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Houston Texans Final Score/Post-Game Recap: Packers 35, Texans 20

That went about as well as we thought it would.

Green Bay Packers v Houston Texans Photo by Logan Riely/Getty Images

The Houston Texans played a football game today in the sense that they were on the football field while the Green Bay Packers were also on the football field while a football game was being played. Aside from that, this wasn’t much of a football game. It was a blowout. A bludgeoning. Teeth turned into piano keys.

The Texans fell behind early because Tim Kelly ran the ball a lot and failed to immediately do the things that worked the previous two weeks. With Houston’s offense in the hole, they faced longer third downs, put the offense in a worse position to move the ball, and made it difficult to play keep up. With the defense Houston has, facing one of the best offenses in the league, Houston had to score to keep up. They didn’t. It got uglier than the monster in FUNHOUSE right away.

On the other end, Aaron Rodgers roasted every member of Houston’s secondary. The Texans didn’t have an answer for Davante Adams when Bradley Roby was on the field and didn’t have an answer for him once Roby was off the field. It culminated with a slot touchdown to Adams against $10 million dollar man Eric Murray. Who knew he wasn’t this defense’s missing link?

Houston found themselves down 28-10. Then Buddy Howell blocked a punt with his butt. In the red zone, like he did on previous plays, Deshaun Watson made a throw outside the structure of the offense to inch Houston closer. The Texans found themselves in a fourth down situation again. Houston kicked the field goal. The nerds bothering Romeo Crennel about going for two the entirety of last week against the Titans gelded him this week. After this decision, the game was over. Finished. Complete.

Regardless, we were here the entire time. Watching every play. We will continue to watch every game. I don’t know why we do this, but we do.
Next week we won’t, because the Texans on the bye. It couldn’t have come at a better time. We’ll be back the week after when the Texans play the Jacksonville Jaguars in the catfight that’s held at the bottom of the AFC South cellar. If you forgot, the password is BortlingBortles. Bring your own beer.