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This was the first non-prime time Texans game I got to watch at home in a really long time. Ordinarily, since Texans games aren’t on TV here in Seattle, I have to go to Buffalo Wild Wings to watch the game. It’s become a nice little tradition in the family to spend Sundays with Mrs. UT at BWW and generally not talk to each other for three hours; she’s too busy watching her New Orleans Saints to strike up a conversation anyway. We’re really careful, we wear masks when we’re not eating and wash hands repeatedly if we get up from the table, and we tried our best to cover our bases when we went out.
But because COVID cases are spiking here, the State of Washington ordered a four week lockdown of all indoor service for restaurants and bars. Again. And this is in a state that was doing a better job of controlling the spread than most others. While they say it’s only going to be a four week lockdown, I have a feeling it’s going to be like the first one back in March where it kept getting extended and extended and extended.
Which is fine, honestly. I don’t want to risk getting sick if I don’t have to, and it’s not like I have much reason to leave the house otherwise these days anyway (hooray, working from home!). But I kind of hoped it wouldn’t come to that. I’d hoped that people would recognize that falling back into lockdown and quarantine was a distinct possibility and maybe would try to do their best to stop the spread.
But then there was the Lake of the Ozarks. There was Sturgis. There were business owners who whined that if they couldn’t force their employees to come into work and sacrifice themselves to the sons of the profits that they might not be able to stay open.
What does this have to do with the Texans beating the Patriots and doing it in a mostly convincing matter? Not a lot, really. Partly, it’s a roundabout way for me to bring up that I had to watch this game on a stream, which means that most of my comments are delayed in this thread, but I tried to react as best I could to events happening in real time. Mostly it’s just me saying please stay safe out there and wear a mask. If not for your own sake, then to protect those around you who might not be so lucky if they get COVID. Because I care about y’all and [kitten].
Anyway, enough soapboxing. On to this week’s Dog.
As always, in finest Hair of the Dog tradition, all swear words have been replaced with [kitten] to make this thread safe to read at work. However, this thread may not be quite as agreeable to your digestive system. We apologize in advance.
Enjoy!
PREGAME DISCUSSION:
UprootedTexan at 11:36 AM
Jack Easterby makes over $3 million a year?! I could do what he does for a fraction of the price.
Carlos Flores at 11:36 AM
With triple the effectiveness!
UprootedTexan at 11:37 AM
As general manager of the Houston Texans, I would be the most cost-efficient general manager in the league, possibly in league history.
l4blitzer at 11:53 AM
But will you be smart, tough and dependable? That’s $1M for each category.
Carlos Flores at 11:55 AM
If you snag someone who quotes scripture in their press conferences, that counts as a Daily Double!
UprootedTexan at 11:56 AM
I’ll get some street preacher with three-foot long hair who mutters between sermons about squirrels. They’ll never notice a difference.
bigfatdrunk at 11:57 AM
So, on a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being the least and 10 being the most, how painful will this game be to watch?
UprootedTexan at 11:58 AM
The Pats aren’t as good as in past seasons so I’ll put it at a 7.
But I reserve the right to up that if they bring up Tom Brady every five minutes.
Carlos Flores at 11:59 AM
I’m going to say an 8, because Cam will be having tons of fun at the Texans’ expense.
l4blitzer at 12:00 PM
On a scale of 1 to 10...TILT!!!
UprootedTexan at 12:00 PM
This is going to be weird since I’m watching on a stream.
Carlos Flores at 12:02 PM
Texans CEO Cal McNair recently had dinner with Deshaun Watson and the direction of the Texans’ franchise came up during their conversation. McNair wanted to hear Watson’s thoughts and opinions on who should be the next Texans head coach:https://t.co/2kIndwVxy7
— Adam Schefter (@AdamSchefter) November 22, 2020
Did they just say that Rod Johnson is working the blindside today?
UprootedTexan at 12:03 PM
I was just reading this. This passage jumped to me right away:
“I fully realize how important the general manager and head coach hires are for this organization,” McNair told ESPN. “My goal is to hire great people who fit the Houston Texans. I want to build something that our fans, players and staff are proud of.”
You let Bill O’Brien be the GM, I’m not sure I believe you Kyle.
FIRST QUARTER:
(Texans first possession)
Already off to a better start than DeAndre Carter with that touchback.
Carlos Flores at 12:04 PM
Baby Belichick’s mullet will never not be amazing.
UprootedTexan at 12:04 PM
And we begin with a CHUM.
Gotta love the classics.
Carlos Flores at 12:05 PM
“Play it again, Tony”. Tony has been dead for over 5 years.
Matt Weston at 12:05 PM
The Texans run blocking breaks my heart.
UprootedTexan at 12:06 PM
Oh my [Durga], I just saw that is an executive power mullet right there.
Carlos Flores at 12:06 PM
Duke getting into a scrap.
Matt Weston at 12:07 PM
COWARDS
UprootedTexan at 12:07 PM
Oh crap, I’m behind.
(Patriots first possession)
Joe Critz at 12:10 PM
this has been a bad season but if we’re able to sink the patriots today, all will be forgiven
Carlos Flores at 12:11 PM
After that screen, I don’t think so lol
Matt Weston at 12:11 PM
If you’re a Houston pass rusher, and actually getting a pass rush, it might be a screen pass.
UprootedTexan at 12:12 PM
Egads.
admiralackbaritsatrap.jpg
Carlos Flores at 12:13 PM
The Patriots can do anything they want to us.
Matt Weston at 12:14 PM
Whitney Mercilus tofu edge setter
UprootedTexan at 12:14 PM
Not much new there.
Joe Critz at 12:14 PM
just need cam to have another bad game and deshaun just needs another good game
Carlos Flores at 12:15 PM
I’m surprised Cam didn’t tuck it for a few yards there.
Nvm, they remembered that they can run the ball.
bigfatdrunk at 12:16 PM
This defense is LOL bad.
(Patriots touchdown. Patriots lead 7-0)
Joe Critz at 12:16 PM
yuck
Matt Weston at 12:16 PM
This is the worst run defense in the league.
Joe Critz at 12:17 PM
the patriots are exceptional at making football not fun
UprootedTexan at 12:17 PM
The processing has begun.
Matt Weston at 12:18 PM
There is nothing enjoyable about this defense at all. Just hot squelching and scorching liquid kitten splattering the field.
Joe Critz at 12:18 PM
smoking hot raingus, baby!
Carlos Flores at 12:18 PM
LeBron James after Taco Tuesday levels of squirts.
Joe Critz at 12:19 PM
OH MY [DURGA]
someone reading the HOTD thread on Monday or Tuesday is officially gonna get sick
but it was worth it
Carlos Flores at 12:20 PM
It’s me, I’m someone.
UprootedTexan at 12:20 PM
They’ll be used to the feeling after watching this game.
(Texans second possession)
Carlos Flores at 12:21 PM
What a grab by Cooks!
Joe Critz at 12:21 PM
okay here we go DEEP SHOT TO FULLER
that’ll work
Matt Weston at 12:21 PM
alcoholic bloody bile day seven of a bender toilet bowl painting
Oh, wow, I didn’t know Brandin Cooks could catch a pass that had a depth of target past 7 yards
Joe Critz at 12:22 PM
that sentence came deep within ur psyche, matt
LETS GO COOKS
KEEP SAYING DISGUSTING THINGS
Carlos Flores at 12:23 PM
Jordan Akins with a nice grab. Deshaun Watson is beautiful.
Joe Critz at 12:24 PM
wooo!
Matt Weston at 12:24 PM
throw the ball 65 times a game
Carlos Flores at 12:24 PM
TD Cobb!
Joe Critz at 12:24 PM
LETS GO
(Watson to Cobb touchdown! Patriots lead 7-6 with the extra point to come)
(Extra point is good. Game tied 7-7)
l4blitzer at 12:26 PM
Good, we avoided the shutout
Joe Critz at 12:26 PM
this is what we need to win
l4blitzer at 12:26 PM
Now, back to our run defense
UprootedTexan at 12:26 PM
Cobb getting stretched out.
Joe Critz at 12:26 PM
we just need the pats to goof up one possession and then as long as we keep throwing the ball, we’ll be good
and the pats offense is extremely messy so they will absolutely have a few terrible possessions
Carlos Flores at 12:28 PM
I love the optimism, Joe! I’m personally still stuck in the bargaining stage of grief, so I’ll be right behind you.
UprootedTexan at 12:28 PM
Opti-what now?
Joe Critz at 12:29 PM
it’s not so much optimism as it is a deep seeded hatred for everything patriots
(Patriots second possession)
Joe Critz at 12:29 PM
the patriots are one of the worst teams in football but have rode a tremendous wave of luck and good fortune to be back in contention
they are literally almost as bad and as deep in a rebuild as we are
they’ve certainly drafted worse than we have
which is saying something
UprootedTexan at 12:30 PM
You can’t convince me they added that seventh playoff spot specifically because they knew NE wouldn’t be as good this year but didn’t want to leave them out of the playoffs.
Joe Critz at 12:31 PM
exactly i hate it
sometimes all you need to be a good nfl coach is luck
UprootedTexan at 12:31 PM
Have any of y’all had any problems getting a turkey for Thanksgiving this year?
Joe Critz at 12:31 PM
and belichick found the [kitten]ing chalice of endless fortune
l4blitzer at 12:31 PM
Well, when Easterby convinces Caserio to take the GM job, we will be just fine... all the NE draft glory coming this way
Matt Weston at 12:31 PM
NE isn’t making the playoffs
[Durga], the devil, the #7 seed, nothing is going to get them in
UprootedTexan at 12:31 PM
He absolutely sold his soul to Bud Adams to be this dominant for this long.
Joe Critz at 12:32 PM
we actually were lucky to find plenty of turkeys
that is a terrible sentence haha
no we did not have a hard time, which is different than other years. Usually the grocery stores are low on stock, but not this time around
(Texans third possession)
Carlos Flores at 12:33 PM
We would usually get it from somewhere like BB’s or anyone who smokes turkeys. This year we’re passing on Thanksgiving, though.
Matt Weston at 12:34 PM
If you actually love your family you’ll put some queso in that bird.
Carlos Flores at 12:34 PM
ANIMAL.
UprootedTexan at 12:34 PM
Mrs. UT likes queso but she says she’d divorce me if I tried to queso up that bird.
Joe Critz at 12:34 PM
cheese turkey?
UprootedTexan at 12:35 PM
Personally, I can’t stand the stuff so it’s not coming anywhere near it.
Carlos Flores at 12:35 PM
Oh no.
UprootedTexan at 12:35 PM
Matt, present the queso turkey for Joe, please.
You’re going to regret asking about this Joe.
Joe Critz at 12:35 PM
oh boy haha
i feel dread
dipping some turkey in queso actually sounds not that bad
Carlos Flores at 12:37 PM
This is not that at all.
UprootedTexan at 12:38 PM
Not even a little.
Joe Critz at 12:38 PM
what did someone dunk an entire turkey into a barrel of hot cheese
Matt Weston at 12:39 PM
FEAST YOUR EYES ON [DURGA]
[Editor’s Note: Ladies and Gentlemen, please be advised that the following image is not for the faint of heart, the easily offended, or those with weak constitutions. On behalf of all of us at BRB, except maybe Big Matt, I’d like to personally apologize for asking Matt to post this. I regret the error.]
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
[Editor’s Note 2: Seriously, this is your last chance.]
.
.
.
.
.
.
[Editor’s Note The Final: Okay, you’ve been warned. You’re on your own.]
:no_upscale()/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_asset/file/22067463/unknown.png)
Joe Critz at 12:39 PM
WHAT THE [KITTEN]
UprootedTexan at 12:39 PM
[Durga], it’s somehow worse every time I see it.
Joe Critz at 12:39 PM
OH MY [DURGA]
WHO DID THIS
why would you do this?????
it looks like it was caked in charcoal and then pumped with cheese?????
UprootedTexan at 12:41 PM
Matt, did you actually try this at home? Please tell me you didn’t try this at home.
Matt Weston at 12:41 PM
I may have to cook one for my birthday this year, since the FACISTS at Outback Steakhouse may not let us have 12 people at a table.
SECOND QUARTER:
Joe Critz at 12:41 PM
it literally looks like it’s leaking queso like that’s it blood
Matt Weston at 12:41 PM
Joe Critz at 12:41 PM
okay that actually looks edible
Matt Weston at 12:41 PM
You cook this, and then jam the cheese in the hole. [Durga] [kitten] I’m feeling some sort of way right now.
Joe Critz at 12:42 PM
ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING
Carlos Flores at 12:42 PM
mmm, Outback bread.
UprootedTexan at 12:42 PM
You knew that had to be holding because it was a positive play for Houston.
Matt Weston at 12:42 PM
keke is alive
UprootedTexan at 12:42 PM
Cheesecake Factory bread > Outback bread.
Hoo boy Watson got lucky on that one.
Joe Critz at 12:43 PM
i want you all to know that my face actually scrunched up in disgust when you sent me that picture
(Patriots third possession)
UprootedTexan at 12:43 PM
That’s a pretty standard response.
Joe Critz at 12:43 PM
it gave a physical reaction to me
maybe u can just use the turkey as a big mug of hot cheese
and you just like drink it
UprootedTexan at 12:45 PM
You’re only making it worse, Joe.
Joe Critz at 12:45 PM
someone really saw the hole in the turkey and thought “I know what needs to be jammed in there, CHEESE”
Carlos Flores at 12:46 PM
You could also break off one of its legs and shove it into the hole. Then you have a cheese covered turkey leg.
UprootedTexan at 12:46 PM
STOP THAT!
Joe Critz at 12:46 PM
[Durga] i gotta stop looking at it
i gotta stop
it’s like some demon spawn
UprootedTexan at 12:47 PM
There is a Texans game going somewhere in all of this. Right? I know I’m way behind but they’re still playing right?
::sees long NE run::
Well “play” has so many different meanings...
Joe Critz at 12:48 PM
the texans are attempting football right now
yknow i think one of guys sent them that turkey picture
Carlos Flores at 12:49 PM
They were always going to run at least one trick play like that.
Joe Critz at 12:49 PM
and they were so disgusted that bill o’brien asked to get fired and they’ve been just recovering
l4blitzer at 12:50 PM
New England is just rubbing it in...base offense should be enough against our D
UprootedTexan at 12:52 PM
The ref sounded almost as surprised the penalty was against the Patriots as I was.
Joe Critz at 12:52 PM
haha
it’s against the rules to throw a flag on the patriots
goes against our patriotism
l4blitzer at 12:53 PM
Well, they aren’t the Patriots of old, so flags against them are ok.
Matt Weston at 12:53 PM
The Patriots offense is tough, smart, and dependable.
Joe Critz at 12:54 PM
what if they actually hire o’brien again
please let them do that
(Patriots kick a 45-yard field goal. Patriots lead 10-7)
Joe Critz at 12:54 PM
that’s good!
stopped them for marching down the field and getting a td
UprootedTexan at 12:55 PM
Oh man, what if he tries to get Belichick’s job when he retires and somehow snakes it away from Josh McDaniels.
bigfatdrunk at 12:55 PM
Seeing Matt’s turkey must be what it’s like to see me naked. It can’t be unseen.
Joe Critz at 12:55 PM
CHEESE TURKEY CHEESE TURKEY CHEESE TURKEY
l4blitzer at 12:55 PM
Can’t see Kraft letting that happen. Kraft would take McDaniels every time before he even considering BO’B
UprootedTexan at 12:56 PM
I know, but I really love the idea that he would, it amuses me.
Joe Critz at 12:56 PM
say it three times in front of a mirror on thanksgiving and the cheese turkey demon will haunt you
(Texans fourth possession)
l4blitzer at 12:57 PM
Eh, I figure some college program will snag BO’B...if Syracuse fires their current coach, I feel like they will make a run at him
Carlos Flores at 12:57 PM
Josh McDaniels is like a guy who has been raised to take over his dad’s car dealership, tried exploring new avenues, was too scared to take a risk, and has resigned himself to wasting away in the Northeast’s best Fiat dealership.
UprootedTexan at 12:58 PM
I just sent the turkey picture to Mrs. UT. She refuses to look at it and I expect if she does she will not be Mrs. UT for very much longer.
Joe Critz at 12:58 PM
that really is a good synopsis of his story too haha
bigfatdrunk at 12:58 PM
Josh McDaniels is the coaching equivalent of Cal McNair.
Carlos Flores at 12:59 PM
OOF.
UprootedTexan at 12:59 PM
Except he’s more of a weasel than Kyle.
l4blitzer at 12:59 PM
After the ghosting job he pulled on Indy, I really don’t know why any owner should trust McDaniels
UprootedTexan at 1:00 PM
Why are we still running the ball?
Carlos Flores at 1:00 PM
Jordan Akins is having a decent day.
In striking distance.
UprootedTexan at 1:01 PM
Gah! Please stop showing Steve Belichick.
He’s the turkey con queso of coaches.
Joe Critz at 1:01 PM
he really is haha
he’s a caveman
Matt Weston at 1:01 PM
Houston gave Eric Murray a 3-year $18 million contract. New England gave Adrian Phillips a 2-year $6 million contract.
Carlos Flores at 1:02 PM
If you ever muttered those words in a mexican restaurant, they’d turn you into chorizo.
UprootedTexan at 1:02 PM
But is Adrian Phillips tough, smart, and dependable?
Joe Critz at 1:02 PM
CHEESE TURKEY
Carlos Flores at 1:02 PM
Deshaun Watson is a grown ass man.
UprootedTexan at 1:02 PM
Carlos, take it up with Matt, he’s the one who coined the term.
(Watson runs it in for the touchdown! Texans lead 14-10)
Matt Weston at 1:04 PM
Deshaun is the only thing that matters. He’s the quaternity.
bigfatdrunk at 1:04 PM
Bill Belichick:Bill O’Brien::normal turkey:Big Matt’s nasty, burned turkey con queso.
l4blitzer at 1:05 PM
They keep running the Bradshaw ad for the Lake Charles casino, but is there one still standing after the recent spat of hurricanes that hit that part of Louisiana?
Joe Critz at 1:05 PM
just gotta hold onto the lead now!
bigfatdrunk at 1:06 PM
Sure, Joe, but why?
UprootedTexan at 1:06 PM
STOP THE GAME!
Any points scored now is interfering with the game, it’s game fraud!
Matt Weston at 1:07 PM
The turkey ain’t burned doggy. It’s just the New Mexico baste. Get cultured.
Joe Critz at 1:07 PM
i believe in watt to stop a few runs
EXCUSE ME
l4blitzer at 1:07 PM
The New Mexico baste...is that with red or green sauce?
(Patriots fourth possession)
Joe Critz at 1:07 PM
it’s covered in OIL
Carlos Flores at 1:08 PM
It’s covered in Hatch chile.
UprootedTexan at 1:08 PM
Oil doesn’t burn a turkey like that unless you leave it in the oven for like seven hours or something.
Matt Weston at 1:09 PM
it’s those dry mexican chili peppers you gotta boil to rejuvenate them
Carlos Flores at 1:09 PM
That sounds like a latino cover band of RHCP.
l4blitzer at 1:09 PM
Ah...more flavorful than the Old Bay, which is in everything around here
UprootedTexan at 1:09 PM
The Texans are challenging that? And it might be successful? We really have turned a corner.
l4blitzer at 1:11 PM
What!?!?! We won a challenge against Belichick? Unpossible!
Joe Critz at 1:11 PM
LETS GOOOO
Carlos Flores at 1:11 PM
Ralph Wiggum is the funniest character on The Simpsons.
Matt Weston at 1:11 PM
You gotta make an Old Bay turkey and send us back the dossier on it
Carlos Flores at 1:12 PM
Tyrell Adams got lucky there.
l4blitzer at 1:12 PM
For this defense...better lucky than good
Matt Weston at 1:13 PM
Cam isn’t the same at all anymore. Getting knocked down my LJJ is depressing.
UprootedTexan at 1:13 PM
LOL, the defense gets a stop only because the runner fell down after the non-tackle.
(Texans fifth possession)
Joe Critz at 1:14 PM
WOOOO
if we score here that will be amazing
UprootedTexan at 1:15 PM
184 yards of offense and Watson is responsible for all but three of them. That’s hilarious.
Matt Weston at 1:15 PM
lol yeah, I love that Watson loves playing the Pats, and tends to torch them.
TWO MINUTE WARNING:
Joe Critz at 1:17 PM
there are two minutes left till NRG STADIUM SINKS INTO THE ABYSS
UprootedTexan at 1:18 PM
Wait, Bane is at the stadium?!
Carlos Flores at 1:19 PM
My [Durga], Pharaoh Brown.
Joe Critz at 1:19 PM
aaaa
AAAA
l4blitzer at 1:20 PM
The Patriots know they are playing the 2020 Texans, right?
UprootedTexan at 1:20 PM
Holy crap that was some Marshawn Lynch type [kitten] right there.
Matt Weston at 1:21 PM
Is Pharoah Brown the best tight end of the —POST Gary Kubiak era?
UprootedTexan at 1:22 PM
This is certainly the most TE-heavy game since the Kubiak era, that’s for [kitten] sure.
Or at least TE-heavy where they’ve actually caught the ball.
l4blitzer at 1:22 PM
That was always so strange about the BO’B era, given how he used TEs at NE and Penn State
Howard clubhouse leader for Texans LVP for the game
Matt Weston at 1:23 PM
he tried to use TEs, but they were all bad: Graham, CJF, Griffin, etc
bigfatdrunk at 1:23 PM
That’s a tough place for Howard to be in.
UprootedTexan at 1:24 PM
Argh!
l4blitzer at 1:24 PM
True about the lack of quality for TEs
Joe Critz at 1:24 PM
dog dang howard
if we can get a td all we gotta do is just show up for the second half
bigfatdrunk at 1:25 PM
Keke Coutee sighting.
Joe Critz at 1:25 PM
couteeeeee
UprootedTexan at 1:25 PM
STOP GETTING PENALTIES YOU MORONS!
Joe Critz at 1:26 PM
no see this is the belichick effect
because he’s the luckiest coach ever, you’re never allowed to get a nice lead on him. Literally anything else will happen before that
Carlos Flores at 1:26 PM
COUTEE TOUCHDOWN?!?!?!
l4blitzer at 1:26 PM
Can’t think the last time I saw a team get multiple ineligible downfield penalties on the same drive
Joe Critz at 1:26 PM
LETS GO
THANK YOU
FOR PROVING ME WRONG
bigfatdrunk at 1:27 PM
Deshaun Watson is otherworldly.
Kenneth L. at 1:27 PM
He’s alive!!!!
Watson looks great
Carlos Flores at 1:27 PM
Keke just set the doghouse on fire.
(Watson to Coutee for the touchdown! Texans lead 21-10)
UprootedTexan at 1:27 PM
You are NOT imagining things, ladies and gentlemen!
Kenneth L. at 1:27 PM
Watching Tytus run on that play made me giggle
bigfatdrunk at 1:28 PM
Think about all the petty grudges BOB has had through the years, guys like Coutee. BOB did so much damage to the team because he is such a weak man.
Matt Weston at 1:28 PM
[Kitten] you Bill O’Brien!!!!!!
Joe Critz at 1:29 PM
YOU SUCK TOO!
he’s probably screaming that at his tv right now
l4blitzer at 1:30 PM
All that hullabaloo for the spot for a kneel down
UprootedTexan at 1:30 PM
That touchdown was neither tough, nor smart, nor dependable and should not be approved as such.
—Bill O’Brien, probably.
HALFTIME REACTIONS:
Joe Critz at 1:31 PM
i’m excited!!!
Carlos Flores at 1:31 PM
A surprisingly lively game. The offense is clicking, Rod Johnson is doing an admirable job at LT, and the defense hasn’t been as poopy the last few drives. All in all, it should make for either a fun or incredibly painful second half.
Joe Critz at 1:32 PM
we look good, got a nice lead at halftime, just gotta hang on and the game is ours
Matt Weston at 1:32 PM
[Kitten] Bill O’Brien, [Kitten] the Patriots
Kenneth L. at 1:32 PM
Watson looks more comfortable today than he has all season in
l4blitzer at 1:33 PM
Figured that if the Texans were going to do anything, Watson would have to be at near [Durga] Mode. So far, this has been his game. The D is doing enough to mitigate NE. The Patriot pass D = almost as bad as our run D. Will see if the Texans can adapt to Darth Belichick’s halftime adjustments
PJ Walker at QB for the Panthers? Cool.
Joe Critz at 1:35 PM
having an okay game so far, too!
UprootedTexan at 1:36 PM
Good for him!
THIRD QUARTER:
(Patriots fifth possession)
UprootedTexan at 1:46 PM
P.J. Hall is hurt.
Joe Critz at 1:48 PM
dang
Carlos Flores at 1:48 PM
Bradley Roby came flying in.
bigfatdrunk at 1:48 PM
Dang.
Joe Critz at 1:49 PM
I’m lucky enough to have been invited to try out Amazon’s Luna game streaming service
and that’s what i was messing around with the past few days and during halftime haha
UprootedTexan at 1:49 PM
I’ve never even heard of Luna.
Is it like Twitch?
Yikes, Burkhead’s down now.
Joe Critz at 1:50 PM
and it’s actually not that bad! my internet isn’t extremely fast and pretty choppy here and there, but the stream has been very consistent and only occasionally freezes up
Luna is like Amazon’s version of google stadia
it’s a game streaming service that they made their own controller for and it works a lot like netflix
but for the most part game streaming services just aren’t worth it cuz u mostly need a really good internet for it to be playable.
but i mean i get 250mbps download at around 25mbps upload, which is fast but not that fast, and it works very well for the most part
(Texans sixth possession)
Joe Critz at 1:53 PM
SCORE AGAIN
UprootedTexan at 1:53 PM
I’ve never done much with Stadia so I’m not terribly familiar with it, but that does sound pretty interesting!
Joe Critz at 1:54 PM
it’s all part of the brave new streaming world that is supposed to eventually come to video games
but game streaming demands very high and consistent internet speeds, so i still think we’re a few years away. but man i
I’m impressed by luna so far
maybe the future is coming sooner than i expect
it does have some twitch integration but not much
wasn’t ready for burkhead to be hurt
Matt Weston at 1:57 PM
NAP TIME
(Patriots sixth possession)
UprootedTexan at 1:57 PM
Sounds like Joe Burrow just got injured.
Joe Critz at 1:58 PM
oh no!
man i hope it isn’t serious
he’s gotten hit so much this year
UprootedTexan at 1:59 PM
It’s bad enough to get the cart out. According to Schefter it’s a left knee injury.
Joe Critz at 1:59 PM
oh crap
hopefully that’s just precautionary
Carlos Flores at 1:59 PM
Defense is doing what they need to do.
Big 3rd down right here.
[Kitten].
Joe Critz at 2:00 PM
AGH
UprootedTexan at 2:01 PM
Sigh, of course they give up the first down on third and way long.
Matt Weston at 2:02 PM
I hate Jacob Martin coverage reps
Joe Critz at 2:02 PM
that’s what he did against the pats last year, too
did a lot of right things, but somehow gave up obnoxious big play after obnoxious big play
of course we won that game
Carlos Flores at 2:03 PM
Defense broke.
Joe Critz at 2:03 PM
so those like five 3rd and 15 conversions that the pats had last year didn’t mean much
UprootedTexan at 2:03 PM
I didn’t get to see that game because I was flying home from Houston; I always assumed that was why the Texans won that game.
Matt Weston at 2:04 PM
lmao send Philip Gaines to the glue factory along with David Johnson and DeAndre Carter
(Patriots touchdown. Texans lead 21-17.)
Joe Critz at 2:04 PM
NOOOO
Matt Weston at 2:04 PM
every NFL telecast needs more SKA
It’s hilarious how bad your pass defense has to be to give up a deep pass to NE
Joe Critz at 2:06 PM
yuck
okay now we gotta score here
UprootedTexan at 2:07 PM
That’s okay, all we have to do is run the clock and we’ll win.
That’s what Bill O’Brien taught me about winning football.
Joe Critz at 2:07 PM
lets see if romeo can do it
(Texans seventh possession)
Joe Critz at 2:08 PM
giving up an 11 point lead against maybe the worst offense in the league would be pretty impressive
UprootedTexan at 2:08 PM
If there’s any team that’s capable of it though...
Carlos Flores at 2:09 PM
I thought I heard The Mighty Mighty Bosstones! It feels like X-Games.
Kenneth L. at 2:09 PM
Wait why is Roderick Johnson in?
UprootedTexan at 2:09 PM
Thanks Pharaoh.
Tunsil was a scratch for today’s game.
Kenneth L. at 2:10 PM
Fun
Carlos Flores at 2:11 PM
He hasn’t been so bad!
UprootedTexan at 2:12 PM
Wow, they converted!
Joe Critz at 2:12 PM
wooooo!
UprootedTexan at 2:13 PM
That was straight filthy.
Joe Critz at 2:13 PM
fullord
UprootedTexan at 2:15 PM
Stop. Running. The. Ball.
Nothing good can come from it.
Joe Critz at 2:15 PM
CHUM
Carlos Flores at 2:16 PM
The fact that throw was in the ballpark on one foot was amazing.
Matt Weston at 2:17 PM
COWARDS
(Ka’imi Fairbairn’s 36-yard field goal attempt is good. Texans lead 24-17.)
l4blitzer at 2:18 PM
At least they got something out of that drive. Getting a feeling that the last team with the football wins.
Joe Critz at 2:18 PM
at least it’s a 7 point lead
haha remember stephon gilmore
i forgot he existed
Matt Weston at 2:19 PM
I’d pick Watson getting two yards over a Fairbairn field goal to try and stretch the lead to 11 against a team with a [kitten]ny pass offense
Joe Critz at 2:19 PM
me too
(Patriots seventh possession)
Joe Critz at 2:19 PM
2 yards is too easy with watson
UprootedTexan at 2:21 PM
Muffed it!
Joe Critz at 2:21 PM
WHAT
WHAT HAPPENED
IM LIKE 30 SECONDS BEHIND
UprootedTexan at 2:21 PM
Pats muffed it but recovered it.
Joe Critz at 2:22 PM
oh dang
UprootedTexan at 2:22 PM
And the defense is playing like its [kitten] is on fire.
Joe Critz at 2:22 PM
i was about to be so excited haha
hahaha
UprootedTexan at 2:22 PM
At least on that one play.
And now Brandon Dunn is hurt.
Joe Critz at 2:22 PM
well at least the defense remembered its identity
Matt Weston at 2:23 PM
Cool, we are at the Donte Moncrief makes an appearance part of the simulation
bigfatdrunk at 2:24 PM
Murray was barely on the screen for that catch.
Joe Critz at 2:24 PM
pain man
COME ON
DONT BLOW THIS GAME
FOURTH QUARTER:
Kenneth L. at 2:27 PM
Carson Wentz looks worse than I could imagine
Carlos Flores at 2:27 PM
Jon Greenard with a sack.
Joe Critz at 2:27 PM
it bums me out
GREENARD
bigfatdrunk at 2:27 PM
A rookie finally did a thing.
Joe Critz at 2:27 PM
i loved wentz
what happened to him
UprootedTexan at 2:28 PM
Nick Foles gave him a complex.
Kenneth L. at 2:28 PM
Look at Greenard!!!
Joe Critz at 2:28 PM
GREENARDDDDD
UprootedTexan at 2:28 PM
Newb sack!
Matt Weston at 2:29 PM
Sick long arm
Kenneth L. at 2:29 PM
The drafting of hurts ruined wentz
Joe Critz at 2:29 PM
yeah nick foles did something to his brain and then hurts getting drafted made it malignant
UprootedTexan at 2:30 PM
Un-[kitten]ing-real.
Joe Critz at 2:31 PM
COME ON
COME ON MAN
i can’t watch this game
how many 2nd and 20s are we gonna give up
like the patriots do NOT want to win this game
UprootedTexan at 2:31 PM
Against this defense, it could be 3rd and 90 and I’d still give them a 50/50 shot of converting.
Joe Critz at 2:32 PM
seriously man it’s unreal
bring in somebody from the stands
Kenneth L. at 2:32 PM
Our defense playing soft is not fun
UprootedTexan at 2:32 PM
I think they would, Joe, except Texas A&M would probably sue them for stealing their schtick.
bigfatdrunk at 2:32 PM
Our defense playing is not fun. FIFY.
Carlos Flores at 2:33 PM
Justin Reid with a big sack.
Joe Critz at 2:34 PM
asinine punk REVENGE GAME
bigfatdrunk at 2:34 PM
I cannot remember the Texans ever running a blitz like that.
Carlos Flores at 2:34 PM
LOLOLOL JOE
Joe Critz at 2:34 PM
that tweet was so funny haha
the twitter equivalent of rage quitting a video game
Carlos Flores at 2:34 PM
Wow, we are just lathering on the pressure right now.
Joe Critz at 2:35 PM
DO IT AGAIN
UprootedTexan at 2:35 PM
I think Rivers should get half credit for that sack there.
Matt Weston at 2:35 PM
Eric Murray finally did something
Kenneth L. at 2:36 PM
I’ll take that
Matt Weston at 2:36 PM
When you really think about it, all life is, is just trading field goals until you eventually die
Kenneth L. at 2:36 PM
Kendall lamm comes in for browns
(Patriots 36-yard field goal is good. Texans lead 24-20.)
Joe Critz at 2:37 PM
now you just DO SOMETHING ON OFFENSE and the game is over
(Texans eighth possession)
bigfatdrunk at 2:37 PM
Kareem Hunt just crowdsurfed for a TD. I don’t think I’ve ever seen something like that before.
Joe Critz at 2:37 PM
welcome to 2020 haha
UprootedTexan at 2:38 PM
Sounds like a great idea during a pandemic.
Joe Critz at 2:41 PM
okay well here we go
UprootedTexan at 2:42 PM
Do the [kitten] thing, Fuller!
Joe Critz at 2:42 PM
FULLER 1000 YARD SEASON
come on just convert
either duke johnson or fuller will get a 1st down
Carlos Flores at 2:44 PM
If Akins didn’t trip, that may have gone all the way.
Joe Critz at 2:44 PM
or watson scrambling
ughhh
Carlos Flores at 2:44 PM
Ka’imi trying to live up to that Top 3 kicker money.
UprootedTexan at 2:45 PM
Of course they’re not going to give us a flag there.
(Ka’imi Fairbairn’s 46-yard field goal attempt is good. Texans lead 27-20.)
UprootedTexan at 2:45 PM
Clench everything, y’all.
Joe Critz at 2:46 PM
If i was calling plays i would be so frustrated that akins tripped and i’d say we’re going for it on 4th and 3
(Patriots eighth possession)
Carlos Flores at 2:46 PM
It would be very Belichickian to tease us with a nice win today, just to rip our hearts out at the very end.
Joe Critz at 2:46 PM
exactly
every single patriots game this year has been lose the entire game and then SOMEHOW everything breaks right for them at the end that they have a shot to steal victory
and i’m so over it haha
UprootedTexan at 2:49 PM
Oh [kitten], I forgot we have the Thanksgiving game this year.
Carlos Flores at 2:49 PM
J.J. could have intercepted that.
Joe Critz at 2:50 PM
maybe we’ll get to see deshaun eat the cheese turkey
or, yknow, attempt to eat it
UprootedTexan at 2:50 PM
Now why would you want to do that to Deshaun? He never did anything to you.
Joe Critz at 2:50 PM
hahaha
that’s what he gets for winning
punishment
UprootedTexan at 2:51 PM
This [kitten]ing defense, I swear to [Durga].
Joe Critz at 2:52 PM
KILL ME
TWO MINUTE WARNING:
UprootedTexan at 2:53 PM
Make your peace with [Durga] now.
Joe Critz at 2:53 PM
man ur if gonna let them score just let them do it
bigfatdrunk at 2:53 PM
Right? I’d rather take my chances with Watson than the D.
Joe Critz at 2:53 PM
give the ball back to watson and let him march downfield again
if only akins would’ve not tripped, this game would be over
BUT SINCE IT’S THE PATRIOTS
it has to be suffering until the final seconds
well all know romeo crennel is a good defensive coach
like i mean are you seeing this
what a legend
Carlos Flores at 2:55 PM
LJJ just cost us a timeout. Lovely.
UprootedTexan at 2:58 PM
And now the Pats have to burn a timeout, so we’re even again.
Carlos Flores at 2:59 PM
J.J. is going OFF.
UprootedTexan at 2:59 PM
CBS is playing Coming to America? Cool!
bigfatdrunk at 2:59 PM
Missed on the cut block.
Joe Critz at 3:00 PM
man if we could tackle
bigfatdrunk at 3:00 PM
Another double safety blitz on that play. Really interesting. I’m hip.
Matt Weston at 3:00 PM
They’ve run that a few times today BFD, and I dig it too
Joe Critz at 3:00 PM
END THE GAME HERE
Carlos Flores at 3:00 PM
It’s certainly ballsy.
Matt Weston at 3:01 PM
This has probably been the most impactful LJJ game aside from when they didn’t call him for holding v. KC last year
Carlos Flores at 3:01 PM
Fig Newton goes down. That’s game.
Joe Critz at 3:01 PM
LETS GOOOOOO
bigfatdrunk at 3:01 PM
Wow, another DB blitz. I think that’s the most I have seen the Texans do that.
Joe Critz at 3:01 PM
CRENNEL THE DEFENSIVE LEGEND
Kenneth L. at 3:01 PM
Wow we were all wrong
Tehehehe
(Turnover on downs. Texans ball!)
(Texans ninth possession)
Joe Critz at 3:02 PM
LETS GOOOOO
Carlos Flores at 3:03 PM
Still feels scary for some reason.
l4blitzer at 3:03 PM
Feels weird to say, but I think the D won the game in the second half
Joe Critz at 3:04 PM
honestly i think ur right
they gave a lot up but they tightened up when it mattered
(Patriots ninth possession)
Kenneth L. at 3:05 PM
There is a great chance we mess this up
Carlos Flores at 3:05 PM
This is going to be some funny stuff.
Joe Critz at 3:05 PM
you’re right, it’s not over till it’s over haha
l4blitzer at 3:06 PM
This is the Texans, but I have faith in Smith...I think
bigfatdrunk at 3:06 PM
I don’t think Cam can throw it into the end zone anymore.
He’s no Peyton, but Cam’s arm strength is done.
Carlos Flores at 3:07 PM
Caught it short. PHEW
Joe Critz at 3:07 PM
THANK [DURGA]
TEXANS WIN!!!
FINAL SCORE: TEXANS 27 - PATRIOTS 20.
UprootedTexan at 3:07 PM
TEXANS WIN!!!
l4blitzer at 3:08 PM
Ok, good. I didn’t jinx the Defense after my praise comment
Joe Critz at 3:08 PM
hahaha
what a game! way to step up
defense looked way better this game, still not good but they looked okay, watson is still amazing
Matt Weston at 3:09 PM
Go Texans
Always and forever, screw the New England Patriots
UprootedTexan at 3:09 PM
Amen.
See y’all Thursday afternoon.
Er, Thursday morning, I guess.
Joe Critz at 3:13 PM
Lets go Thanksgiving!
GAME BALLS:
Offense - It’s becoming cliche but I think Deshaun Watson earned it this week for being the entire offense for at least the first half of the game.
Defense - Gotta go with Justin Reid on this one. He got three tackles for a loss and the first sack of his career.
Special Teams - Eh, I guess we have to go with Ka’imi Fairbairn since he didn’t miss a kick this week.
Okay, BRB faithful, at least those of you who comment on here anymore, got any differences of opinion about this week’s game balls? Want to let Weston know what you really think about unleashing his turkey con queso upon an unsuspecting public (again, sorry)? Go ahead and let us have it in the comments.