Hair of the Dog - What Is To Be Done Edition (Texans/Jaguars)

It’s amazing the difference a week can make when watching Texans football. Last week, we saw the Texans lose to a pretty bad Vikings team with a sluggish offense, abysmal defense, dissension in the locker room, and Bill O’Brien as the father of Houston Texans football.

Contrast that to today. The offense looked better, if not spectacular. The defense...well, Rome wasn’t built in a day, but regardless, it seemed like a better brand of football. Whether that’s because they were playing an even worse team in the Jaguars or because a corner has truly been turned is not entirely clear. I prefer to believe the former.

The future is brighter for your favorite football team than it was last week, but it’s not exactly what one would call “bright.” After all, even with O’Brien mercifully gone, the defense is a wreck, the team is littered with untradeable contracts, and those contracts were purchased with high draft picks from 2020 and the upcoming 2021 NFL Draft, which means it’s going to be that much harder to build the team through the draft.

All of this leads to a single question: What Is To Be Done?

Between the bad contracts, the lack of draft picks, and the general lack of talent currently on the roster, are the Houston Texans going to be able to get into contending shape quickly or is this going to require a full rebuild? And if it’s a full rebuild, who, if anybody, do you try to trade away for draft picks? Who’s untouchable? What teams would trade for the bad contracts that Bill O’Brien agreed to?

I don’t really have answers for you. Then again, I’m not angling to be the next head coach of the Houston Texans. General manager, on the other hand...

None of us have answers, obviously. None of us can see into the future of this organization and find out the answers to these questions. Ultimately, we can all just sigh with relief that the future is just a little bit brighter today than it was seven days ago. But that doesn’t stop us from speculating that big question that will be looming over this team for the next few seasons: What Is To Be Done?

Now, let’s get on to this week’s Dog.

As always, in finest, Hair of the Dog tradition, all swear words have been replaced with the word “kitten” to make this thread safe to read at work. It’s a lot safer now than it’s been the last several weeks, that’s for [kitten]ing sure.

Enjoy!

PREGAME CHATTER:

Carlos Flores at 11:48 AM

This game is going to be so bad that it folds in on itself and becomes good again.

Matt Weston at 11:49 AM

lol nooooo, today is beautiful and perfect and wonderful, and I’m so excited to be a Houston Texans fan again

Plus, it’s not like Jacksonville is a bad time. They’re pretty fun once you watch them and dig deeper than their 1-3 record.

Carlos Flores at 11:50 AM

Haha I get you, I’m meaning in a sense of bad like the Red River game bad.

Matt Weston at 11:52 AM

like bad defense, lots of scoring scoring bad?

Carlos Flores at 11:52 AM

exactly.

Matt Weston at 11:53 AM

Gotcha. I’m devastated Myles Jack isn’t playing today. He’s been awesome this year now that he isn’t playing MLB. Houston could score 41 today.

Carlos Flores at 11:53 AM

Plus, with Josh Allen being out, hopefully Deshaun can breathe just a little bit easier. This is a race to consume a 50-burger.

Joe Critz at 11:54 AM

man myles jack has been so good this year

theyre missing like their two best defenders this game haha

l4blitzer at 11:55 AM

The over is still 54.5...with these two Ds, and the injuries today, we could get there

Matt Weston at 11:55 AM

Today is such a great day to have a great day!!!

Joe Critz at 11:56 AM

carlos i know you like university of houston football

Kenneth L. at 11:57 AM

morning boys

Joe Critz at 11:57 AM

what’s ur opinion on d’eriq king quitting a few game into the season last year and then transferring to miami

BigFatDrunk at 11:57 AM

THIS IS A COLLEGE FOOTBALL FREE THREAD THANK YOU GOOD NIGHT.

Kenneth L. at 11:57 AM

im starting this day off at a four

Carlos Flores at 11:59 AM

Honestly, I don’t blame him. The program has kind of been floating in limbo since Herman left, which left some really solid talent wasting away with Applewhite and Holgorsen.

Vega at 11:59 AM

I get to watch a Texans game for the first time since week 1. Haven’t decided if that’s good or bad yet.

Carlos Flores at 11:59 AM

We’re used to talent fleeing at the first sign of trouble. We see it every year in the recruiting class.

I know that hangover must be killing you, Kenneth.

Luke Beggs at 12:00 PM

Major Applewhite sounds like the name of [kitten]ny Civil War officer.

Carlos Flores at 12:00 PM

He performed as such.

UprootedTexan at 12:00 PM

Holy [kitten] is that Kyle McNair on the field?

Carlos Flores at 12:01 PM

You’d better believe it, bucko.

UprootedTexan at 12:02 PM

I don’t expect good things to happen this season because ::gestures at 2020 generally:: but it feels weird that I feel better about this team now than I did seven days ago.

FIRST QUARTER:

(Jaguars first possession)

BigFatDrunk at 12:03 PM

I started Minshew.

UprootedTexan at 12:03 PM

I mustache you why.

l4blitzer at 12:03 PM

Lost the coin toss...RAC failed and Easterby will have him fired by Monday.

Carlos Flores at 12:05 PM

Less Hargreaves, more on the bad throw.

UprootedTexan at 12:05 PM

I would’ve laughed myself sick if Minshew ran for the first down there.

(Texans first possession)

Carlos Flores at 12:07 PM

Jacob Martin came screaming in, should have had that sack.

BigFatDrunk at 12:08 PM

Welp, here comes a moment of truth. Is our coaches learning?

UprootedTexan at 12:08 PM

#LetDeshaunCook

Matt Weston at 12:09 PM

Can we not copy a fanbase that copied the cult in College Station and come up with our own?

Carlos Flores at 12:09 PM

WOAH, VERTICAL OUT OF THE GATE?!

UprootedTexan at 12:09 PM

A VERTICAL OFFENSE!

l4blitzer at 12:09 PM

Radio guys questioning why Jacksonville abandoned the run on the opening drive...uh, ‘cause they are the Jags.

Matt Weston at 12:10 PM

[Kitten] Bill O’Brien!!!!!

Kenneth L. at 12:10 PM

ughhh i hate being so behind.

UprootedTexan at 12:10 PM

I believe the word you’re looking for is “refined” Matt, they refined what the yokels in College Station came up with into something better.

Carlos Flores at 12:10 PM

That screen was read from a mile away.

Vega at 12:10 PM

That’s kind of like a big [Kitten] You to O’Brien isn’t it

UprootedTexan at 12:10 PM

In a just world, yes.

BigFatDrunk at 12:10 PM

No Scharping.

Carlos Flores at 12:11 PM

We’re already punting lol

Vega at 12:11 PM

Yeah, my stream is behind a bit too.

Joe Critz at 12:11 PM

lets go cooks!

Matt Weston at 12:11 PM

I don’t think Joe Schobert could even tackle me

(Jaguars second possession)

BigFatDrunk at 12:12 PM

Well, that was short-lived excitement.

l4blitzer at 12:12 PM

At least we got a first down on the first drive...progress?

Kenneth L. at 12:13 PM

lmao

UprootedTexan at 12:13 PM

You can’t rush these things, you know.

Speaking of can’t rush things, here comes our defense.

UprootedTexan at 12:15 PM

Well [kitten].

l4blitzer at 12:15 PM

Uh, Dunn did something...kind of.

Joe Critz at 12:15 PM

i wonder if cooks’ leg issue that hindered him for the first few games is still a thing

l4blitzer at 12:16 PM

Welp, he did something else...again

UprootedTexan at 12:17 PM

Do you suppose if we lose to the Jags then Kyle will fire Esterby too?

Joe Critz at 12:17 PM

one can dream

l4blitzer at 12:17 PM

Nah, they will just fire each other simultaneously

Matt Weston at 12:18 PM

Undrafted James Robinson is better than David Johnson

[KITTEN], I was trying to be positive today

Joe Critz at 12:18 PM

literally

Carlos Flores at 12:18 PM

LOL

Matt Weston at 12:19 PM

I think the edibles are starting to kick in for Gardner Minshew

UprootedTexan at 12:19 PM

LOL

l4blitzer at 12:19 PM

At this point, the Jags should just keep running the ball...every single play

Carlos Flores at 12:19 PM

It looked like they might actually convert on that checkdown.

UprootedTexan at 12:19 PM

I swear it looked like the defense was TRYING to give them the first down.

(Texans second possession)

l4blitzer at 12:20 PM

Punting on 4th and 1.. guess they haven’t been watching the game films

Matt Weston at 12:20 PM

lol Taylor’s pass set was perfectly fine there. No one wants to admit Watt hasn’t been Watt yet.

[KITTEN]IT I did it again

UprootedTexan at 12:20 PM

What was that about edibles, now?

BigFatDrunk at 12:21 PM

Cards reminding us we got the 3rd best RB on their roster for Hopkins.

Carlos Flores at 12:21 PM

That’s saying something because Kenyan Drake has been fantasy poison so far this year.

UprootedTexan at 12:21 PM

And a second round pick! A second round pick which turned into...Brandin Cooks...

Joe Critz at 12:21 PM

kenyan drake has been kinda bad tho recently so

l4blitzer at 12:21 PM

Busting out the Crown Royal ads already...the advertisers know us so well

UprootedTexan at 12:22 PM

I unironically love they’re bringing back the Sunday Night Movie thing on CBS.

Matt Weston at 12:22 PM

Kenyan is good!! It’s their run blocking that sucks [kitten].

Joe Critz at 12:22 PM

i will NOT be drinking that today you cant make me commercials

UprootedTexan at 12:22 PM

I don’t know that I’ll be watching but it’s kind of cool in a way.

Joe Critz at 12:22 PM

yeah their run blocking is really bad but honestly kenyan looks a lot like he did in miami in 2017 and 2018

UprootedTexan at 12:23 PM

Liked the call, hated the execution.

Joe Critz at 12:23 PM

which is fine, but what that means is they’re not using him much better than adam gase was

Luke Beggs at 12:23 PM

Drake was better with Adam Gase and that’s painful to say

Matt Weston at 12:24 PM

holy [kitten] that papa Minshew fade away is so [kitten]ing funny

UprootedTexan at 12:24 PM

Remember kids, the only time a David Johnson CHUM works is if there’s literally nobody in the middle.

l4blitzer at 12:24 PM

Well, probably doesn’t hurt to actually run behind the highest paid tackle in the game

Matt Weston at 12:24 PM

Tim Kelly coaching for that UT offensive coordinator job today

UprootedTexan at 12:25 PM

He’ll get it when UT fires Tom Herman and hires BOB as HC.

::runs away laughing::

l4blitzer at 12:25 PM

Well, he can be the offensive coordinator there...for his once and future boss BO’B

(Ducks instantly)

Joe Critz at 12:25 PM

texans hiring bob is actually a legit possibility and thats scary haha

Carlos Flores at 12:25 PM

Hey, BOB:

[Ed. Note: If you want to see the actual image, click this link.]

Matt Weston at 12:25 PM

Timmy and Billy K-I-S-S-I-N-G

l4blitzer at 12:26 PM

Meme of the weekend

Carlos Flores at 12:26 PM

Nice throw to Stills.

UprootedTexan at 12:26 PM

That really was the best part of that game.

And good effort by him to get an extra couple yards there.

Carlos Flores at 12:27 PM

RAC is making Carlos Watkins do pushups.

Joe Critz at 12:27 PM

we already look better on 3rd down tho!

UprootedTexan at 12:27 PM

And second down...

l4blitzer at 12:27 PM

Gotta wonder why they didn’t cut away with the 7 sec delay on that one

UprootedTexan at 12:28 PM

I didn’t think TV had the same 7 second delay as radio does.

l4blitzer at 12:28 PM

Strange...we haven’t punted yet? I am listening to the Texans, right?

UprootedTexan at 12:29 PM

Watson, you beautiful [kitten].

Carlos Flores at 12:29 PM

Fulton accomplished nothing on that play. Good play by Watson.

l4blitzer at 12:29 PM

Probably figure the person behind the camera liked the view

Matt Weston at 12:29 PM

awwwww Watson finally did something cool

UprootedTexan at 12:30 PM

Re: Watson: Ibid.

Joe Critz at 12:30 PM

jaguars rush defense that got ruined by joe mixon looking amazing against david johnson isn’t a good sign

Carlos Flores at 12:31 PM

Dead play.

l4blitzer at 12:31 PM

Already, hearing a lot more enthusiasm from the limited home crowd than I did all last week (save the ejection)

SECOND QUARTER:

Joe Critz at 12:32 PM

we’re marching downfield!

david johnson might actually be getting worse week by week but that’s okay as long as we’re passing more

UprootedTexan at 12:34 PM

It’s a little weird to see a giant cult of personality size image of Bob McNair on the jumbotron there.

GO FOR IT YOU COWARDS!

Carlos Flores at 12:34 PM

A [kitten] screen.

l4blitzer at 12:35 PM

Was going to be BO’B, but after Monday...

Matt Weston at 12:35 PM

Houston is never going to run a slip screen well

(Ka’imi Fairbairn kicks a field goal to put the Texans on the board, leads 3-0)

Matt Weston at 12:35 PM

David Johnson has had exactly one good run this season

Joe Critz at 12:36 PM

and it’s taken me until recently to fully accept that he just sucks

that one run was all i needed to be put in a state of nirvana

(Jaguars third possession)

l4blitzer at 12:38 PM

Falcons up 7-3...I think they are totally safe with that lead...first win of the year assured

UprootedTexan at 12:39 PM

Nah, they need to be up by double digits before the win is assured. That’s how they’ve done it in the past.

Oooof, that pass.

This really is an ugly-[kitten] game so far.

Carlos Flores at 12:41 PM

Minshew runs like Keenum.

UprootedTexan at 12:41 PM

Minshew to Watson: Anything you can do I can do better...(not true)

l4blitzer at 12:42 PM

Jags: enough with the pass. Just run

UprootedTexan at 12:43 PM

Although if the passes are going to work too...

l4blitzer at 12:43 PM

Well, it is our defense we are talking about

Carlos Flores at 12:44 PM

Penalties are this defense’s best friend.

UprootedTexan at 12:44 PM

Glory to all penalty defense!

Joe Critz at 12:44 PM

this game is starting to get funny

the return of the funny games

i’m gonna lose my mind

l4blitzer at 12:44 PM

Penalties and overturned touchdowns...our defensive strategery

Joe Critz at 12:46 PM

roby was trying to launch robinson across the state on that one

Carlos Flores at 12:46 PM

Holding.

Roby got beat.

UprootedTexan at 12:46 PM

Live by the penalty, die by the penalty.

l4blitzer at 12:47 PM

Just another chance to get that first turnover

Carlos Flores at 12:47 PM

Bending, but not breaking. Yet.

UprootedTexan at 12:48 PM

Broked.

(Jaguars passing touchdown. Jags lead 7-3)

Matt Weston at 12:49 PM

stinky stinky minshew minshew

l4blitzer at 12:49 PM

Easterby now making calls for dealing players and firing coaches...

Joe Critz at 12:50 PM

minshew just dropping it in the bucket

Matt Weston at 12:51 PM

Yeah, this defense is even worse than I thought it would be, and I thought it was going to be like the 25th best defense in the league this year.

This team has a lot of holes because of O’Brien. It’s going to take a lot of work to fix the mistakes he’s made.

l4blitzer at 12:52 PM

You could make the argument that the Texans’ D is worse than Clemson’s and Georgia’s

(Texans third possession)

Luke Beggs at 12:53 PM

The real question is that in order to get assets you probably have to trade away from of those plays.

UprootedTexan at 12:53 PM

Yeah, I mean nobody reasonably thought that O’Brien’s firing would be a panacea, but still it was never going to get better as long as he remained in charge.

Luke Beggs at 12:53 PM

players*

Like honest question if you could get a second round pick for Zach Cunningham would you take it?

Joe Critz at 12:54 PM

actually maybe

UprootedTexan at 12:54 PM

I’d sure consider it. This is going to have to be a total rebuild after all.

Carlos Flores at 12:54 PM

If they packaged in a decent player, I’d think yes.

Joe Critz at 12:54 PM

yeah if you gave us like a bradley mcdougald id take it

(WATSON TO FELLS TD PASS! Texans lead 10-7)

Carlos Flores at 12:55 PM

TD FELLS!

Joe Critz at 12:55 PM

AAAAA

l4blitzer at 12:55 PM

BY GAWD, THAT’s FELLS’ MUSIC!!!

Joe Critz at 12:56 PM

te attack!

Matt Weston at 12:56 PM

The Jags have bad safeties, and one of their bad safeties is hurt

l4blitzer at 12:57 PM

Go figure. When we first brought in the BO’B, I really thought we’d a lot of explosive plays from the TE position. That past play just further reinforces how tough it could be watching BO’B offense at times

Luke Beggs at 12:57 PM

Fells be chugging yo

Also the hilarious thing about Cunningham is that after that contract I’m not sure how many teams would want to take on that contract.

(Jaguars fourth possession)

l4blitzer at 12:58 PM

Especially since we don’t have any attractive draft picks to send as sweeteners.

Luke Beggs at 12:59 PM

Which I would argue is true of the majority of the players on the Texans. How many of them would you as a other team want to spend draft picks on?

Like the time to trade Merc or BMac was like two years ago

l4blitzer at 1:00 PM

Radio guys: Tim Kelly showing emotion. Well, it is like a man whose been on a desert island for decades and he comes back to civilization. You can be happy, and we can have explosive plays

UprootedTexan at 1:00 PM

I think we’re going to learn over the next couple of years just how much damage Bill O’Brien truly did to this franchise.

BigFatDrunk at 1:01 PM

At least a decade, including the six plus years he was HC.

UprootedTexan at 1:01 PM

From calling plays to signing mediocre players to unmovable contracts.

Vega at 1:01 PM

Don’t forget the draft picks

l4blitzer at 1:02 PM

Two down territory for the Jags if they don’t go back 10 yards

UprootedTexan at 1:02 PM

Those too. If this were a house, they’d probably tear it down and rebuild a new house on top of the old foundation.

Luke Beggs at 1:03 PM

If any of you could trade Tunsil, would ya’ll?

UprootedTexan at 1:03 PM

Depends on what we got for him.

l4blitzer at 1:03 PM

We have about 2+ weeks until the trade deadline. Will be interesting to see what we do and what we can get at the deadline.

Luke Beggs at 1:03 PM

Nothing near what we sent for him

UprootedTexan at 1:04 PM

Or what was being offered for him I mean.

Luke Beggs at 1:04 PM

You could get a first.

Joe Critz at 1:04 PM

i wouldn’t trade tunsil

Luke Beggs at 1:04 PM

Maybe some secondary pieces.

Joe Critz at 1:04 PM

he’s still a top 5 tackle

Luke Beggs at 1:04 PM

As in pieces who aren’t that great but aren’t terrible

Carlos Flores at 1:04 PM

I’d stick to Tunsil unless it was a full refund.

l4blitzer at 1:04 PM

If it were BO’B, we could finagle a 3rd and maybe a 6th...plus we eat about 60 percent of the contract

UprootedTexan at 1:05 PM

I’m not sure, to be honest. I understand sunk cost fallacy is a thing but it’d have to be enough for me to think we could realistically rebuild without him.

Joe Critz at 1:05 PM

he wouldn’t be worth a trade unless we were getting two legit starters at positions of need and maybe a draft pick

Matt Weston at 1:05 PM

I wouldn’t trade two firsts and a second for Tunsil though

UprootedTexan at 1:05 PM

That should’ve been intentional grounding.

Joe Critz at 1:05 PM

neither would i haha

Luke Beggs at 1:06 PM

Yeah first and foremost you’re not trading Tunsil

No one is taking that contract.

Matt Weston at 1:06 PM

Laviska Shenault is if Cordarrelle Patterson was a worse a running back and a better wide receiver

l4blitzer at 1:06 PM

At this point, I fear that Anthony Weaver will go to the shotgun defense, in that he takes an actual shotgun and blasts away at offensive and defensive players

Carlos Flores at 1:07 PM

Whitney got thrown off screen.

UprootedTexan at 1:07 PM

Okay, here’s a different but related question: who on the team would be untouchable if you were the GM? I mean Watson and maybe Tunsil? Watt?

Joe Critz at 1:08 PM

watson and tunsil are it, honestly

UprootedTexan at 1:08 PM

At this point, I’d seriously consider trading Watt just as part of the larger rebuild process.

Carlos Flores at 1:08 PM

Watson, Tunsil, maybe Reid. Everyone else can go.

Luke Beggs at 1:08 PM

Watson, Tunsil, Watt and Reid.

Watt has got that organization clout.

l4blitzer at 1:08 PM

Given Watt’s age, I am not so sure he is untouchable. But if you move him, it needs to be quickly. It will hit the team’s PR department hard, but he might be the best asset we have

Matt Weston at 1:09 PM

I still like the idea of Watt as a 25 snap a game pure bullpen pass rusher, but he isn’t worth the current contract anymore

It would be hilarious if the new general manager, whoever it is, trades Tunsil for a first round pick

UprootedTexan at 1:10 PM

That’s kind of where I was going with that. I love Watt more than some members of my own family, but if this is going to be a rebuild, can someone at Watt’s age be a part of that future?

Luke Beggs at 1:10 PM

If they do that then I’ll laud that person as a genius.

Matt Weston at 1:10 PM

Luke Beggs at 1:10 PM

No one should be trading a first for that contract.

l4blitzer at 1:11 PM

I think that for any trades this season, we are going to have to eat a lot of salary. Need a cap wizard to figure out that mess

Luke Beggs at 1:11 PM

Oh no Watt shouldn’t be apart of this team.

But whose taking his contract?

Who wants JJ Watt at this point for anything meaningful?

UprootedTexan at 1:11 PM

It’s a shame we just fired our salary cap guru last week.

::kills self::

Luke Beggs at 1:11 PM

Like is JJ Watt worth getting a 5th round pick?

Probably not.

Especially if you’re redoing his contract in like 1-2 years.

l4blitzer at 1:12 PM

Ok, Weaver is holstering the shotgun for now.

(Jags hooked a field goal wide left. Texans still lead 10-7)

Matt Weston at 1:13 PM

COWARDS

Carlos Flores at 1:13 PM

LOL

UprootedTexan at 1:13 PM

LOL and it was Hauschka too.

Carlos Flores at 1:13 PM

That’s on brand for this game.

Matt Weston at 1:13 PM

I don’t think Watt’s current contract has any dead money attached to it though

l4blitzer at 1:13 PM

Jags gonna Jag..even against our Big 12 caliber defense

Carlos Flores at 1:14 PM

Interception. Ugly ball.

(Texans fourth possession)

(Watson throws interception. Jags ball)

(Jags fifth possession)

Matt Weston at 1:14 PM

Yeah that got tipped

BigFatDrunk at 1:14 PM

That was about as bad of luck you can have on a tip.

Matt Weston at 1:14 PM

lol Fuller got bodied on that pick

l4blitzer at 1:15 PM

[Weaver throws shotgun holster down...picks up AK-47]

Carlos Flores at 1:18 PM

I wonder how long the kick is now with the holding penalty.

49. He’s going to miss again.

Matt Weston at 1:18 PM

I like this Watt spin move. He hasn’t used it at all this year.

(Jags miss another field goal. Texans lead 10-7)

(Texans receive the ball to start second half)

Matt Weston at 1:19 PM

lmao

HALFTIME REACTIONS:

l4blitzer at 1:19 PM

GLORY TO ALL MISSED FIELD GOAL DEFENSE!!!

UprootedTexan at 1:19 PM

LMAO

Carlos Flores at 1:19 PM

Called it. That’s how dumb this game is.

Joe Critz at 1:19 PM

WOOO WE HAVE THE LEAD AT HALFTIME

UprootedTexan at 1:19 PM

Awwww, Alex Smith is under center now for Washington.

l4blitzer at 1:20 PM

Was at the game when Smith broke his leg. Good to see him back.

Joe Critz at 1:20 PM

offense isn’t good, but i guess it’s more watchable than it was last week

defense is just as bad

Luke Beggs at 1:20 PM

Alex Smith should be playing

Also the commentator in the game said the moment would be made sweeter by hearing the cheers of 80K fans.

BigFatDrunk at 1:21 PM

The offense has shown more sense of urgency in one half than it’s showed in the past couple of weeks. That, alone, is refreshing.

Luke Beggs at 1:21 PM

In Washington

Matt Weston at 1:22 PM

I like being a Houston Texans fan again

l4blitzer at 1:23 PM

Here I was thinking this game might be entertaining. Instead, this game is just like all other Texans/Jags football games. A game that only a mother of a player on either team could love. There is some life on the Texans O, but that D...que horrible.

Joe Critz at 1:25 PM

wonder what this team would look like if they legit blew everything up and traded everyone

and just tank

we’d probably have like 4 or 5 first round picks for next year

Matt Weston at 1:26 PM

There’s zero players they’d trade they could get a first for

Luke Beggs at 1:26 PM

^

BigFatDrunk at 1:26 PM

Maybe Watson. That’s it.

Joe Critz at 1:27 PM

they cold def get 2 first rounders for watson

Luke Beggs at 1:27 PM

For the record I think Tunsil and Watson are untouchable.

Joe Critz at 1:27 PM

at least 1 for tunsil

l4blitzer at 1:27 PM

Easterby could already be doing this. Especially if we drop this game, then Operation Red Wedding will be in full effect.

Luke Beggs at 1:27 PM

Those two are going nowhere.

Watson is literally your only selling point to any coach

UprootedTexan at 1:27 PM

What Is To Be Done?

Joe Critz at 1:28 PM

but maybe a top 5 pick from washington would be more enticing?

no probably not

im losing my mind

Luke Beggs at 1:28 PM

Yeah just remember you’re then in the point of trying to find another QB.

l4blitzer at 1:28 PM

I have a feeling even Lenin might say this organization is screwed.

Luke Beggs at 1:28 PM

I’ve seen that movie before.

Joe Critz at 1:29 PM

this team is just so broken i’m so tempted to consider just tearing down everything and starting from 0

BigFatDrunk at 1:29 PM

Y’all, Ruggs is kinda fast.

Luke Beggs at 1:29 PM

Yeah I just saw that BFD

This Raiders team is kinda fun

l4blitzer at 1:29 PM

However for Washington, Bruce Allen is no longer the GM, and even with Snyder, I can’t them doing that again

Luke Beggs at 1:31 PM

There’s a reason no one has traded a young talented QB in their prime before.

Joe Critz at 1:31 PM

there has to be one team that has done that

garrappolo haha

the wrongest right answer of all time

l4blitzer at 1:32 PM

Of course, the way that the 2020 Texans have operated, that could be construed as “Challenge Accepted”

THIRD QUARTER:

(Texans fifth possession)

Joe Critz at 1:33 PM

i’m just going full stupid today

BigFatDrunk at 1:33 PM

LOL! They are trying to bait Carter into a return.

l4blitzer at 1:33 PM

Nothing stupid by Carter, that’s progress

UprootedTexan at 1:33 PM

CHUM

Joe Critz at 1:33 PM

AAAAA

i’m going to melt

UprootedTexan at 1:34 PM

It’s worth noting that we haven’t seen nearly as many CHUMs this week as we have in the last few games.

Joe Critz at 1:34 PM

do you guys think anyone is willing to pick up david johnson in a trade at this point

l4blitzer at 1:35 PM

Radio: You are letting a bad team hang around in your building. Guess they are contractually obligated not to say how bad the home team is

Joe Critz at 1:35 PM

like even for a 6th rounder

UprootedTexan at 1:35 PM

The league was surprised WE were willing to trade for him, so I’m betting not.

l4blitzer at 1:35 PM

Oh, now the pitch play works

Joe Critz at 1:35 PM

never mind david johnson mvp parade

UprootedTexan at 1:36 PM

[Kitten] of a catch there.

Targeting!

Joe Critz at 1:37 PM

yikes

l4blitzer at 1:37 PM

Radio: not a fan of these targeting calls.

Another ejection and the crowd goes wild

UprootedTexan at 1:38 PM

Dude’s sure taking his sweet time getting off the field.

l4blitzer at 1:39 PM

Another CHUM to nowhere

Carlos Flores at 1:39 PM

Just overthrew DJ.

UprootedTexan at 1:39 PM

GO FOR IT YOU COWARDS.

Joe Critz at 1:39 PM

is bill o’brien still in the headset for deshaun or something

(Ka’imi Fairbairn kicks a 33-yard field goal, Texans lead 13-7)

Carlos Flores at 1:40 PM

He’s hacked his way in.

Joe Critz at 1:40 PM

watson missed that throw but i’m blaming o’brien

l4blitzer at 1:40 PM

Watson hurting after that shot? Uh oh.

Joe Critz at 1:40 PM

he must’ve been babbling about dst players in the headset

or tsd

or std

whatever acronym they ended up putting on their shirt

UprootedTexan at 1:41 PM

Don’t worry Joe, you’ll get the right combination eventually.

Carlos Flores at 1:41 PM

This Deshaun Watson AWS commercial is awesome.

Joe Critz at 1:41 PM

they used like all possible combinations themselves in the past 4 months

i forget what it even means at this point

I think the S is strength and the D is dependency, but i forget what the T is for

(Jaguars sixth possession)

UprootedTexan at 1:42 PM

“Transmitted”

Carlos Flores at 1:42 PM

Tough, Smart, Dependable.

Joe Critz at 1:42 PM

ohhh yeah that’s it

i just wanna hear a soundbite of o’brien saying std to his players

l4blitzer at 1:43 PM

“That did not go well” Radio commentators with the mantra for the 2020 Texans

Carlos Flores at 1:44 PM

Merc with a sack.

UprootedTexan at 1:44 PM

Mercilus with his one thing of the game.

l4blitzer at 1:44 PM

Adams murdering the Jags. Nice

UprootedTexan at 1:45 PM

Thank [Durga] that was 3rd and 19 or that would’ve been a first down.

l4blitzer at 1:45 PM

Two more yards and the Jags convert the 4th down

(Texans sixth possession)

Joe Critz at 1:47 PM

lets go passing offense!

PLEASE

Matt Weston at 1:48 PM

Hopefully O’Brien gets a HC job somewhere and Houston can trade David Johnson and Brandin Cooks for a seventh round pick

Joe Critz at 1:49 PM

such a strange year

it would only make sense if he gets hired by another team before we’re out of the woods

nice throw and catch

UprootedTexan at 1:49 PM

I think if any team does hire him their ownership would give enough of a [kitten] about the team that they wouldn’t let BOB anywhere NEAR making personnel decisions.

l4blitzer at 1:50 PM

The University of Texas doesn’t use draft picks.

UprootedTexan at 1:50 PM

Watson looking a little gimpy there.

Joe Critz at 1:50 PM

oh no

l4blitzer at 1:51 PM

Fulton helping out...

(Watson throws interception, Jags ball)

(Jaguars seventh possession)

UprootedTexan at 1:52 PM

Oh...my...[Durga]...

Carlos Flores at 1:52 PM

I’m stuck in the banyo with the runs, what happened?

Carlos Flores at 1:53 PM

[Kitten].

l4blitzer at 1:53 PM

Watson pressing for the big play. Burned badly

Joe Critz at 1:53 PM

UprootedTexan at 1:53 PM

It was a bad luck pick, bounced off the receiver’s hands and landed in the hands of the defender.

Joe Critz at 1:54 PM

pain

l4blitzer at 1:54 PM

Radio didn’t convey the deflection

UprootedTexan at 1:54 PM

It was like he was setting up a spike in volleyball.

Joe Critz at 1:56 PM

carson wentz just threw is weekly terrible interception

UprootedTexan at 1:57 PM

Texans got a stop on fourth down!

BigFatDrunk at 1:57 PM

The Jags went full Colts on that 4th down. You never go full Colts.

Matt Weston at 1:57 PM

hahahahha holy [kitten]

Joe Critz at 1:57 PM

YOOO

Matt Weston at 1:57 PM

I love the Jaguars

Yeah, BFD, that was some real Frank Reich [kitten]

l4blitzer at 1:57 PM

TURNOVER, TURNOVER, TURNOVER!!! We have a turnover.

(Turnover on downs, Texans ball)

(Texans seventh possession)

Joe Critz at 1:57 PM

way to step up, defense!

UprootedTexan at 2:00 PM

Okay, DJ just had his one good run of the quarter, passes the rest of the third now please.

Or you could just get another false start.

Joe Critz at 2:00 PM

hahahaha

those two messages together just made me laugh

perfect like synopsis for this game

l4blitzer at 2:01 PM

Once again, this team can’t handle success

UprootedTexan at 2:01 PM

I don’t know that I’d throw around the s-word in regards to this game.

Joe Critz at 2:02 PM

it’s like we’re negotiating with a maniac

Matt Weston at 2:02 PM

It took 43 minutes for Tim Kelly to run the ball off tackle. He’s a nut hanging in O’Brien’s sack.

FOURTH QUARTER:

l4blitzer at 2:02 PM

Well, this is relative to this team. DJ with a good run (I.e more than two yards) = success for 2020 Texans

UprootedTexan at 2:02 PM

But at least he calls downfield throws.

Joe Critz at 2:02 PM

the dreaded o’brien nut

Carlos Flores at 2:02 PM

Oh [Durga].

UprootedTexan at 2:03 PM

Fair enough.

And Matt, I’ll never forgive you for that image that’s burned into my brain now.

l4blitzer at 2:03 PM

My advice to you is to start drinking heavily

Nice to see a second half offense that isn’t about forcing the run at the expense of tempo and yards

Joe Critz at 2:05 PM

its exciting!

we’re doing stuff downfield!

UprootedTexan at 2:06 PM

Well yeah, if BOB were still here, we’d be running every play from the start of the half trying to kill the clock.

That’s progress.

Joe Critz at 2:07 PM

i can’t believe o’brien was fired still

what an amazing turn of events

UprootedTexan at 2:07 PM

I really didn’t think Cal gave enough of a [kitten] to do it.

(Watson to Fuller touchdown! Texans lead 20-7)

Carlos Flores at 2:07 PM

Fuller touchdown!

l4blitzer at 2:08 PM

Using Duke Johnson as a receiver out of the backfield...novel concept

Joe Critz at 2:08 PM

LETS GOOOO

THE GLASS IS HALF FULLER

UprootedTexan at 2:08 PM

Wow, I’m amazed he didn’t get touched there somehow.

l4blitzer at 2:09 PM

BO’B (as he is updating his resume for the job in Austin) “Oh, now Fuller hangs on to the 4th quarter TD.”

BigFatDrunk at 2:09 PM

BOB TO UT JOKES ARE NOT FUNNY.

UprootedTexan at 2:09 PM

Then why am I laughing?

l4blitzer at 2:10 PM

Perhaps, but the response to them is hilarious!

Radio: just mentions “complementary football”. Had a bad flashback there

(Jaguars eighth possession)

Matt Weston at 2:12 PM

The good thing about the Texans bad run defense is the games are quick.

l4blitzer at 2:12 PM

This game has been moving a good clip

2 down territory here for Jags?

UprootedTexan at 2:14 PM

They’re postponing the Pats/Broncos game, it’s not being played Monday night.

l4blitzer at 2:14 PM

Never mind

Carlos Flores at 2:15 PM

Terrible coverage. Eric [kitten]ing Murray.

l4blitzer at 2:16 PM

Radio guys roasting Murray

UprootedTexan at 2:16 PM

For good reason.

l4blitzer at 2:16 PM

No argument here

BigFatDrunk at 2:17 PM

This play calling by JAX is horrible.

UprootedTexan at 2:18 PM

That’s the one defensive play you’ve made all game Hargreaves and you didn’t get penalized for it somehow, I don’t think that’s worth getting high fived about.

Carlos Flores at 2:18 PM

4th and Goal?!

Joe Critz at 2:18 PM

yeah i’m not sure what happened with jay gruden’s playcalling this game

Carlos Flores at 2:18 PM

This shouldn’t surprise me at all.

(Jaguars passing touchdown, Texans lead 20-14)

Joe Critz at 2:18 PM

okay well

l4blitzer at 2:19 PM

Was surprised they didn’t try to run at all, but against our D, if you get 4 shots, you will probably hit on one of them

I see another Atlanta lead disappear in the 4th quarter. I sense a trend here...

(Texans eighth possession)

UprootedTexan at 2:22 PM

Hot [kitten] that was pretty!

Joe Critz at 2:23 PM

the playcalling is getting spicyyyy

Matt Weston at 2:24 PM

[Durga] I hate Bill O’Brien

UprootedTexan at 2:24 PM

If BOB’s offense was mayo, Tim Kelly’s appears to be French’s mustard.

BigFatDrunk at 2:24 PM

Watson picked up on that blitz.

Joe Critz at 2:24 PM

cooks is officially here

UprootedTexan at 2:24 PM

#LetBrandinCooks

Matt Weston at 2:25 PM

Mayonnaise with avocado oil

BigFatDrunk at 2:25 PM

DeShAuN wAtSoN iS nOt SmArT eNoUgH tO rUn BoB’s OfFeNsE.

Matt Weston at 2:25 PM

That’s fine. I’ll allow LetBrandinCooks

l4blitzer at 2:25 PM

Kelly not forcing the game, but calling the plays that work...fascinating

(Ka’imi Fairbairn kicks a 44-yard field goal. Texans lead 23-14)

Joe Critz at 2:26 PM

that’s okay

i am absolutely okay with the field goal

BigFatDrunk at 2:26 PM

Is that our season high now?

Joe Critz at 2:26 PM

oh wow is it

UprootedTexan at 2:27 PM

Still need another 11 points

Our season high is 34 against the Chiefs on opening night.

Joe Critz at 2:27 PM

ohhh yeah

BigFatDrunk at 2:27 PM

/scratches head at UT

l4blitzer at 2:27 PM

Massive improvement from Kelly on O...

(Jaguars eighth possession)

BigFatDrunk at 2:27 PM

This is a pretty [kitten]ny D, though. Five backups playing now.

UprootedTexan at 2:28 PM

Crap, I read that score wrong. Yep, this is our season high now.

Joe Critz at 2:28 PM

oh ya i see

we scored 20 against kc

UprootedTexan at 2:29 PM

Our highest before was 21 against the Steelers.

Joe Critz at 2:29 PM

wow 23 is tied for our season high

we also scored 23 last week

that’s impressive

UprootedTexan at 2:29 PM

You know what? I’m gonna stop typing now.

Joe Critz at 2:29 PM

hahaha

ur good

that 2017 era offense is GONE

l4blitzer at 2:30 PM

I would say keep everything on front of you, but, Murray, so here we go.

UprootedTexan at 2:31 PM

He had a foot on the sideline, so technically he’s ineligible to catch it, right?

Ordinarily I’d say “no, Bill, keep the challenge flag in your pants,” but today is a new day.

Joe Critz at 2:32 PM

WHIP IT OUT TIM

UprootedTexan at 2:34 PM

Call stands. Boo, nerds.

l4blitzer at 2:34 PM

Well, nice to see some things never change.

Matt Weston at 2:34 PM

BIG PLAY P.J. HALL

BigFatDrunk at 2:35 PM

Love this Shenault kid.

We are blitzing a ton right now.

(Jacob Martin strip sack leads to Mercilus recovering the fumble. Mercilus loses the fumble. Texans recover anyway. Texans ball!)

Joe Critz at 2:37 PM

as long as it works!

UprootedTexan at 2:37 PM

LOLOLOL, TEXANS BALL!

l4blitzer at 2:37 PM

Wow, a penalty not on us. We may have fortune on our side.

Joe Critz at 2:38 PM

woooo

BigFatDrunk at 2:38 PM

JJ Watt is having a tremendous game, especially when lining up as a tackle.

Hey, Big Matt, haven’t two superhandsome podcasters been calling for that for like three years now?

(Texans ninth possession)

l4blitzer at 2:38 PM

Another turnover??? You...you can do this???

Matt Weston at 2:39 PM

I haven’t seen much from J.J. but they moved him over Norwell earlier

l4blitzer at 2:39 PM

My head is hurting at this turn in events.

Matt Weston at 2:39 PM

I do admire how hard Jacob Martin plays every snap

Joe Critz at 2:39 PM

jacob martin pro bowl year

Matt Weston at 2:39 PM

lmao cut that out

Joe Critz at 2:39 PM

hahaha

UprootedTexan at 2:39 PM

Somewhere in Canada, Jordan just got an erection and has no idea why.

l4blitzer at 2:39 PM

There is no escape from the CHUM

Carlos Flores at 2:39 PM

It’s GOAT SZN.

Matt Weston at 2:40 PM

I think he knows why

Peak Jacob Martin is having a strip sack chasing Gardner Minshew from behind on a pocket climb

BigFatDrunk at 2:40 PM

Oh Romeo. <3<3<3

Carlos Flores at 2:41 PM

A 4th down touchdown. Beautiful.

UprootedTexan at 2:41 PM

SEE!?!?! Good things happen when you go for it on fourth down!

BigFatDrunk at 2:41 PM

SEE, HERMAN, BEING AGGRESSIVE IS A GOOD THING.

Joe Critz at 2:41 PM

AAAAA

Matt Weston at 2:41 PM

lmao [KITTEN] BILL O’BRIEN

(Watson to Cooks touchdown pass! Texans lead 30-14)

UprootedTexan at 2:41 PM

#LetBrandinCooks

Joe Critz at 2:42 PM

COOKS IS HERE

i’m so happy cooks is finally becoming a legit weapon

i hate bob so much

l4blitzer at 2:42 PM

WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!?! Converting on 4th downs in field goal range? You would think we are under different management or something?

Joe Critz at 2:43 PM

we’re gonna win a game!

(Jaguars tenth possession)

BigFatDrunk at 2:45 PM

Lonnie Johnson getting snaps.

Carlos Flores at 2:46 PM

J.J. Swatt made an appearance.

l4blitzer at 2:46 PM

16 point lead...figured that Johnson/Murray can’t lose it on one bad play.

UprootedTexan at 2:46 PM

Haven’t seen a J.J. Swatt in a long time.

TWO MINUTE WARNING:

l4blitzer at 2:49 PM

There is still time, and it is the 2020 Texans, but we have only given up 75 yards rushing for the game.

Joe Critz at 2:50 PM

they put a cap on robinson somehow

l4blitzer at 2:51 PM

Unofficially, we have given up 0 yards rushing for the 4th quarter.

Helps having a lead for this defense

(Turnover on downs, Texans ball)

(Texans tenth possession)

Carlos Flores at 2:53 PM

That’s game.

UprootedTexan at 2:53 PM

Holy crap, David Johnson refused to go down there.

Joe Critz at 2:54 PM

wooooo!!!!

the texans are gonna win!!!

l4blitzer at 2:55 PM

Did DJ find a power-up mushroom on the sideline or something?

“Looked like a circular centipede” phrase of the game for the radio guys on that first down run

Joe Critz at 2:56 PM

what a phrase haha

FINAL SCORE: TEXANS 30 - JAGUARS 14.

UprootedTexan at 2:58 PM

Gentlemen, we are officially no longer unwinfeated!

l4blitzer at 2:58 PM

I think this is first win for an interim coach in Texans’ history.

Joe Critz at 2:58 PM

good things are happening!

l4blitzer at 2:58 PM

Miami may yet have to earn the #1 pick in the 2021 draft the hard way.

Matt Weston at 3:06 PM

[Durga] Bless Romeo Crennel

GAME BALLS:

Hey, I’m feeling generous. Let’s give out some game balls.

Offense - Take a freakin’ bow, Brandin Cooks. He caught eight passes for 161 yards and a touchdown in today’s game. Glad he’s finally getting incorporated into the offense.

Defense - Jacob Martin deserves a lot of credit for getting the strip sack; it pretty much ended any chance Jacksonville had of winning that game.

Special Teams - Eh, Ka’imi Fairbairn didn’t miss anything, so I guess that qualifies him for a game ball.

So what do y’all have to say? Is a full overhaul of the team needed to get back to being competitive or can the Texans bounce back from the Bill O’Brien era relatively quickly? Or are you just happy he’s not the coach anymore? Let us have it in the comments section!