prosch is bad. He always is. He always will be.

—The first Jordan Akins touchdown was cool. He was lined up in the slot and ran a delayed out. Seeing Houston actually take advantage of the Chiefs’ shoddy linebacker group is something I’ve always wanted to see. People forget Frank Zombo starts for them. The second Akins TD was even better. He ran a post against off-man coverage and generated separation out of his break immediately. Oh, no. Are we seeing the end of the Stephen Anderson era?

—I wouldn’t let Kendall Lamm hit the block button on Twitter for me.

—Somebody tell me where Romeo Crennel got his thick mummy strap wristband. I want to be just like him.

—Houston hasn’t had a third outside linebacker since John Simon brought out his spin move. Both Brennan Scarlett and Ufomba Kamalu have had shots and each has been dull and banal. Duke Ejiofor’s tape coming out of Wake Forest slams, bro. And in this one, he had a couple of nice pressures. His rip is lovely. I felt like I was watching a Diablo 2 Barbarian use whirlwind when he yanked that spin move. You can never have enough defensive backs. You can never have enough pass rushers.

Trevor Daniel was satin in the coffin pinning the Chiefs deep. Watch out, Shane. We’re coming for you.

—If Treston Decoud wants to play safety, he needs to learn how to tackle.

—We’re robbed this preseason if we don’t get at least one 2018 football Deshaun Watson/Joe Webb III backfield.

Troymaine Pope is so tiny. He’s so good at screens. You can’t see him among that forest of monstrous men running out in front of him.

—I’m so happy that stupid helmet penalty wasn’t called. I may actually be excited for the 2018 football season. What a strange feeling. I didn’t know I had it in me.

—The new episode of Better Call Saul rocks.

Anyways, that’s all I got. After having a night to process it, what are your thoughts on last night’s game?