Hair of the Dog: The Right Thing To Do Edition (Texans/BESFs)

Well there’s not much else you can say about the Houston Texans other than they sure know how to make games interesting. They can’t defend if their lives depended on it but they still know how to keep you in your seat until the very end, when it all turns to pain.

That said, there’s been one play in the game that has created a lot of arguments among Texans fans, or at the very least on Texans Twitter: going for two at the end of the game when the Texans were up by seven points.

It was, unequivocally, the right call to make. You can point to all the math and statistical models you want to refute this but it was still the right call in that moment.

Why?

Well, let’s say for argument’s sake that the Texans did go for the extra point, and play mathematically correct football, and, more to the point, the kind of football that Rich Gannon thinks is extremely mansome and right. That would’ve put the Texans up by eight instead of seven. It’s a pretty good lead but by no means insurmountable.

Now let’s say that the BESFs drive goes unchanged and they pants the defense all the way down the field just like what happened in our reality. The touchdown would put the BESFs down two and needing a two point conversion just to tie.

The defense, which had just gotten embarrassed for not the first time, gave up 601 yards of total offense which is the new franchise record for most offensive yards surrendered. Do you think that the aforementioned defense was going to stop whatever play the BESFs had in mind? The defense, gassed and generally unable to cope with the BESFs offense, wouldn’t have stopped Derrick Henry from bowling over them for the conversion.

Then you wind up with overtime anyway and...well...you saw how that played out.

However, if in a different reality the pass to Cobb wasn’t deflected by an errant hand, the Texans would have been up by nine points, with less than two minutes to go, requiring the BESFs to make two scores and successfully pull off an onside kick to accomplish; in essence it would’ve been an insurmountable lead.

It was the right thing to do. It was just a hand away from succeeding.

So what now? The Texans are 1-5 which pretty much means the season is over. Short of winning out from here, the odds of chasing down the last playoff spot is minimal at best; and with the defense the Texans have, the task would be nothing short of herculean. Now we look at what can be done to improve the future of the team. Are there players that can be jettisoned for decent draft picks or any draft picks at all? Do we trust Jack Easterby with these decisions? I know I don’t.

But there is a bit of a bright spot to all this: Tim Kelly sure seems to know how to make the most of what the Texans have on offense. This offense can be fun as [kitten] to watch and the longer the season goes on, the clearer it becomes that Bill O’Brien was the one guy holding back the full potential of this offense. Is Tim Kelly going to stick around to be the offensive coordinator under whatever new regime replaces O’Brien’s? Probably not, but he could make a case for himself the rest of the season if this game is any indication.

Anyway, let’s move on to this week’s dog.

As always, in finest Hair of the Dog tradition, all swear words have been replaced with the word [kitten] to make this safe to read at work. Assuming any of y’all still read this, that is.

Enjoy!

Also, the Astros did nothing wrong.

PREGAME DISCUSSION

UprootedTexan at 10:01 AM

The Astros did nothing wrong.

Matt Weston at 10:01 AM

It’s cool neither the Astros or the Rangers will ever win a World Series in that air conditioned nightmare

Luke Beggs at 11:23 AM

Are ya’ll going to be banging that drum all day?

Carlos Flores at 11:23 AM

*trash can.

Luke Beggs at 11:24 AM

Also: CBSSports.com

Will Texans trade off key pieces ahead of deadline?

BURN IT ALL TO THE GROUND

Carlos Flores at 11:25 AM

We’re going to receive a half eaten ham sandwich and some used napkins, aren’t we?

Luke Beggs at 11:26 AM

What’s not mentioned is who those GM’s will be dealing with

Matt Weston at 11:43 AM

Trade Laremy Tunsil for a first and third round pick!!!

Luke Beggs at 11:54 AM

whats tunsils dead cap number?

Carlos Flores at 11:55 AM

40 mil for this year.

Luke Beggs at 11:55 AM

Yeeeeah

Probably not dealing him then

Carlos Flores at 11:56 AM

Next year is 25 mil, then in 2022 it’s 6.5 mil

Matt Weston at 11:58 AM

I still want it!

Luke Beggs at 11:58 AM

Yeah Zach Cunningham’s number is in the 20’s and then late teens for 3-4

UprootedTexan at 11:58 AM

The Astros did nothing wrong. And yes, Luke, I am.

BigFatDrunk at 11:58 AM

I’ve got a drum you can bang, Luke.

Joe Critz at 11:59 AM

i’m ready to die!

Luke Beggs at 11:59 AM

Merc is also on 20 mil dead cap hit so chances are he’s not going either

[Kitten]

UprootedTexan at 11:59 AM

And we’ll probably have to include a draft pick to get rid of Hargreaves.

Matt Weston at 11:59 AM

lmao they can’t trade anyone

Luke Beggs at 12:00 PM

Hargreaves we can straight up release

BigFatDrunk at 12:00 PM

Almost nobody aside from Watson has trade value.

UprootedTexan at 12:01 PM

Tennessee PA Announcer: Let’s give it up for your favorite incest deities!!!!

::lights flashing::

BigFatDrunk at 12:01 PM

I love all the [kitten]hurt BE-SF fans getting all upset at us. LOL@all of you. Also, too, eat it.

Luke Beggs at 12:02 PM

Brandin Cooks

UprootedTexan at 12:02 PM

Looks like we won the toss.

FIRST QUARTER

(BESFs first possession)

Luke Beggs at 12:02 PM

0 dead cap after this year

and tbh I’d eat the cost this year

Matt Weston at 12:03 PM

J.J. Watt

Will Fuller

BigFatDrunk at 12:03 PM

I’m more than happy to spend failson’s money.

Matt Weston at 12:03 PM

Kenny Stills

Luke Beggs at 12:03 PM

10 mil dead cap on Fuller

but yeah I’d trade him

Matt Weston at 12:03 PM

Duke Johnson

UprootedTexan at 12:03 PM

Awwwww, the only good play this defense will have all day is negated by a false start.

Matt Weston at 12:03 PM

Yeah, but Fuller’s is gone after this season.

Luke Beggs at 12:04 PM

[Kitten] after we get past this year we can yeet Nick Martin into the sun

Or Tennessee

Matt Weston at 12:04 PM

Cal McNair is a beautiful man, and I’ll never say anything bad about him after firing Bill O’Brien

Luke Beggs at 12:04 PM

BMAC might be the best case scenario

Matt Weston at 12:04 PM

Justin Reid lurching on Jonnu Smith out of quarters is bad[kitten]

BigFatDrunk at 12:05 PM

Heckuva play.

UprootedTexan at 12:05 PM

There are pieces to trade, we just won’t get much in terms of draft picks for them, at least nothing high. But that’s not so bad as long as we get a lot of them.

Joe Critz at 12:05 PM

jonnu smith is scary

BigFatDrunk at 12:05 PM

Oh, we could trade Reid! /ducks

Luke Beggs at 12:05 PM

I mean yeah I can get behind that.

UprootedTexan at 12:05 PM

I’d rather not. He’s like the Altuve of the team. Or would that be Watson?

Altuve in the sense that he’d be the only talented piece on a really untalented team.

Luke Beggs at 12:06 PM

Like if you can get multiple picks for him that’s not bad.

UprootedTexan at 12:06 PM

Also, the Astros did nothing wrong.

Carlos Flores at 12:06 PM

Look, we can get rid of Cullen Gillaspia with just a 77k cap hit. That’s like what a banana costs, right?

(Texans first possession)

And we have room in the banana stand for that.

Carlos Flores at 12:06 PM

Obligatory “THERE’S ALWAYS MONEY IN THE BANANA STAND”

UprootedTexan at 12:06 PM

::has never seen Arrested Development::

Carlos Flores at 12:07 PM

You’ve done yourself a disservice.

Luke Beggs at 12:07 PM

Yeah it’s good

Carlos Flores at 12:07 PM

There’s Simmons showing out.

Luke Beggs at 12:08 PM

I love these tweets. I can honestly not tell what slant or emotion is behind them or if he’s just tweeting into the void

Carlos Flores at 12:08 PM

Wow, Will Fuller actually looked fast on that cross.

UprootedTexan at 12:08 PM

I’d like to keep Fuller too, even though I don’t think he’s really earned it.

Joe Critz at 12:08 PM

its hard to give up that speed

Carlos Flores at 12:09 PM

I’d like to imagine that Wilson feels resigned to just report the facts.

UprootedTexan at 12:10 PM

You know, for a fanbase that hates us so much, they sure seem happy to take our leftovers.

Rather an...incestuous relationship they have, one might say.

Joe Critz at 12:10 PM

ew haha

(BESFs second possession)

Joe Critz at 12:11 PM

the defensive game we’ve all been waiting for

BigFatDrunk at 12:11 PM

When all is said and done, BOB will have done 11 to 13 years of damage to the Houston Texans. AND PEOPLE STILL DEFEND HIM OMG.

UprootedTexan at 12:12 PM

He just needed the right players in his system, BFD. He never had a chance to get his system to really flourish.

I feel dirty typing that even sarcastically.

Joe Critz at 12:13 PM

imagine what this team would look like if he got to fully realize his vision

like full matt patricia style

Carlos Flores at 12:13 PM

Here comes the pain train.

BigFatDrunk at 12:13 PM

Gash time.

Matt Weston at 12:13 PM

I really think O’Brien didn’t get a fair shot at it. He needed at least one more year.

UprootedTexan at 12:14 PM

This Derrick Henry guy is going to be a problem.

Just a feeling.

Joe Critz at 12:14 PM

at least he wasn’t as bad as patricia

Joe Critz at 12:14 PM

that’s one thing we’ll always have

UprootedTexan at 12:14 PM

Matt Patricia wasn’t given GM powers and traded away all the Lions’ best players as coach, though.

BigFatDrunk at 12:14 PM

Batson as the puller on a pitch is...interesting.

Joe Critz at 12:15 PM

good point

Carlos Flores at 12:15 PM

Defensive holding?

UprootedTexan at 12:15 PM

PI, probably.

Carlos Flores at 12:15 PM

Freaking Lonnie.

BigFatDrunk at 12:15 PM

Lonnie Johnson is still terribad.

Matt Weston at 12:16 PM

J.J. Watt not being able to beat Dennis Kelly to the point of attack is a bad sign. Also, Anthony Weaver has to stop using Jacob Martin as an interior rusher. It’s embarrassing.

Carlos Flores at 12:17 PM

Andre 2.0 moving the chains.

UprootedTexan at 12:18 PM

Andre Johnson did not beat the F out of Innegan just to be compared to a BESFs receiver, and I’ll have you respect that by [Durga].

BigFatDrunk at 12:18 PM

Watt on the LT for a change. Quick pass, but Lewan was winning.

Carlos Flores at 12:18 PM

Don’t blame me, blame large Matthew.

(BESFs touchdown. BESFs lead 7-0)

Joe Critz at 12:19 PM

ughhhh

Matt Weston at 12:19 PM

Hell yeah, Mike Vrabel has his [kitten]ing sleeves rolled up, let’s [kitten]ing GOOOO

BigFatDrunk at 12:19 PM

Too [kitten] easy.

Carlos Flores at 12:19 PM

TE’s have a free pass against us.

UprootedTexan at 12:19 PM

Way too easy. And this is why we need to trade almost everybody that has value.

Carlos Flores at 12:20 PM

Tyrell Adams looks lost.

UprootedTexan at 12:20 PM

Also, the Astros did nothing wrong.

Joe Critz at 12:20 PM

at least they haven’t gone henry crazy yet

which henry hasn’t looked very good this year, so far

Matt Weston at 12:20 PM

Tennessee’s redzone offense is a sign that the DEVIL exists

UprootedTexan at 12:21 PM

Someone carved Bill Belichick’s face into a pumpkin at the Pats/Broncos game and I swear to [Durga] he looks like Mao Tze-Tung.

Matt Weston at 12:22 PM

[Durga] I love Arthur Smith. I don’t want him to get a head coaching job though. He’s perfect in Tennessee. I want him to hang out with Mike Vrabel forever.

Joe Critz at 12:22 PM

mike vrabel looks like a fan fiction monsters inc character

UprootedTexan at 12:22 PM

You wouldn’t even want him as HC here, Matt?

(Texans second possession)

Carlos Flores at 12:23 PM

David Johnson wiggled his way to that 7-yard gain.

Joe Critz at 12:24 PM

ill take that kinda chum

Carlos Flores at 12:24 PM

I completely forgot that Jadeveon Clowney is playing.

Damnit fells.

UprootedTexan at 12:25 PM

That had pick written all over it.

(BESFs third possession)

Joe Critz at 12:26 PM

yuck

I don’t like that their defense is good now

You’re only allowed to be really good on one side of the ball

Carlos Flores at 12:27 PM

If Fells or Akins goes down, does Jon Weeks get time at TE before Kahale?

Joe Critz at 12:27 PM

we have that pharaoh brown guy that played a bit last week too haha

Matt Weston at 12:28 PM

Kahale is too hot to get bruised playing football

Carlos Flores at 12:28 PM

I forgot about Brown.

UprootedTexan at 12:28 PM

At this point, I expect they’d put Fairbairn in at TE before Waring.

Carlos Flores at 12:28 PM

Oh nelly, there goes Henry.

Joe Critz at 12:28 PM

oh nooooo

i dont want this game to be his game

let him just average 3 yards a carry for one more week

Matt Weston at 12:29 PM

lmao Derrick Henry turned Vernon Hargreaves III into a moshpit

UprootedTexan at 12:29 PM

He’s a [kitten] steamroller, a steamroller who heard we questioned the sexual proclivities of his mother.

Matt Weston at 12:29 PM

Tyrell Adams sucks by the way

Carlos Flores at 12:31 PM

Also, has anyone ever been to Nashville? I have. IT BLOWS. I contemplated Bane’ing Nissan Stadium.

Oh wow, PJ Hall actually made a play.

instead of an almost play.

UprootedTexan at 12:32 PM

I was there back in 2007, it was okay. Didn’t get a lot of time to explore because I was busy writing my master’s thesis though.

BigFatDrunk at 12:32 PM

Big Matt has a condo there.

UprootedTexan at 12:32 PM

The food was pretty good.

Carlos Flores at 12:34 PM

I went on a business trip. My clients all wanted to go to Coyote Ugly and Margaritaville because they’re all blue collar oil dudes. It was a nightmare. One tore his hamstring crossing the street and the other terrorized the Gaylord resort.

BigFatDrunk at 12:34 PM

I almost picked up Humphries this week.

(BESFs touchdown, BESFs lead 14-0)

Matt Weston at 12:34 PM

I’m a Memphis MAN

I’ve been dying to go back to the Smoky Mountains and backpack in the winter and die of the cold

Joe Critz at 12:35 PM

what is that monster that lives in like the tennessee/kentucky mountains

or maybe it’s west virginia

UprootedTexan at 12:35 PM

That list of places you want to die of hypothermia at is growing pretty long Matt.

The Mothman?

Joe Critz at 12:36 PM

hahaha

no ryan tannehill

Matt Weston at 12:36 PM

[Durga] [KITTEN] the Titans redzone offense is absurd

(Texans third possession)

Carlos Flores at 12:36 PM

I like Ryan Tanner-ill. It’s a sick name.

Kenneth L. at 12:36 PM

This sucks

Joe Critz at 12:36 PM

mothman is in west virginia though

Kenneth L. at 12:37 PM

Our defense is bad

If that wasn’t obvious

SECOND QUARTER

Joe Critz at 12:37 PM

hi cobb!

Carlos Flores at 12:37 PM

Worse than usual. I’m just surprised that they’re not trying to run the ball every down. They’re exposing the terrible pass defense we knew we had.

Joe Critz at 12:38 PM

me too haha

UprootedTexan at 12:38 PM

To be...well, fair’s not the right word but they are facing Derrick Henry who makes even good defenses look bad.

Matt Weston at 12:40 PM

David Johnson is the rat in this Cobb salad

BigFatDrunk at 12:41 PM

LOL@Daniel Fells trying to block.

UprootedTexan at 12:42 PM

Someone here is having a conniption fit about one of the games on and I’ll be [kitten]ed if I can figure it out.

I mean he’s like Andrew Dice Clay swearing and I can’t puzzle out why.

Matt Weston at 12:43 PM

Them resigning Darren Fells, after proving all 2019 he can’t block, and trying to make the drag-flat RPO the staple of this offense is one of the million stupid [kitten]ing things from the Bill O’Brien

UprootedTexan at 12:44 PM

The Bill O’Brien Experience: Every Single Thing You Did Was Wrong.

Joe Critz at 12:44 PM

maybe he’s just funny yknow

maybe he’s just a funny old man

UprootedTexan at 12:44 PM

Red zone? Red zone. RED ZONE!

::Watson passes to Cobb who throws it at Fuller and misses::

I’ll take “plays BOB would never have tried” for 200, Alex.

Carlos Flores at 12:45 PM

LOL Brown thought he was going to muscle his way in there.

Matt Weston at 12:45 PM

lmao that definitely came from O’Brien’s playbook.

Kenneth L. at 12:46 PM

Wow did we use a pull on that run? Omg how creative

Carlos Flores at 12:47 PM

CHUM was read from a mile away. Kill me.

UprootedTexan at 12:47 PM

GO FOR IT YOU PANSIES!

Carlos Flores at 12:47 PM

They have to go for it.

(Watson to Fells touchdown on fourth and goal! BESFs lead 14-6 with the extra point to come)

Carlos Flores at 12:47 PM

WOW, TD Fells!

Matt Weston at 12:48 PM

lol don’t run it at Jeffery Simmons

Matt Weston at 12:49 PM

Run every play out of the shotgun

Kenneth L. at 12:49 PM

Wow Denver is up on New England

(Extra point is good, BESFs lead 14-7)

Luke Beggs at 12:49 PM

All he do is catch TD’s

Joe Critz at 12:49 PM

lets go babyyyyy

Carlos Flores at 12:49 PM

Denver loves having fluky games against better teams (i.e last year vs. Texans).

Kenneth L. at 12:50 PM

Also, can someone explain why crewing ice is so satisfying even though I know it’s terrible

UprootedTexan at 12:50 PM

I don’t know what this Bud Light ad is, but without sound, it’s [kitten]ing creepy.

Joe Critz at 12:50 PM

ice is yummy

also iron deficiency makes it tastier

UprootedTexan at 12:50 PM

Are you anemic, by any chance?

I honestly can’t answer that because whenever anyone around me chews ice, it makes my skin crawl.

BigFatDrunk at 12:51 PM

This cardboard cutout Bud Light commercial is disturbing.

Matt Weston at 12:51 PM

I’m going to be so [kitten]ed whenever Darren Fells matches his touchdown catches from last season

Joe Critz at 12:51 PM

bro ice is the best snack

UprootedTexan at 12:51 PM

It’s [kitten]ing creepy.

Carlos Flores at 12:51 PM

This Bud Light ad has some real Pursuit of Happiness vibes going on.

Luke Beggs at 12:51 PM

There is no such thing as a good ad.

Kenneth L. at 12:51 PM

Yeah that bud light commercial was odd. Let me turn my advertising hat on for it

Luke you’ve never seen an ad that I’ve run then. Which is, by default, not a good thing

(BESFs fourth possession)

Carlos Flores at 12:52 PM

LOL

Matt Weston at 12:52 PM

The only good thing about advertising is that episode of Mad Men where Don Draper hangs out with those California freaks and is introduced to the SOUND AND THE FURY

UprootedTexan at 12:52 PM

[citation needed]

Kenneth L. at 12:52 PM

Hey who you calling California freaks

Matt that series of episodes was the last of mad men I watched. I was done after that

UprootedTexan at 12:53 PM

Wow, the only run they’ll stop behind the line all game.

Carlos Flores at 12:53 PM

Watt actually made a solid play there.

Luke Beggs at 12:53 PM

I have an ideological opposition to advertising along with just hating the fact that I’ve lost a huge chunk of my life to watching them.

Matt Weston at 12:54 PM

Hey J.J. Did something!

Carlos Flores at 12:54 PM

This team will never learn how to tackle.

Kenneth L. at 12:54 PM

Lol Luke well, you either pay for content with your money or time. Take your pick

Matt Weston at 12:54 PM

I don’t know but it’s this episode and that woman is my anima

Luke Beggs at 12:55 PM

I forget which episode that was Matt. Judging by the hair i’d say first or second season.

UprootedTexan at 12:56 PM

JJ Swatt.

Luke Beggs at 12:56 PM

Oh I know Kenneth. I just hate the fact that every episode of Lost that I saw came with 25 minutes of ads.

UprootedTexan at 12:56 PM

And the fact that Lost was bad.

Timeout Texans.

Carlos Flores at 12:57 PM

Zach Galifianakis put it best when he said “Bradley Cooper made it easier for guys like Jon Hamm to be stupid and pretty while succeeding in Hollywood”.

Luke Beggs at 12:57 PM

Yes, I’m coming for my time back Damon Lindelof.

Both of those guys are good actors though!

Matt Weston at 12:58 PM

I think it’s S2. I love when he leaves dumb[kitten] Pete at the pool.

Luke Beggs at 12:58 PM

They aren’t like Gerard Butler.

BigFatDrunk at 12:58 PM

So, these days, I use Cholula and butter as my base for wings, and then I add some spice to it. I think there’s something wrong with me.

Matt Weston at 12:58 PM

The Lost episode where they Flash forward blew the brains out of my head when I was like 16

UprootedTexan at 12:58 PM

Only “think?”

Also, the Astros did nothing wrong.

BigFatDrunk at 12:58 PM

Also, for the rest of the season, we might be better served using this thread for exchanging recipes over covering the Texans.

Carlos Flores at 12:58 PM

Law Abiding Citizen and Gamer are masterpieces that should be displayed in the Louvre.

Luke Beggs at 12:59 PM

Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Carlos Flores at 12:59 PM

Choo Choo, there goes the Henry train.

Hargraves is down.

UprootedTexan at 1:02 PM

Finally, things are looking up!

l4blitzer at 1:02 PM

I see that the Texans D is reverting back to its pre-Jacksonville form

BigFatDrunk at 1:02 PM

Yeah, maybe his mom cares.

UprootedTexan at 1:03 PM

Are they? Or was Jacksonville just the one team that was objectively worse than ours?

Matt Weston at 1:03 PM

The defense really wasn’t even that good v. JAX. The Jags missed two field goals, and blew 2 redzone drives.

l4blitzer at 1:03 PM

Probably yes to both.

Carlos Flores at 1:04 PM

Wow. Too easy.

l4blitzer at 1:04 PM

Miller time ad for the radio broadcast...even the higher caliber booze is giving this team up

(BESFs touchdown. BESFs lead 21-7)

Carlos Flores at 1:04 PM

Gaines got killed.

Matt Weston at 1:05 PM

[Durga] [kitten] TEN’s redzone offense is [kitten]ing absurd

BigFatDrunk at 1:05 PM

BOB spent the last two years spending like a drunken sailor to make his offense average, all while completely ignoring the defense.

UprootedTexan at 1:05 PM

“That’s the other coordinator’s problem.” — Bill O’Brien, probably

Joe Critz at 1:06 PM

pain

(Texans fourth possession)

Carlos Flores at 1:07 PM

A chop block on top of a failed play. LOLOLOL

UprootedTexan at 1:07 PM

I’m trying to watch this entire Texans season sober by placing a wooden spoon betwixt my teeth, and let me tell you, that spoon is already splintering.

Kenneth L. at 1:07 PM

Ryan Tannehill’s accuracy is real

Matt Weston at 1:07 PM

It’s been real for two seasons now!!

Joe Critz at 1:08 PM

he was the best qb in the world last year and he looks similar this year

l4blitzer at 1:08 PM

Screw holding...we’re going for the big penalties now

Kenneth L. at 1:08 PM

Watching this defense is like trying to clean and wash an old man with only your tongue

Luke Beggs at 1:08 PM

Tannehill isn’t the one everyone should be projecting to regress. It’s Henry.

UprootedTexan at 1:08 PM

Houston Texans football: Go Big And Go Home.

Carlos Flores at 1:08 PM

Holding on a successful play. LOLOLOL

l4blitzer at 1:09 PM

Radio guys are getting frustrated.

Carlos Flores at 1:09 PM

Jeffery Simmons is a leader of men.

BigFatDrunk at 1:10 PM

Same with the blogger guys, to be honest.

TWO MINUTE WARNING

UprootedTexan at 1:10 PM

Okay Kenneth, as our resident advertising expert, this Allstate ad with the lady rolling around like a bad ripoff of Katamari Damacy: good ad or bad ad?

Carlos Flores at 1:10 PM

UT YOU TOOK THE WORDS RIGHT OUT OF MY MOUTH.

Joe Critz at 1:10 PM

hahahaha

good ad plz i love katamari

Carlos Flores at 1:11 PM

I was literally looking up the name. It’s a great game.

UprootedTexan at 1:11 PM

I’ve never actually played it but I know the basic idea of it.

Joe Critz at 1:11 PM

they remade the first one on switch a couple years ago and i beat it during christmas break haha

UprootedTexan at 1:11 PM

Huh, I may have to go looking for it.

Joe Critz at 1:12 PM

i still listen to the music every now and then

it’s such a weird and charming game

Carlos Flores at 1:12 PM

Will Fuller possession catch? Huh.

Matt Weston at 1:12 PM

Marc Vandemeer owes me an apology for writing off the Texans regression to mean this year.

Carlos Flores at 1:12 PM

Terrible decision by Watson.

UprootedTexan at 1:13 PM

Coverage sack.

UprootedTexan at 1:13 PM

OH HOT [KITTEN] ONE MORE PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE!!!!

Kenneth L. at 1:14 PM

Ohh a coverage sack ehh? We’ll see about that

UprootedTexan at 1:14 PM

The only thing that would be funnier would be a debate between Don Jr. and Hunter Biden, but fate is not that kind to me.

I can’t agree to that, Kenneth, for I am a moron.

Carlos Flores at 1:14 PM

It wouldn’t be a debate. It would be a race to see who could snort down an 8-ball fastest.

l4blitzer at 1:15 PM

Throw in some steel chairs and Jim Ross as a commentator, and you got yourself a deal.

UprootedTexan at 1:15 PM

I know, that’s the whole appeal.

Matt Weston at 1:15 PM

Hunter doesn’t snort Carlos, he smokes

l4blitzer at 1:16 PM

The Titans are playing Cab Calloway on the PA system? Unfortunate for the Calloway family

UprootedTexan at 1:17 PM

Hidy hidy hidy ho.

Hidy hidy hidy hey.

Traitors fans a bunch of hoes.

Carlos Flores at 1:17 PM

David Johnson receiving yards? Wow.

UprootedTexan at 1:17 PM

Can we do that?

l4blitzer at 1:18 PM

Remember, BO’B is gone. We have to adjust to new concepts.

Carlos Flores at 1:18 PM

There was no desire to go for a TD on this drive. Playing for Ka’imi.

UprootedTexan at 1:18 PM

Field goal coming.

l4blitzer at 1:19 PM

Radio commentators just saying that Howard owns Clowney.

Carlos Flores at 1:19 PM

Looks like bringing in that kicker for a workout is keeping Fairbairn motivated.

(Ka’imi Fairbairn kicks a field goal. BESFs lead 21-10 at the half)

(Texans to receive kick to start second half)

HALFTIME REACTIONS

Matt Weston at 1:20 PM

Whenever attending football games becomes a real thing again, I’m going to go to Nashville and eat at that [Durga] [kitten] Logan’s Roadhouse in NISSAN stadium.

l4blitzer at 1:22 PM

I had little confidence in our defense before this game. I have even less now. Perhaps the offense can keep the game within range, but can the defense actually get a stop, or just hold to field goals? I don’t have a lot of confidence at this time.

Carlos Flores at 1:22 PM

I’m assuming their policy of throwing peanuts on the ground applies to the rest of the stadium as well? It would be on brand.

Matt Weston at 1:23 PM

Hell yeah it does

Joe Critz at 1:24 PM

defense is really really bad, unless it fundamentally changes, titans are putting up 40+ again

BigFatDrunk at 1:28 PM

So, next week we talk about food during the game. The week after, maybe crafting projects for the holidays?

Joe Critz at 1:29 PM

carve some pumpkins, maybe

UprootedTexan at 1:29 PM

That’s our annual project, we usually carve like 8-10 every year.

Joe Critz at 1:30 PM

oh wow that’s cool

i was planning on carving some with my family

maybe i should carve a texans related image

Carlos Flores at 1:31 PM

Carve Bill O’Brien’s face locked into a perpetual state of horror.

Joe Critz at 1:31 PM

or maybe bill o’brien’s face but with a demon eye in his chin dimple

l4blitzer at 1:32 PM

With another pumpkin next to it saying “I have to coach better”

Carlos Flores at 1:32 PM

“I have to taste better”

Joe Critz at 1:32 PM

hahaha

BigFatDrunk at 1:32 PM

Ew.

Joe Critz at 1:32 PM

now i’m hungry for pumpkin pie

UprootedTexan at 1:33 PM

This was one I did a couple of years back.

Carlos Flores at 1:33 PM

IS THAT THE OREGON TRAIL?

BigFatDrunk at 1:33 PM

The announcers think that the pre-season would have allowed Weaver and Kelly an opportunity to hone their skills. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH

UprootedTexan at 1:33 PM

Yep.

Carlos Flores at 1:33 PM

The pumpkin eventually died of dysentery

THIRD QUARTER

(Texans fifth possession)

Joe Critz at 1:34 PM

yoooo

BigFatDrunk at 1:34 PM

LOL, Carlos!

Joe Critz at 1:34 PM

how’d you make it so pixel-lay haha

l4blitzer at 1:34 PM

Can’t have a Oregon Trail reference without a death by dysentery

Joe Critz at 1:35 PM

every time i try to carve those little squares they fall apart

UprootedTexan at 1:35 PM

I printed out a thing that said “You have died of dysentery” because I didn’t dare try to carve it into the pumpkin.

Hell carving the wagon nearly caused the thing to fall in on itself.

Matt Weston at 1:35 PM

Malcolm Butler has been pretty good the last two weeks

BigFatDrunk at 1:35 PM

Yikes, Deshaun.

UprootedTexan at 1:36 PM

A whole lot of patience and special pumpkin carving tools for fine details.

Specifically, I had a saw with really, really fine teeth to do the pixels. Anything bigger would’ve probably ruined the whole pumpkin.

l4blitzer at 1:36 PM

Going 3 and out in game that figures to have a lot more points?? Bold strategy Cotton.

Kenneth L. at 1:37 PM

This offense

I’m not having a good time

(BESFs fifth possession)

Joe Critz at 1:38 PM

even the offense doesn’t look good rn

UprootedTexan at 1:39 PM

This is...kinda grim, y’all.

Matt Weston at 1:39 PM

I love how Derrick Henry gets better as he gets more carries and takes more damage. He’s like some [kitten]ed up boss in a JRPG.

UprootedTexan at 1:40 PM

He’s kind of like Marshawn Lynch in that respect in that he’ll hammer the defense so much that as the game goes on the defense doesn’t want to keep taking punishment or is so worn out that they can’t really stop him anymore.

Joe Critz at 1:40 PM

he’s gonna enter super saiyan and his hair is gonna double in length

Carlos Flores at 1:40 PM

We’ve only gotten to stage 2 Henry.

UprootedTexan at 1:41 PM

We can trade Roby, too. Don’t know who’d be stupid enough to trade for him but we could trade him.

Kenneth L. at 1:43 PM

[Durga] we suck

UprootedTexan at 1:43 PM

Nice pass breakup there. I mean they’ll still convert on third and infinity but at least we’re making it hard for them.

Wow, not even third down.

Carlos Flores at 1:43 PM

That was an outrageous conversion

BigFatDrunk at 1:44 PM

Embarrassing.

Matt Weston at 1:44 PM

Tannehill is outrageous

Kenneth L. at 1:44 PM

Oh no I don’t want to know

Matt Weston at 1:44 PM

[Durga] [kitten] what a [kitten]ing throw

UprootedTexan at 1:44 PM

You’re about to find out Kenneth.

Carlos Flores at 1:44 PM

Look at it Kenneth.

Kenneth L. at 1:44 PM

It’s 2nd and 20 what can go wrong

Oh. That was a good throw. Yikes

UprootedTexan at 1:45 PM

Yep.

Kenneth L. at 1:45 PM

This is a clinic.

BigFatDrunk at 1:45 PM

Cowards.

(TEXANS BLOCK THE BESF FIELD GOAL ATTEMPT! TEXANS BALL!)

Carlos Flores at 1:45 PM

WHAT A BLOCK!

BigFatDrunk at 1:46 PM

You get that for not going for it.

Joe Critz at 1:47 PM

special teams!!!

l4blitzer at 1:47 PM

More Tracy Smith Special Teams Voodoo

Kenneth L. at 1:48 PM

Woooo

(Texans sixth possession)

Joe Critz at 1:48 PM

so we need a touchdown on this drive

to stay alive

UprootedTexan at 1:49 PM

We do indeed.

BigFatDrunk at 1:49 PM

We have one truly great young defensive player on the entire roster.

Matt Weston at 1:49 PM

[Durga] [kitten]it mike!

UprootedTexan at 1:49 PM

Also, the Astros did nothing wrong.

Carlos Flores at 1:50 PM

Clowney was chasing Deshaun.

UprootedTexan at 1:50 PM

Holy hell, Fells is making the most of it today.

Where is Brandin Cooks?

BigFatDrunk at 1:50 PM

You get Watson out of the pocket on purpose, and good things happen.

Carlos Flores at 1:51 PM

I feel like Stills might have been able to make that catch. PI still helps though.

l4blitzer at 1:51 PM

You don’t need Cooks when Fells is making all big yardage plays.

Joe Critz at 1:51 PM

lets go fells

big play machine

UprootedTexan at 1:51 PM

I had to say something.

Carlos Flores at 1:51 PM

Cooks is slipping, stumbling, bumbling.

UprootedTexan at 1:51 PM

Also, was that a jet sweep I just saw?

Matt Weston at 1:52 PM

That’s the first Cooks jet sweep this year

BigFatDrunk at 1:52 PM

These announcers clearly didn’t watch the Vikings game.

(David Johnson CHUM for a touchdown! BESFs lead 21-16 with the extra point to come.)

Joe Critz at 1:53 PM

woooo

(Extra point is good. BESFs lead 21-17.)

Joe Critz at 1:53 PM

we got a game!

l4blitzer at 1:54 PM

New chant for this game: “BOTH Ds SUCK!!! BOTH Ds SUCK!!!”

Matt Weston at 1:54 PM

I don’t think I’d cut my [kitten] off for Mike Vrabel anymore after that field goal decision

UprootedTexan at 1:54 PM

Well, good, glad to hear that was the sole deterrent there.

Joe Critz at 1:54 PM

HAHAHAHHAA

l4blitzer at 1:56 PM

Radio ad for the Texas Bowl...still wondering if that will actually happen.

UprootedTexan at 1:56 PM

Money has to be made, of course it’s going to happen.

(BESFs sixth possession)

l4blitzer at 1:58 PM

Might only be interested if they allow Texas/Texas A&M to play, but they won’t, so guess I’m out.

UprootedTexan at 1:59 PM

I kind of like this Progressive ad with the therapist trying to get people to stop acting like their parents.

(J.J. WATT WITH THE STRIP SACK, TEXANS RECOVER THE FUMBLE!)

Carlos Flores at 2:00 PM

J.J. just destroyed Tannehill.

UprootedTexan at 2:01 PM

GET THE FUMBLE!!!

Matt Weston at 2:01 PM

The Texans could win this game now that Lewan is out. That’s a huge blow to their outside zone game.

BigFatDrunk at 2:01 PM

JJ Watt. WOW!

Joe Critz at 2:01 PM

OH MY GOODNESS

(Texans seventh possession)

Joe Critz at 2:01 PM

WOOOOO

UprootedTexan at 2:01 PM

99 sacks for 99.

BigFatDrunk at 2:02 PM

Sambrailo deserves some sort of award for that play. Gives up the sack and then tries to do something while trying to recover the ball.

Matt Weston at 2:02 PM

J.J. Watt v. Ty Sambrailo

Carlos Flores at 2:02 PM

David Johnson got walled off.

Matt Weston at 2:02 PM

That was a Petey Faggins esque play by Sambrailo

UprootedTexan at 2:02 PM

And we immediately start with a CHUM.

l4blitzer at 2:02 PM

The radio broadcaster in vocal ecstasy

Clockwork BO’B is tough to break.

UprootedTexan at 2:03 PM

A Clockwork Beige?

l4blitzer at 2:03 PM

Tim Kelly still trying to overcome that conditioning...

Joe Critz at 2:03 PM

MY HEART

Carlos Flores at 2:04 PM

Perfectly placed ball for a TD

Joe Critz at 2:04 PM

WOOOOO

Luke Beggs at 2:04 PM

That pass though.

(Watson to Randall Cobb, somehow, for the touchdown! Texans now ::reads notes:: lead(?) 23-21 with the extra point to come)

Joe Critz at 2:04 PM

THIS IS HAPPENING

(Under Review)

Carlos Flores at 2:06 PM

TD Texans.

l4blitzer at 2:06 PM

Instant replay sounds weird over radio...

Matt Weston at 2:06 PM

NO Idea if it’s a TD or not

(Call Stands)

(Extra point is way no good. Texans lead 23-21.)

UprootedTexan at 2:06 PM

Oh [kitten] you.

Carlos Flores at 2:07 PM

Fairbairn missing was on my bingo card.

l4blitzer at 2:07 PM

Guess the Titans got hold of a Fairbairn doll from NOLA as well.

UprootedTexan at 2:08 PM

Brett Maher, come on down! You’re the next contestant on “Kick That Pig!”

(BESFs seventh possession)

Carlos Flores at 2:10 PM

PETA has entered the chat.

UprootedTexan at 2:10 PM

PETA can suck it.

l4blitzer at 2:11 PM

You mean the People for the Eating of Tasty Animals? Figured they might be happy with those actions.

UprootedTexan at 2:11 PM

Ty Sambrailo is having a normal one today.

l4blitzer at 2:12 PM

The Titans know they are playing us, right? 1-4 with no discernible defense, right?

UprootedTexan at 2:12 PM

That PETA is fine.

Carlos Flores at 2:13 PM

Who the hell is this guy?

l4blitzer at 2:13 PM

Ok, guess they figured it out.

Carlos Flores at 2:13 PM

I wish we could call PA like that.

Joe Critz at 2:14 PM

tennessee’s rookie backup rb is playing better than henry so far this season lol

Carlos Flores at 2:15 PM

Wow, Blacklock tripped up Henry.

Matt Weston at 2:15 PM

that isn’t Darrynton Evans

UprootedTexan at 2:15 PM

Shhhhh, you’ll only make him mad.

BigFatDrunk at 2:15 PM

Hey, Blacklock did a thing!

UprootedTexan at 2:16 PM

Our “first” round pick did a thing!

FOURTH QUARTER

Joe Critz at 2:18 PM

i can’t believe for how bad this defense has been and for how well the titans have been playing, that we’re actually winning entering the 4th quarter

the blocked kick and strip sack are the two plays that have changed the entire game

BigFatDrunk at 2:19 PM

A complete list of what Vrabel learned from earlier:

Fin.

(BESFs miss a field goal. Texans lead 23-21)

Carlos Flores at 2:19 PM

LOL

Joe Critz at 2:19 PM

LETS GO

Carlos Flores at 2:19 PM

Gostkowski is not having a fun day.

l4blitzer at 2:20 PM

Must have had a clearance special on kicker Voodoo dolls this week.

(Texans eighth possession)

UprootedTexan at 2:20 PM

Nice pitch and catch between Watson and Cooks there.

BigFatDrunk at 2:20 PM

Kelly stepping on the gas. I like it. We’d see nothing but CHUMs from BOB.

Matt Weston at 2:20 PM

Mike Vrabel must have been speaking to Bill O’Brien on the phone all week.

l4blitzer at 2:21 PM

Titans defense...they might a few issues

Matt Weston at 2:21 PM

This is the exact type of bat[kitten] AFC South game O’Brien would always pull off

Joe Critz at 2:21 PM

lets go man!

this texans offense is different!

UprootedTexan at 2:21 PM

There’s the CHUM.

Joe Critz at 2:21 PM

NEVERMIND

KILL ME

UprootedTexan at 2:21 PM

Someone run over that raccoon with a car, please.

Matt Weston at 2:21 PM

stop running at Jeffery Simmons

Carlos Flores at 2:22 PM

Good grab by Cooks.

UprootedTexan at 2:22 PM

Hell of a grab by Cooks there.

Matt Weston at 2:22 PM

Another throw behind the crosser

UprootedTexan at 2:22 PM

Burn that page of the playbook.

l4blitzer at 2:23 PM

Clowney makes an appearance.

Carlos Flores at 2:23 PM

Deshaun had two potential checkdown throws there. I like it.

Matt Weston at 2:24 PM

lmao Clowney is exhausted

UprootedTexan at 2:24 PM

Simmons isn’t.

Carlos Flores at 2:24 PM

Nick Martin cut loose and Simmons had a free run.

l4blitzer at 2:25 PM

Titans bowed up when they needed to...

Joe Critz at 2:25 PM

MAN

just throw it away

(BESFs eighth possession)

Joe Critz at 2:26 PM

okay well defense has to make another stop, somehow

and by that i mean hope for a special teams disaster on Tennessee’s side

(BESFs touchdown with two point conversion. BESFs lead 29-23)

Carlos Flores at 2:27 PM

lol henry

BigFatDrunk at 2:28 PM

LLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLO!

Carlos Flores at 2:28 PM

It was only a matter of time. 94 freaking yards. Cunningham got SMOKED.

Matt Weston at 2:28 PM

HOW IS HE THAT FAST?

holy [kitten]

Joe Critz at 2:28 PM

i’m dead

UprootedTexan at 2:29 PM

Glad I went to the bathroom for that one.

Matt Weston at 2:29 PM

Luke gotta hit us with that maniac who is TITANED UP

Carlos Flores at 2:29 PM

The defense was not prepared for the 2-point

BigFatDrunk at 2:29 PM

We gave Cunningham and Murray all that money, too.

UprootedTexan at 2:30 PM

Guess I should avoid going to the bathroom for the rest of the game.

(Texans ninth possession)

Joe Critz at 2:31 PM

DONT [KITTEN] EVER

UprootedTexan at 2:31 PM

Never tweet. Never [kitten].

(Watson to Fuller for a 53 yard bomb for a touchdown! Game tied 29-29 with the extra point to come.)

Carlos Flores at 2:32 PM

WHAT A BOMB TO FULLER!

HE WAS JUST SITTING THERE.

UprootedTexan at 2:32 PM

HOLY [KITTEN]ING [KITTEN]!

Carlos Flores at 2:32 PM

LIGHTING FAST.

Matt Weston at 2:32 PM

I pooped my pants

Joe Critz at 2:32 PM

LETS GOOOOOO

OH MY GOOD LORD

(Extra point is good, Texans lead 30-29.)

Y’all, I don’t know what to make of this. We’re actually competitive right now.

Joe Critz at 2:33 PM

I’m trying to do the post game recap and THIS GAME KEEPS CHANGING

Matt Weston at 2:33 PM

[KITTEN] Bill O’Brien

BigFatDrunk at 2:33 PM

YUP!

UprootedTexan at 2:34 PM

PREACH!

Carlos Flores at 2:34 PM

HOLLER AT YOUR MOMMA!

Luke Beggs at 2:35 PM

It’s the Will Fuller vs Titans game

Joe Critz at 2:35 PM

will fuller i love you so much

bring in the deep ball offense

l4blitzer at 2:35 PM

This was the type of game we figured we would see, and probably have to win this year

UprootedTexan at 2:36 PM

For those of you who are advocating for the Texans getting rid of Fuller, may I offer that play as Exhibit A for why the Texans should keep him.

Luke Beggs at 2:36 PM

Eh he’s probably too injured for most other teams anyway

Joe Critz at 2:36 PM

might as well just keep him

(BESFs ninth possession)

Carlos Flores at 2:36 PM

What a pick by Roby.

BigFatDrunk at 2:36 PM

An interception??? What kittenry is this?

Carlos Flores at 2:37 PM

He had to get up there for it.

l4blitzer at 2:37 PM

Now, if we can avoid those 94 yard runs...

(Bradley Roby picks off Ryan Tannehill! Texans ball!)

(Texans tenth possession)

UprootedTexan at 2:37 PM

I DON’T RECOGNIZE THIS TEAM!

Matt Weston at 2:37 PM

I feel bad for making fun of the turnover belt now

UprootedTexan at 2:38 PM

At last, a gimmick that actually works for the Texans!

Carlos Flores at 2:38 PM

Intermediate pass on first down? What magic is this?

UprootedTexan at 2:38 PM

Aaaaand we’re back.

Carlos Flores at 2:38 PM

Back to DJ. It was fun while it lasted.

Joe Critz at 2:39 PM

it’s like kelly is still trying to appease o’brien

Carlos Flores at 2:39 PM

Bad throw by Watson.

UprootedTexan at 2:39 PM

And he knew it too.

BigFatDrunk at 2:39 PM

Oh, so, you don’t need to establish the run in order to run play action successfully? Is that what y’all are saying, Mr. Announcer Guys?

UprootedTexan at 2:40 PM

The Falcons have a 26 point lead over the Vikings. There’s no way this ends badly for them, right?

l4blitzer at 2:40 PM

Well, Dan Quinn is gone, so, maybe?

UprootedTexan at 2:40 PM

Kind of a generous spot, but I’m not complaining.

Carlos Flores at 2:41 PM

[Kitten]ing CHUM, man.

NORTH AND SOUTH FULLER, NOT EAST AND WEST.

UprootedTexan at 2:41 PM

What was that Fuller?

BigFatDrunk at 2:41 PM

That was a very unique run after catch!

l4blitzer at 2:42 PM

At this point, a CHUM isn’t terrible. Just can’t be addicted to it.

Carlos Flores at 2:42 PM

Go for it.

UprootedTexan at 2:42 PM

GO FOR IT YOU PANSIES!

Carlos Flores at 2:43 PM

It’s a run.

Matt Weston at 2:43 PM

COME ON ROMEO

UprootedTexan at 2:43 PM

Oh [Durga] they’re going for it.

l4blitzer at 2:43 PM

Radio is clamoring for it

UprootedTexan at 2:43 PM

He got it!

Durga bless forward progress.

Carlos Flores at 2:44 PM

Curls get the girls, baby.

l4blitzer at 2:44 PM

Then again, the way this kickers have been, would you trust either with a 50+ yarder at this point?

UprootedTexan at 2:44 PM

#LetDeshaunCook

Fight me, Big Matt.

Joe Critz at 2:44 PM

OH MAN

Matt Weston at 2:44 PM

Pharoah Brown sealing Clowney on the edge is sick

Hell yeah I will UT. Come up with your own!

Joe Critz at 2:44 PM

CLOWNEY JUST GOT CLOWNED

UprootedTexan at 2:45 PM

Too many men on the field! LOL I love it.

Luke Beggs at 2:45 PM

So that’s how it feels watching JJoe play 5 yards off

Matt Weston at 2:45 PM

feels good man

UprootedTexan at 2:45 PM

This is a parity league, so I will parity.

Carlos Flores at 2:45 PM

surprised that didn’t draw a flag on Butler.

l4blitzer at 2:45 PM

Wow, the Titans are fighting us for worst D on the field!

UprootedTexan at 2:45 PM

THROW A FLAG THAT WAS PASS INTERFERENCE!

Carlos Flores at 2:46 PM

AN OUTSIDE ZONE RUN?!!?!?

l4blitzer at 2:46 PM

Radio guy tearing into Butler...nice

UprootedTexan at 2:46 PM

Ow, that looked like it hurt like hell.

BigFatDrunk at 2:46 PM

THAT IS A BIG, GOOD LOOKING HOLE.

Joe Critz at 2:47 PM

lets GO

GUYS

THIS GAME

IS AMAZING

UprootedTexan at 2:47 PM

This is like the first game in three years where I’m finally feeling things about this team.

Luke Beggs at 2:47 PM

Have David Johnson’s longest runs come in this game? It feels like they have.

Carlos Flores at 2:48 PM

What a great fake on the pitch to pick up some extra yards.

l4blitzer at 2:48 PM

“Give Deshaun a two-way”...radio guys, this a family program.

UprootedTexan at 2:48 PM

That has to be the longest one he’s had all season.

At this rate, he could ask for a three way and nobody would object.

Carlos Flores at 2:48 PM

What a crap play.

BigFatDrunk at 2:48 PM

What terrible vision by DJ. My goodness.

UprootedTexan at 2:48 PM

Why and for whom was that play?

TWO MINUTE WARNING

Matt Weston at 2:49 PM

lol David Johnson trying to make up for that TD run he missed against Minnesota two weeks ago

This game is Mike Vrabel’s nightmare

Luke Beggs at 2:50 PM

How so Matty?

BigFatDrunk at 2:51 PM

Vrabel? BOB is probably throwing a huge tantrum about how this isn’t real football.

UprootedTexan at 2:51 PM

“THIS IS MOST NON-MANSOME FOOTBALL!”

Carlos Flores at 2:51 PM

Immediately shut down. My [Durga].

UprootedTexan at 2:51 PM

Oh for [kitten]’s sake.

Tunsil got completely laid out on that play.

BigFatDrunk at 2:52 PM

/Vikings flashbacks

Matt Weston at 2:52 PM

Visions of Rashaan Evans stopping an entire redzone possession on his own against NE in last year’s Wildcard Round

UprootedTexan at 2:52 PM

Clench everything.

Joe Critz at 2:52 PM

gotta go for it

jesus lord

(Watson to Cooks for the touchdown on fourth and goal! Texans lead 36-29)

Carlos Flores at 2:52 PM

TD COOKS!

Joe Critz at 2:53 PM

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

l4blitzer at 2:53 PM

Maybe I am old school, but shotgun for a probable 1 yard run...at least go pistol

BigFatDrunk at 2:53 PM

I love Romeo Crennel. And he’s going for 2. THIS IS HOW TO DO IT.

BigFatDrunk at 2:53 PM

Play to win, not to tie.

l4blitzer at 2:53 PM

Love going for 2 here...love it!!!

Matt Weston at 2:53 PM

Watson empty sets are bad[kitten]ing[kitten]

Carlos Flores at 2:54 PM

I love RAC.

In a grandpa kind of way.

(Two point attempt is no good. Texans lead 36-29)

UprootedTexan at 2:54 PM

It was the right call.

Matt Weston at 2:55 PM

[Durga] bless Romeo Crennel

Jay Feely keep fighting the good fight

Luke Beggs at 2:55 PM

Never leave us RAC

I smell a nerd

(BESFs tenth possession)

l4blitzer at 2:55 PM

That’s ok...that’s why in this situation you love it. Still need a TD + extra point just to tie.

UprootedTexan at 2:56 PM

Oh lawd.

Uh oh, defense turned back into a pumpkin.

Matt Weston at 2:57 PM

TEN TD, Vrabel goes for it, my sexual organs explode

l4blitzer at 2:58 PM

Hmm..perhaps a bit too much cushion for the Texans pass D?

Carlos Flores at 2:59 PM

Death by slant.

Jacob Martin almost got there.

AJ Brown with the Andre Johnson TD.

(BESFs touchdown. Game tied at 36.)

Joe Critz at 3:00 PM

oh my GOD

UprootedTexan at 3:01 PM

They’re going for overtime.

Matt Weston at 3:01 PM

OMFG

Luke Beggs at 3:01 PM

He’s Andre Johnson

Joe Critz at 3:01 PM

THIS GAME IS A MOVIE

UprootedTexan at 3:01 PM

He didn’t get both feet down

Luke Beggs at 3:01 PM

Oh [Durga] the ghosts of Dre are alive.

l4blitzer at 3:01 PM

Never mind...Texans reclaimed the mantle of worst D on the field

Joe Critz at 3:01 PM

hes OUT OF BOUNDS

THE KNEE

THE KNEEEEE’

HE’S OUT

Carlos Flores at 3:02 PM

BEN D. KNEEE!

UprootedTexan at 3:02 PM

And his knee landed out of bounds.

Matt Weston at 3:02 PM

yeah that looks OB

what a [kitten] play

l4blitzer at 3:03 PM

“Gotta Zubuter this thing”...line of the day for the radio guys

Matt Weston at 3:03 PM

I say give it to him. It’s too great of a playcall and catch to overturn it.

(Under review)

Carlos Flores at 3:03 PM

TD

BigFatDrunk at 3:03 PM

Going for 1. BWOCK. BWOCK.

Joe Critz at 3:03 PM

BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK

(Call stands. Game tied 36-36.)

Luke Beggs at 3:04 PM

WOWOWOWOWWOO

Joe Critz at 3:04 PM

he did NOT get it but it couldn’t be overturned

Carlos Flores at 3:04 PM

OT here we come

Joe Critz at 3:04 PM

oh [Durga]

Matt Weston at 3:04 PM

lmao go for it MIKE

Joe Critz at 3:04 PM

we shoulda kicked the extra point

(Extra point is good.)

Joe Critz at 3:05 PM

we’re gonna lose like the chargers did

l4blitzer at 3:05 PM

Thus the undisputed evidence to overturn

Matt Weston at 3:05 PM

Joe don’t be a COWARD

Romeo made the right decision

Joe Critz at 3:05 PM

if you kick the extra point you cant lose!

UprootedTexan at 3:05 PM

Nah, it was the right call to go for two there.

Joe Critz at 3:05 PM

you can only tie!

UprootedTexan at 3:05 PM

Like...right now?

BigFatDrunk at 3:05 PM

This announcer is really upset he’s been questioned.

Matt Weston at 3:05 PM

I hate this guy. Who is he?

I’m going to kick his [kitten]

UprootedTexan at 3:06 PM

Greg Gumbel and Rich Gannon with Gene Steratore.

Matt Weston at 3:06 PM

Rich Gannon needs his [kitten] kicked

UprootedTexan at 3:06 PM

Please address all hate mail c/o CBS Sports to those three individuals.

Matt Weston at 3:06 PM

I can’t watch a DeAndre Carter kick return anymore

OVERTIME

Carlos Flores at 3:07 PM

This man is HEATED. He even brought out a laminated piece of paper to prove his point.

UprootedTexan at 3:07 PM

That would be Rich Gannon then.

Joe Critz at 3:07 PM

idk man i’m all for going for two but when the chargers and vikings literally just lost cuz of this happening

games over

GAMES OVER

(BESFs won toss, will receive.)

Carlos Flores at 3:07 PM

Deshaun was visibly upset because he knows the defense is [kitten].

Matt Weston at 3:07 PM

The Vikings had a 98% chance of winning if they got one yard, and you aren’t considering the field position change either.

UprootedTexan at 3:08 PM

Make your peace with Durga now, y’all.

Matt Weston at 3:08 PM

The Chargers lost because they’re the Chargers and all they do is lose close games.

Joe Critz at 3:08 PM

i agree with the vikings going for it but it LITERALLY JUST HAPPENED LAST WEEK

l4blitzer at 3:08 PM

Well, the timing of the game was the factor. If more time in the 4th, you don’t want to be up only 9. However, with 2 mins or less, a 9 point lead is a good thing, especially with how poorly onside kicks are these days.

Joe Critz at 3:08 PM

also you always qb sneak on 4th and 1

never do anything else

Matt Weston at 3:09 PM

You can’t be so heavy on an outcome. It’s a game of small sample sizes. Getting one yard>>>forcing your [kitten]ty defense to stop a great quarterback.

(BESFs eleventh possession.)

l4blitzer at 3:09 PM

Besides, our d was so bad that they would have allowed the 2 pointer anyway

Joe Critz at 3:09 PM

ur probably right

Carlos Flores at 3:09 PM

PJ Hall with a stop.

UprootedTexan at 3:10 PM

Y’all couldn’t have done that on the last possession?!

Joe Critz at 3:10 PM

its just with an 8 point lead you literally can’t lose

but it’s too late for that now

Carlos Flores at 3:10 PM

Wow. I thought Henry would have ended the game there.

l4blitzer at 3:10 PM

Now, can the D redeem itself

Carlos Flores at 3:10 PM

Is that Murray that’s down?

BigFatDrunk at 3:10 PM

Vernon Hargreaves LOLOLOLOLOL!

Matt Weston at 3:10 PM

YES YOU 100% can lose even with an 8 point lead

Carlos Flores at 3:11 PM

It’s Lonnie. Big Whoop.

Matt Weston at 3:11 PM

Lonnie just lost a horcrux

Joe Critz at 3:11 PM

i mean in regulation

BigFatDrunk at 3:11 PM

For me, the thing is that they are likely to score the two pointer. Vrabel has proven to be a chicken. Go for the kill.

Matt Weston at 3:12 PM

You want to win in regulation instead of not lose in regulation.

Carlos Flores at 3:12 PM

I love that a big ol’ DT dropped and tried to chase after Henry. Even if both his legs were broken it wouldn’t have mattered.

Joe Critz at 3:12 PM

that makes sense

Carlos Flores at 3:12 PM

Good stop by Reid.

Joe Critz at 3:13 PM

nightmare zone

UprootedTexan at 3:13 PM

And Derrick Henry has a turd sticking out of his helmet.

l4blitzer at 3:13 PM

This Defense...

Matt Weston at 3:13 PM

Justin Reid learned from Josh Norman

I want to bite the turd

Carlos Flores at 3:14 PM

That’s game. Direct snap to Henry lol.

Matt Weston at 3:14 PM

So TEN is just throwing the flat against Houston’s quarter defense

UprootedTexan at 3:14 PM

You understand this is considered “safe for print,” right, Matt?

(BESFs touchdown.)

Joe Critz at 3:14 PM

[DURGA]

Matt Weston at 3:15 PM

Henry just dropped his nuts on Houston

Joe Critz at 3:15 PM

i want to feel like herbert

FINAL SCORE: TEXANS 36 - BESFs 42.

l4blitzer at 3:15 PM

Easterby is now on the phone for all the fire sale deals

Joe Critz at 3:15 PM

i want to feel like kirk cousins

UprootedTexan at 3:15 PM

That’s how it was destined to end, really.

Matt Weston at 3:16 PM

[Durga] [kitten] what a football game

UprootedTexan at 3:17 PM

And the Astros did nothing wrong.

Joe Critz at 3:52 PM

still don’t fully agree with going for 2 there but that’s just cuz my brain is massive

GAME BALLS

Offense - Let’s go with Darren Fells this week. He had a really good game.

Defense - 601 yards of total offense allowed. No game balls for you. Maybe J.J. Watt for his strip sack, but that’s it.

Well that’s all I’ve got, what do you have to say, BRB faithful? Was it the right call? What do you want to see out of the Texans for the rest of this season? Let us know in the comments if you’re still bothering reading this.