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BRB Groupthink: Your Free Tarot Reading

Call your masthead now.

Fortune Teller Using Tarot Cards

Houston is tied with Tennessee at 8-5. Each team plays each other twice in the last three weeks, with the Texans playing the Buccaneers in Week 16 and the Titans playing the Saints that same day. Houston has a slight tiebreaker advantage because they are 3-1 in the division whereas Tennessee is 2-2. If either team sweeps, they win the AFC South. If Houston splits and beats Tampa, they win the division. If Tennessee splits with Houston, beats New Orleans, and Houston loses to Tampa, the Titans win the division. Various lifetimes. Various possibilities.

So how do you think the rest of the season plays out? What will each team’s record be? Will Houston make the NFL Playoffs or not? If they do, who do you think they will play in the first round?

These are the questions I asked the masthead. Here are their replies:


I think Houston splits with the Titans and loses to Tampa Bay, but the Titans lose to New Orleans. Houston gets in because they swept the Jaguars; good for them. I just want that Week 17 AFC South Championship Game.

In the postseason, I’m expecting the Texans to get knocked out in the Divisional Round. Hopefully they play Pittsburgh. I couldn’t take having to watch my favorite team play my Josh Allen.

Anyways, who cares? The Texans beat the Patriots!


The Texans will do the most Texans thing possible: they’ll win one of the last three, the last game against the BE-SFs, and back their way into the division championship after the BE-SFs have lost to the Aints.

That way, we go 9-7, make the playoffs, BOB and his fan club can claim victory, and he definitely keeps his job (not like I think Cal will fire him even if he went 0-16).

We can then get blown out in the first playoff game, and we can start strategizing what we’ll do with allllllllll those draft picks.


If the pattern remains on our side, Houston wins these next two games against the Titans and Bucs but loses the the last game against Tennessee. If that happens, the Texans win the division. I don’t see the Titans beating New Orleans unless they rest their starters a week early. However, the Texans could very well lose to Tampa’s high powered offense. This next game will determine who will win this division, and I’ll trust the Texans to repeat as division champions.

The Texans finish 10-6 and play the Steelers in the first round. They’ll beat them and move to the divisional round. Who they play determines if they’ll advance to the AFC Championship game. If they play New England, I’ll pick the Texans to win, but if they play Baltimore or Kansas City, they’ll lose.


Both teams will go 2-1. Which means the Texans and Titans split the series. The Titans beat the Saints because the Saints have already clinched the division, the 3 seed, and probably the bye. So they don’t have much to play for. The Titans also match up extremely well against the Saints so they have that going for them. Texans will beat the Bucs bc otherwise I’m going to buy every single player on the Texans a live crab to shun them.

So by default the Texans win the division by the smallest of margins and play the Steelers in the first round. That game in NRG is basically a neutral site as Steelers Nation invades Houston.


I’m thinking with neither my head or heart on this one. I’m basically just talking to talk.

I think the Texans win out, and I’m calling a Titans upset over the Saints. So the Texans will finish 11-5 and the Titans will finish 9-7. The most Texans and Titans type of seasons ever.

The Texans will give you brutal performances like they did on Sunday at the hands of Drew Lock, but they rarely do it twice in a row. I expect them to be focused and ready. I know Jameis Winston will put up points the next week, but I also know he will throw three interceptions...minimum. Houston will close out the year with a home victory over the Titans with the three seed in place as they have the tiebreaker over Kansas City.

The Texans will probably play the Buffalo Bills in the first round and they will win an ugly 20-17 game to advance.


I could totally see the Texans winning decisively this weekend, thus sending the fan base back up the roller coaster, and then beating Tampa Bay. Mike Vrabel’s squad beats the Saints next weekend, leaving a ton of implications on the final game between Houston and the Not-The-Oilers. The Texans lose in Week 17 on a last minute play that’s more dumb luck than strategy to back into the NFL Playoffs simply on strength of tie-breaker. Once there, they face the Steelers, almost drop the game, but win in the final minutes. The fan base goes through steroid-level chest puffing only to have Houston face the Patriots and once again get decimated in the playoffs by Tom Brady and his band of misfit toys.

Houston 10-6. Titans 10-6.

If by chance Houston has to play the Titans in the wild card round, I might sell all my Texans gear and look to become a professional badminton fan so I don’t have to see that drek three times in one month.


The Texans will make the playoffs, but only just barely. I think we win against the Titans on Sunday before dropping the last two games. The Titans will lose to the Saints, which will give us the tiebreaker and we advance. I’m at the point in this season where predicting the Texans to win any game decisively is fool’s gold.

Once in the playoffs, I think we end up playing the Bills. The Bills will absolutely decimate us. Not because they are a vastly superior team, but because they have vastly superior coaching. Sean McDermott embarrasses Bill O’Brien for all to see that the emperor has no clothes.

Cal McNair will hold a press conference to assure all Texans fans that the organization is in good hands with BOB and that we will have a contender ready for next season.

Bonus Prediction: BOB will fire Romeo Crennel in the ultimate CYA move.

That’s how our deck has flipped. Pick a card. Read yours. Give us your predictions for how 2019 will play out below.