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Hair of the Dog: Texans-Saints

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The gang gets together and hangs online and discusses the Texans newest devastating loss.

NFL: Houston Texans at New Orleans Saints Chuck Cook-USA TODAY Sports

That was one of most Texaniest losses the Texans have ever lost. It had it all. It was close for the entirety of it. Houston lost their lead they created by Bill O’Brien actually running an interesting offense and doing things like go for it on fourth down, and precious redzone defensive play. They lost this lead in the second half once the Saints kind of figured out to throw the ball downfield. They gained it back after two absurd throws from Deshaun Watson to DeAndre Hopkins, and then a touchdown throw to Kenny Stills. They left the Saints too much time on the clock. They threw it down field. They played prevent defense despite New Orleans only having six seconds left. Will Lutz nailed a 56 yard game winning field. The Texans Texaned.

Here’s the masthead’s conversation during the game. Let’s go back and revisit and relive this one.

First Quarter:

Capt Ron:

Let’s get this [KITTEN] deal started! Man it is humid here!!

Vega:

My daughter just called him Booger McFartland.

Luke Beggs:

No one can quite match Hank Williams screeches of ‘’YOU READY FOR SUM FOOOOOTTTTTBAWWWWWWW’’

Hopkins gets hit over the top and the ball is ruled incomplete.

Bigfatdrunk:

Hopkins had no drops in 2018. Ugh.

Vega:

Hey, we’re getting our first 3rd and long run now.

Uprooted Texan:

Kitten me this is gonna be a long game.

Matt Burnham:

Would you look at that. Watson barely protected. Shocker.

Bigfatdrunk:

Three drops. My bad.

Watson takes his first sack.

Matt Weston:

Kelemete screwed that pass pro up. I’m glad it’s week one and this entire offensive line has played zero snaps together.

Matt Burnham:

This is already awful

Watson takes his second sack.

Matt Weston:

A left tackle doesn’t immediately make an offensive line competent.

Luke Beggs:

Great they showed Clowney footage and now I’m sad. If I hear ‘’Establish the run’’ one more time then I’m gonna scream.

Bigfatdrunk:

What a stupid as kitten comment. YOU CANNOT RUN THE BALL AGAINST THE TEXANS.

Matt Weston:

RUSH J.J. WATT FROM THE INTERIOR

Whitney Mercilus picks off Drew Brees in the redzone.

Bigfatdrunk:

Damn nice play by Mercilus.

Luke Beggs:

Better ball skills than most of our DB’s.

Second Quarter:

Will Fuller makes a 54 yard catch.

Luke Beggs:

You can’t cover speed.

I wish Jason Witten’s toupee was still in that MNF booth so it wasn’t just pure 100% Booger. It wouldn’t be any better I’d just like some variety.

Matt Weston:

DAMN

Will Fuller is transient and beautiful.

Uprooted Texan:

BILL, NO, STOP, YOU DON’T KNOW HOW TO CHALLENGE!

HOW THE KITTEN DID WE LOSE TWO CHALLENGES ON ONE CALL?!?!

Bigfatdrunk:

Bill O’Brien is the worst. Just the worst.

Deshaun Watson keeps it on a 4th and 1 rushing touchdown.

Matt Weston:

That was a great play call. It’s great to see them do the things we were screaming for them to do the entirety of last year: throw the ball deep, use Watson as a runner, spread the offense out.

Luke Beggs:

They’ve run that backfield action that they used to run with Bruce Ellington twice and they need to do it so much more.

Matt Weston:

They used him as a runner occasionally last season, but the only game they were really went for it was week 17 v. JAX.

So far without Clowney they’ve generated only two pressures.

Run defense=still good.

Luke Beggs:

Also the Texans ranked 3rd in the NFL in the amount of times they rushed 3 last season. 3 rushers accounted for 16% of all of their defensive snaps last season. They are asking to be killed by Brees by not pressuring him.

Matt Weston:

Whoever stops running the ball first is going to win this game.

BigFatDrunk:

I love that we have a QB who, when the announcer says “the Saints will be in zone,” you think to yourself, GREAT! When the announcer says “the Saints will be in man,” you think to yourself, GREAT! It’s so cool.

Luke Beggs:

Well.......this is going well.

Vega:

I’m going to buy this drive a drink and stare at it awkwardly from across the bar.

Luke Beggs:

Where’s that sword Damocles?

BigFatDrunk:

IN MY PANTS.

Uprooted Texan:

Me: This is not going at all how I expected.

Tim: The long con.

Halftime:

Vega:

DW4 doing DW4 isn’t surprising, but I wasn’t expecting to be impressed by the Carlos Hyde/Duke Johnson show.

Matt Burnham:

First half thoughts?

That I’m a genius. Lol, jk.

Brain actually had his team ready to play a big road game. Gotta give credit where it’s due. The defense has stepped up. Watson is brilliant. Run game looks solid.

Really we might have different conversation if Whitney doesn’t get that interception and this has the feel of a game where one turnover might decide it.

I expect the Saints to come out with fire in the second half and the dome is going to be rocking. Stay focused, composed, don’t abandon what you’ve been doing.

Uprooted Texan:

That was our good half. Let’s see now if Brain can put together a full game.

Capt. Ron:

I’m here at the game. It’s freaking loud from both fan bases! O’Brien has the team ready to play at the start of the first game for the first time in his career. What a night!

BigFatDrunk:

Sean Payton’s decision to punt while in our territory was an incredibly stupid decision. Along with Brees’ pick in the red zone, the Saints are making some bad decisions.

That said, it’s still just a two score game.

Uprooted Texan:

I’ve never heard so much vitriol in person for the refs as I did at the end of that half and they deserved every bit of it.

Third Quarter:

Diehard Chris:

WELL THE PASS RUSH IS LOOKING KINDA ANEMIC - I WONDER IF THEY COULD USE ANOTHER PASS RUSHER GUYS

Watt looks gassed to me. I wonder if it has anything to do with not having JD Clowney out there to ensure he’s not doubled and tripled ON EVERY PLAY I JUST WONDER GUYS

BigFatDrunk:

On my Twitter feed, I saw people saying that BOB was the greatest GM in football history. After one half.

JKK, people are stupid.

Vega:

Those people don’t understand that you don’t measure those things on a scale of “games”. The near-term gains have to be compared against the long-term costs.

Diehard Chris:

Concerned DW4 is just coasting on adrenaline and cortisone to get through this game - and then we find out later that...

DeAndre Hopkins catches his second touchdown pass.

Jeremy:

Texans up 10, Astros up 10.

Great night man.

BigFatDrunk:

DW4 to DH again.

Vega:

That was a big TD to keep pace with the Astros.

Luke Beggs:

God freaking kitten they just might out score the Saints.

BigFatDrunk:

Well, Luke, you have to outscore the other team to win. #Spencer’d

Mike Bullock:

Imagine if Saffold was on our line now. Or if they’d gotten a quality olineman for Clowney...

Diehard Chris:

Imagine if they paid Clowney.

Mike Bullock:

I imagine that all the time, then I wake up screaming...

Matt Weston:

Here comes the Saints finally pushing it downfield some.

Vega:

Damn you, Luke.

Luke Beggs:

Don’t worry, Taysom Hill and Sean Payton are here to save my blushes.

Fourth Quarter:

Taysom Hill catches a touchdown pass.

Uprooted Texan:

This game is over

BigFatDrunk:

I realize it’s a bit early, but Bill O’Brien is the best GM in Texans history.

Uprooted Texan:

Боже мой

Luke Beggs:

Can’t Touch Kamara.

Matt Weston:

They rub their entire bodies all over him. They just can’t bring him down.

I’m dying for Brees to break a finger or something and see Teddy Bridgewater get his REVENGE.

Luke Beggs:

7 Minutes to win the game. Let’s see what BOB gets done.

Vega:

Whatever happens with BOB or Clowney, Watson and Hopkins still make me tingle.

Matt Weston:

Yeah. This team has the top end talent to make up for the atrocities committed. That’s what sucked so much about this entire summer. This should have been a slam dunk Superbowl contender.

Laremy Tunsil beaten for a sack near the end of the fourth quarter.

Matt Weston:

The Laremy Tunsil trade put the Texans in WIN NOW position.

Luke Beggs:

Tunsil beaten for the sack. You honestly couldn’t write that kitten.

TGC:

Hey guys, didn’t trading away all that stuff for that o-lineman put us in elite territory?

Matt Burnham:

So you mean to tell me that leaving Watson out to get killed and poor secondary play is why the Texans are losing? No way, couldn’t be.

DeAndre Hopkins and Kenny Stills make back to back catches to give the Texans the lead.

Vega:

Holy shit. That just happened.

Luke Beggs:

NO KITTENING WAY

Jeremy:

DESHAUN.

Luke Beggs:

OH MY GOD HE’S A GOLDEN KITTENING GOD

Kaimi Fairbairn misses the extra point, but makes his second attempt after a roughing ghe kicker pebalty gives him another try.

Vega:

Thank God for that penalty. I have to wake up at 4:15am to catch a flight.

Uprooted Texan:

There’s too much time on the clock!

Luke Beggs:

Holy kitten they got absolutely bailed by the penalty.

The Saints comeback to kick a game winning field goal and beat the Houston Texans.

Vega:

Hate that defense at the end.

Matt Burnham:

Houston doesn’t deserve Watson, Bill O’Brien does not deserve Watson, every single player in that secondary doesn’t deserve him.

Jeremy:

Cut Aaron Colvin.

Uprooted Texan:

Furthermore I contend that Bill O’Brien should be fired immediately and with extreme haste.