clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

Let’s Rank The Quarterbacks Because Jalen Ramsey Is Too Afraid To

New, comments

Sorry Jalen.

Jacksonville Jaguars v Houston Texans Photo by Bob Levey/Getty Images

As the upcoming NFL season goes hollering into labor longform profiles are published on star players like its Entertainment Weekly. Like this one on J.J. Watt where he details his summer offseason squalor and solitude like he’s Bon Iver or something. Or this one on Alvin Kamara where he admits he doesn’t like mushy foods, he’s so mysterious. Or this one on Jalen Ramsey, no, not that one where he claims he could be a professional hockey player, but this one when he discusses quarterbacks.

Josh Allen? Trash. Joe Flacco? Sucks. Jimmy Garoppolo? Didn’t beat us. Aaron Rodgers, Tom Brady, Marcus Mariota, Tyrod Taylor? Don’t suck. Jared Goff? Average. Dak Prescott, Derek Carr, Russell Wilson? Good. Kirk Cousins? Winner. Eli Manning? Odell is good. Big Ben? Ain’t all that. Blake Bortles? Does what needs to do. Nick Foles? Good enough to win a Superbowl. Drew Brees? Really good. Andrew Luck? Probably not good. Philip Rivers? Pretty good. Matt Ryan? Overrated.

The Jaguars saw their entire offense decimated by injuries and fell from 10-6 and the AFC Title game to 5-11, and lost to Josh Allen, Ben Roethlisberger, and Andrew Luck, quarterbacks that aren’t good. Their offense will be back to health this year. The pass defense should bounce back. Good enough to win a Superbowl Nick Foles is now their quarterback. The Jaguars are set to compete again after last year’s season from hell, but on this trip around the sun Ramsey has super glue for lip gloss, and isn’t talking about quarterbacks.

This time of year, when nothing is going on, when the league completely stops for summer vacations until training camps begin, is the best time to rank quarterbacks. I’m disappointed in Ramsey. I wanted more. I wanted him to feel bad for Deshaun Watson, say Ryan Tannehill is going to take over in Tennessee, call Josh Allen an electric display of youth but still trash, and plead for Dwayne Haskins to not wear the number 7 inside that ancient burial ground. I wouldn’t go so far to call him a coward, but I am disappointed.

Since Ramsey won’t talk about quarterbacks and rank them I will. There’s zero science here. There’s no film clips. It’s all feelings and memories that should be murdered.

32. Joe Flacco

31. Ryan Fitzpatrick

30. Eli Manning

29. Kirk Cousins

28. Josh Allen

27. Dwyane Haskins

26. Jameis Winston

25. Kyler Murray

24. Sam Darnold

23. Lamar Jackson

22. Derek Carr

21. Mitch Trubisky

20. Jimmy Garoppolo

19. Marcus Mariota

18. Andy Dalton

17. Baker Mayfield

16. Dak Prescott

15. Matthew Stafford

14. Nick Foles

13. Ben Roethlisberger

12. Jared Goff

11. Carson Wentz

10. Cam Newton

9. Deshaun Watson

8. Drew Brees

7. Philip Rivers

6. Andrew Luck

5. Matt Ryan

4. Aaron Rodgers

3. Russell Wilson

2. Patrick Mahomes

1. Tom Brady