Of all the trips I made around the sun, all of which required zero effort from me on my end—all you have to do is wake up, drink some water, eat a little bit, and then you arrive somewhere way out over there, and when you arrive there, you’ll have no idea how you got there—this trip has created the most unenthusiastic Super Bowl match-up I’ve ever seen. No one I talk to cares about Sunday’s game. My friends don’t. The people I sit next to so I can save up enough money to die in the desert one day don’t. The internet doesn’t care. Even last week, I didn’t really care.
Yes, we get it. The New England Patriots are really good. Tom Brady is the greatest quarterback of all time. Bill Belichick is the greatest coach of all time. They are the post-modern dynasty. It’s all very annoying. Especially because this was the worst Patriots team since 2007, and they transmogrified, shredding their shirt into wood chips, baying when ambulances passed by, banging their head to that wretched crazy train, hogging the ball, and eventually suffocating the Chargers and Chiefs. At least the Patriots actually had to beat some teams to get to this point this time.
Yet this isn’t very interesting. We all know the Pats are the best and the greatest. There’s nothing left to prove. What’s $7 billion to someone who already has $6 billion? The Patriots won’t be interesting until their downfall, which will probably never happen.
The Rams are the prototypical perfect narrative. Young quarterback. Hot, young head coach. A unique offense that has been unstoppable. The greatest defensive player in the league. An enormous market. But nobody really cares. It’s hard to get up for a team that won largely because of the worst non-call in the history of sports, made by a cornerback who’s spent the last week spouting off about Tom Brady despite getting beat three times by the Saints without ever receiving real punishment. Oh, and there’s no such thing as a Rams fan.
We’re tired. We’re bored. I get it.
But let me reach through that screen you are wasting your life behind, grab your hand, and shake your entire body to jolt energy into you. Come on! Be more fun! Live! Laugh! Love a little!
There’s still a lot to look forward to this Sunday in THE BIG GAME, the game that some say is the biggest game of the year. We got the Rams’ running play action on every play, Todd Gurley’s revenge after evaporating against the Saints, the Patriots’ mediocre regular season defense trying to stay spectacular, Kyle Van Noy being way better than he ever should be, pressure created through stunts, Stephon Gilmore versus Robert Woods, Brandin Cooks bracketed, Elandon Roberts run stops, two of the best offensive lines in football at getting to the second level, Aaron Donald’s blender hands, Ndamukong Suh being the boulder that even Sisyphus couldn’t move, Wade Phillips trying to win his second Lombardi Trophy, New England’s quick passing attack that doesn’t have a dominant receiver but does have a bunch of different guys who do a bunch of different things, Dante Fowler’s one great pass rush combined with two awful penalties, the battle of the biggest brained coaches, Tom Brady going for six Lombardis, Rob Gronkowski running with a refrigerator on his back, and more.
AAAeeeUUgghhh! JEEEEEEEM, I can’t wait for this one.