Hair of the Dog: What Is “The Battle Of Who Could Care Less” Edition (Texans/Jaguars)

Not gonna lie to y’all, I really was going to spam this thread with nothing but Alex Trebek clips. He really was a great host and by all accounts, a pretty sweet guy too.

Makes me think of my Jeopardy! story. I almost got on the show. I watched Jeopardy! pretty much all through high school and a good chunk of college, to the point where I was downright unbeatable in trivia contests. In my sophomore year of college, I applied to be on the College Jeopardy Tournament. I flew all the way to Orlando for the weekend, did a little bit of studying for the audition, but mostly spent my time wandering around the resort that the audition was taking place at (I forget where exactly, but it was a big friggin’ hotel).

The way the audition works is as follows (it might have changed in the years since I tried out for it; this is as best as I remember it):

First they give you a written test to see if you have the knowledge to play the game; it was a 25-question quiz and you had to get at least a 90% in order to advance to the next round. The questions were easier than a normal Jeopardy! test since it was just for the college tournament, which is a bit watered down compared to a normal Jeopardy! audition. I passed easily.

Then comes the second part of the audition: a mock episode of the show.

Those who pass the written test are brought up three at a time to play in a mock version of the game. The goal here is two-fold. First, they want to see how you perform under pressure. Anybody can play at home by themselves and get all the answers right. It’s a whole other thing to see how many questions you get right in an actual game (those buzzers are trickier to operate than you realize!). The other thing they want to see is how you act during a game. They’re looking for players who keep an even keel regardless of how they’re doing. You’ll notice if you ever watch Jeopardy! that none of the contestants ever really show anything in the way of emotion while they’re playing.

That was my downfall. When I got a question wrong, I would mutter “Dang it” or something similar and pump my fist when I got a question right. My heart was too much on my sleeve to be a good candidate for the show. I tried to keep it down, but some habits die hard.

I flew back to Houston the following Sunday after being politely thanked and dismissed by the producers. I never got close to getting back on the show again.

And then two weeks later, 9/11 happened.

Anyway, let’s get on to this week’s Dog.

In this tradition, all swear words have been replaced with [kitten] to make the thread safe for work.

What is “finest Hair of the Dog” tradition?

RIP, Alex Trebek.

PREGAME DISCUSSION:

Carlos Flores at 11:43 AM

RIP ALEX TREBEK

l4blitzer at 11:46 AM

As if we needed another reason to despise 2020.

Carlos Flores at 11:48 AM

What is, depression.

UprootedTexan at 11:52 AM

Oh [Durga] [kitten]it.

This one really hurts me.

This game is cancelled so I can go watch clips of Trebek being mean to nerds.

Carlos Flores at 11:58 AM

My all-time favorite clip will be where one of the contestants is explaining what “Nerd-Core” rap is, and his look of absolute dismissal is never-ending.

l4blitzer at 11:59 AM

I’ll have to go back and watch the clip where he tore into all the contestants for not even venturing a guess in an entire category of NFL questions

Carlos Flores at 12:01 PM

UprootedTexan at 12:01 PM

Honestly, Trebek was right to dismiss it.

Carlos Flores at 12:02 PM

“If you get this one right, (Dale Gribble Voice) I will die”.

UprootedTexan at 12:02 PM

The Texans game is on the two most obscure screens in this bar and frankly, I don’t blame them a bit for it.

FIRST QUARTER:

(Jags first possession)

Carlos Flores at 12:03 PM

Getting ahead of things here and predicting Luton ends up with at least two touchdowns through the air.

l4blitzer at 12:04 PM

A game only the mother of a player on these teams could love...and if there is nothing else going on.

UprootedTexan at 12:04 PM

Well that’s one, Carlos.

Carlos Flores at 12:04 PM

Well, there’s touchdown number one.

(Jaguars score a touchdown, lead 7-0)

Carlos Flores at 12:05 PM

If I recall, Oregon State might run a competent offense, so maybe this kid can sling the pigskin.

UprootedTexan at 12:05 PM

Took 52 seconds to score on this secondary.

l4blitzer at 12:05 PM

Glad the team used the bye week to fix their issues on defense

(Texans first possession)

UprootedTexan at 12:07 PM

Maybe I should just replace this week’s HOTD with Trebek clips. It’d be a lot more uplifting.

A CHUM that...worked?

Carlos Flores at 12:08 PM

Look, some decent DJ yards!

(Watson to Cooks for the touchdown. Jags lead 7-6 with XP to come)

(Extra point is good, game tied 7-7)

Carlos Flores at 12:09 PM

And Cooks managed to turn on the jets? Maybe this will end up being a shootout.

UprootedTexan at 12:09 PM

LOLOLOLOLOLOL this game is going to be really stupid.

l4blitzer at 12:09 PM

We gonna have a shootout here...

Carlos Flores at 12:10 PM

Except we’re working with squirt guns on both sides.

Filled with urine.

Kenneth L. at 12:11 PM

Hello boys

I’m alive

Carlos Flores at 12:11 PM

Kenneth! Much unlike Alex Trebek.

Kenneth L. at 12:11 PM

[DURGA]

Carlos Flores at 12:11 PM

I knew it was too soon the second I hit send.

l4blitzer at 12:12 PM

What happens when the resistible force meet the movable object? This game could answer that fundamental question

UprootedTexan at 12:12 PM

@Carlos: BANNED.

Hey Kenneth!

(Jags second possession)

Carlos Flores at 12:13 PM

Would you happen to know anything about this Luton kid besides the fact he has the pleasure of throwing against this brainless secondary?

l4blitzer at 12:14 PM

A Brandon Dunn sighting?

Kenneth L. at 12:14 PM

Jaguars uniforms are ugly.

Carlos Flores at 12:14 PM

Tyrell Adams with the butterfingers.

l4blitzer at 12:15 PM

Been working with Eric Murray I guess

UprootedTexan at 12:15 PM

LOL “working” with Eric Murray.

(Texans second possession)

Carlos Flores at 12:15 PM

DeAndre Carter is never allowed to return a punt ever again.

Kenneth L. at 12:16 PM

This colts Ravens game will be fun

UprootedTexan at 12:16 PM

What’s that, Carlos? You want to sign DeAndre Carter to a six year extension?! Your wish is granted!

Carlos Flores at 12:17 PM

DeAndre Carter is like those genie wishes where you think you’re getting a returner that has the combo of speed and shiftiness that you want, but also the unexplained downside of not understanding how to protect the rock.

Kenneth L. at 12:18 PM

His talents can be found literally anywhere

UprootedTexan at 12:18 PM

Under a rock, for example.

On the masthead of a football blog, for example.

In the Brazilian rainforest where as yet undiscovered tribes who have never heard of American football live, for example.

Carlos Flores at 12:20 PM

I’d bet that grandpa could do a better job, and he’s been gone since last year.

UprootedTexan at 12:20 PM

Ahhhh, an early morning CHUM there’s nothing like it.

Kenneth L. at 12:20 PM

I was wrong about Jonathan Taylor, I thought he’d get to the NFL and never be healthy

Carlos Flores at 12:21 PM

Oh man, DJ got murdered.

(Texans kick a long field goal, take lead 10-7)

Carlos Flores at 12:22 PM

Fairbairn makes a top 3 kicker field goal, as he should.

(Jags third possession)

l4blitzer at 12:23 PM

That Tracy Smith magic coming through

Kenneth L. at 12:23 PM

That was a [kitten] throw by Watson

Carlos Flores at 12:26 PM

Good tackle by Lonnie.

UprootedTexan at 12:27 PM

Josh Allen has thrown two touchdowns in the first quarter of this Seahawks/Bills game.

Somewhere in the desert, Big Matt is aroused and has no idea why.

Carlos Flores at 12:29 PM

I like that Blacklock is actually getting some playing time today.

l4blitzer at 12:30 PM

Reid has been active as well

UprootedTexan at 12:30 PM

Well it’s about [kitten] time, too. If we have to rebuild again it’d be nice to know just how much rebuilding we need to do.

Holy crap, Trebek outlived Connery by nine days.

Per Sarah Barshop, Johnson is being evaluated for a concussion.

Carlos Flores at 12:31 PM

Him, Connery, and Reynolds are chilling somewhere watching old SNL clips.

Oh [kitten]!

(Texans third possession)

l4blitzer at 12:32 PM

Wow, the D managed to go back to back drives without allowing points...progress?

UprootedTexan at 12:32 PM

I’d bet cash money right now that SNL is concocting a “Celebrity Jeopardy! In Heaven” script right now and it’s going to be insufferable.

@l4: Blind pigs and acorns more likely.

Ooof, ugly field position.

Holy crap he barely avoided the safety there.

Carlos Flores at 12:35 PM

Whew, that was one step away from being a safety.

This should give Luton some solid field position.

Kenneth L. at 12:37 PM

That was a safety

Wowza

Carlos Flores at 12:37 PM

Wow, returner went a mile backwards lol

l4blitzer at 12:38 PM

Never thought of Scarlett as a “brick wall” but the radio commentators were ecstatic about that tackle.

(Jags fourth possession)

Carlos Flores at 12:40 PM

Wow, good tackle by Murray.

UprootedTexan at 12:40 PM

Got[kitten] JJ’s still fun to watch on defense.

(Texans fourth possession)

Carlos Flores at 12:42 PM

Is it weird that I kind of want to see a run?

UprootedTexan at 12:42 PM

Yes.

l4blitzer at 12:43 PM

It’s Duke Johnson in the backfield...he is never to carry...oh wait, they actually let him carry it.

Carlos Flores at 12:43 PM

And it went pretty well!

UprootedTexan at 12:43 PM

And look at that, we’re actually making some headway in the run game.

Kenneth L. at 12:44 PM

Remind me to tell Weston that the triple option with the drop off to fells works and Weston lacks creativity

UprootedTexan at 12:45 PM

Kelemete is down.

Carlos Flores at 12:45 PM

Oh man, looks like we might see Greg Mancz?

l4blitzer at 12:46 PM

Wow, Duke is CHUMing...but now we face an Oline injury

UprootedTexan at 12:47 PM

Blech.

Carlos Flores at 12:47 PM

Defense had that read through and through.

UprootedTexan at 12:48 PM

I love having a quarterback who can make those tight window throws.

And then THAT happens.

Carlos Flores at 12:49 PM

Nick Martin didn’t get a hand on anyone. Howard got shoved back.

SECOND QUARTER:

Carlos Flores at 12:51 PM

Taco and Cheeseburger pizza. [Kitten]it Dominos, you were doing so good.

Kenneth L. at 12:51 PM

I love seeing the Colts use Devin duvet at

Carlos Flores at 12:53 PM

Just saw a clip of it. Man, that was a weird one. Got tripped up.

l4blitzer at 12:53 PM

Scarlett is questionable...how many LBs can a team lose

Carlos Flores at 12:53 PM

Kelemete is being checked for a concussion. [Kitten].

BigFatDrunk at 12:54 PM

I don’t agree with that late hit.

UprootedTexan at 12:54 PM

Unnecessary roughness on the glitter kitties.

Carlos Flores at 12:54 PM

Good block by Duke, though.

l4blitzer at 12:54 PM

Radio guys complementing Watson on his acting...

Carlos Flores at 12:55 PM

Andre/DeAndre would have made that catch.

UprootedTexan at 12:55 PM

Yes, DeAndre Carter would’ve made that catch. Because he’s tough, smart, and reliable.

l4blitzer at 12:56 PM

“Receivers with a big catch radius” Didn’t we have that at one time?

Carlos Flores at 12:57 PM

Looks like a Fairbairn kind of day.

(Texans kick a field goal, lead 13-7.)

UprootedTexan at 12:57 PM

GLORY TO ALL FIELD GOAL OFFENSE!

A sitcom about a woman named Kat who owns a cat cafe? Coming soon to a cancellation near you.

(Jags fifth possession)

Carlos Flores at 1:00 PM

Hell, I don’t even know how that “ Two Broke Girls” show ran for so long.

Good throw by Luton.

UprootedTexan at 1:03 PM

Almost had that one.

Kenneth L. at 1:04 PM

Hey blacklock is in. I’ll have to watch him

Carlos Flores at 1:04 PM

Philip Gaines has yet to surprise me.

l4blitzer at 1:04 PM

Oh, another student of Eric Murray’s

UprootedTexan at 1:04 PM

Has anybody seen Greenard at all? I remember a lot of people where vaguely optimistic about him.

Carlos Flores at 1:04 PM

I believe he’s been mentioned as providing pressure on the Jags’ last drive.

l4blitzer at 1:05 PM

With the current attrition in LB, we will get to see soon enough

UprootedTexan at 1:05 PM

The screen is so far away from my table that I can barely make out player numbers, let alone names.

Speaking of attrition.

BigFatDrunk at 1:05 PM

[Kitten].

Carlos Flores at 1:05 PM

We’ve been running a ton of 4 linemen looks today. Omenihu is down.

UprootedTexan at 1:05 PM

Aw [kitten].

Kenneth L. at 1:06 PM

We are getting crushed by this child

UprootedTexan at 1:08 PM

I had a weird feeling about this. It seems like whenever the Texans face some player that’s never seen field time before the Texans make them look somewhat competent in their debut (Kyle Allen, Jacoby Brissett, etc.).

Carlos Flores at 1:08 PM

Exactly my feeling as well. It’s not even a BOB thing, it’s an organizational curse.

Uncle Rico sighting.

l4blitzer at 1:09 PM

Can remember when the Texans played Fitzpatrick when he just started for the Rams. Made him look like an All-Pro

(Jags touchdown, miss extra point. Game tied 13-13)

UprootedTexan at 1:10 PM

And Mark Sanchez’ first game with the Jets.

l4blitzer at 1:11 PM

Tracy Smith magic strikes again!!!

UprootedTexan at 1:14 PM

Someone was asking me today if the Texans had a good defense and I laughed. I mentioned that this was the worst defense they’ve had since 2010. But I have to wonder: Is this defense worse than the 2010 defense?

(Texans fifth possession)

BigFatDrunk at 1:15 PM

Mark Sanchez.

l4blitzer at 1:15 PM

Remember that the 2010 defense actually had a shutout...really can’t see this squad matching that

UprootedTexan at 1:16 PM

Fair point, considering we’re currently battling even with one of the worst teams in the league.

Carlos Flores at 1:16 PM

Was that K-JAX’s rookie year?

UprootedTexan at 1:16 PM

Yeah.

The year before we got JJ

(Duke Johnson fumbles the ball. Jags recover)

Carlos Flores at 1:16 PM

Oof, as bad as it was, I think this might be worse.

Fumble.

BigFatDrunk at 1:17 PM

This team is so bad it’s catchy.

(Jags sixth possession)

Carlos Flores at 1:18 PM

Great hit by Cunningham.

l4blitzer at 1:19 PM

No, no son, ya see, you are supposed to force turnovers, not actually turn it over

UprootedTexan at 1:19 PM

Nice sack by Cunningham there, at least.

l4blitzer at 1:21 PM

Murray and Gaines dropping an interception??? I’m shocked, shocked to hear that

UprootedTexan at 1:21 PM

[Durga] [kitten], Gaines, the only way that’s more of a gimme is if what’s-his-face playing QB for Jacksonville handed it to you with a big red ribbon around it on an edible arrangement.

(Texans sixth possession)

TWO MINUTE WARNING:

Carlos Flores at 1:24 PM

No separation on that play.

Will Fuller sighting!

UprootedTexan at 1:26 PM

itssomething.jpg

GLORY TO ALL PASS INTERFERENCE OFFENSE!

Carlos Flores at 1:27 PM

You love to see it.

BigFatDrunk at 1:27 PM

What a horrible DPI, my goodness. So stupid.

Carlos Flores at 1:28 PM

Decent little dunk to Duke.

They have got to get moving.

l4blitzer at 1:29 PM

Plenty of time to set up the short field goal.

Carlos Flores at 1:29 PM

That was scary as hell.

UprootedTexan at 1:30 PM

I literally yelped when Watson went [kitten] over tea kettle there.

(Duke Johnson touchdown run. Texans lead 19-13 with the extra point to come.)

(Extra point is good. Texans lead 20-13.)

l4blitzer at 1:31 PM

A short yardage running play that worked for us... with Duke Johnson?

(Jags seventh possession)

l4blitzer at 1:33 PM

Smith used the wrong spell on that return

Carlos Flores at 1:34 PM

Don’t put it past the Jags going for a home run shot here.

LOL nevermind.

l4blitzer at 1:34 PM

We are talking about the Texans’ 2020 defense

UprootedTexan at 1:34 PM

Nah, this stinks of long field goal.

(Jags field goal is good. Texans lead 20-16.)

Carlos Flores at 1:35 PM

[Kitten] near 60 yards.

Yeesh.

Well, at least it’s a ballgame?

l4blitzer at 1:35 PM

Kicker earned his paycheck there

HALFTIME REACTIONS:

Carlos Flores at 1:36 PM

This game is a bit of a stinker so far on both sides, but its had some fun moments. Hopefully we’ll see some meaningful adjustments coming into the second half. Michael Thomas should get some playing time at safety and I’d like to see some more of Jon Greenard.

l4blitzer at 1:38 PM

Two 1-6 teams going at it...this is about what you would expect. Gaines couldn’t catch a mosquito bite walking through a Texas swamp.

THIRD QUARTER:

(Texans seventh possession)

Carlos Flores at 1:50 PM

UprootedTexan at 1:50 PM

Off to a flying stop again, I see.

Carlos Flores at 1:50 PM

Roby is coming for Pancake’s head.

UprootedTexan at 1:51 PM

False start on Qvale.

Carlos Flores at 1:51 PM

Wow, that one was rough.

Not bad for a screen. Johnson got popped high, though.

UprootedTexan at 1:52 PM

Welp.

Carlos Flores at 1:52 PM

Would have been a first down if it wasn’t for Qvale.

UprootedTexan at 1:54 PM

Omenihu is out with a leg injury per Aaron Wilson

(Jags eighth possession)

l4blitzer at 1:55 PM

Guess we were due for the injuries, since the Fates decided that Texans fans haven’t dealt with enough pain this year

Carlos Flores at 1:56 PM

Tackle for Greenard.

UprootedTexan at 1:56 PM

Pretty much regression to the mean for Texans injuries.

Carlos Flores at 1:58 PM

Hargreaves only making an impact through penalties.

UprootedTexan at 1:59 PM

When BOB said he wanted impactful players, was this what he was talking about?

Carlos Flores at 2:00 PM

Another tackle for Greenard. Please, for the love of Durga, let him play more.

BigFatDrunk at 2:01 PM

Hargreaves is French for burned toast.

(Hargreaves picks off Luton. Texans ball.)

Carlos Flores at 2:02 PM

FINALLY A PICK!

HARGREAVES WITH THE ALMOST PICK 6

UprootedTexan at 2:02 PM

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

BigFatDrunk at 2:03 PM

Hargreaves got tackled by Cam ROBINSON AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

l4blitzer at 2:03 PM

We are up to a 25% catch rate on interceptions

Carlos Flores at 2:03 PM

LOL he ran out of gas.

(Texans eighth possession)

UprootedTexan at 2:03 PM

Hargreaves has all the speed of a rhinoceros but none of the cunning.

Kenneth L. at 2:05 PM

Why are we celebrating we’re 1-6

We’re playing a child. An actual teet-sucking infant

Carlos Flores at 2:05 PM

He reminds me of Alex Moran from Blue Mountain State.

l4blitzer at 2:07 PM

About an 80 yard swing in field position there

UprootedTexan at 2:08 PM

You know what that means, right? Kick [kitten] field goal!!

Carlos Flores at 2:08 PM

Will Fuller says hello.

BigFatDrunk at 2:09 PM

Will Fuller is real fast.

(Watson to Fuller touchdown! Texans lead 26-16 with the extra point to come.)

l4blitzer at 2:09 PM

You meant kick [kitten] extra point...got it

(Extra point is good. Texans lead 27-16.)

UprootedTexan at 2:09 PM

Sure!

l4blitzer at 2:10 PM

Welp, can’t struggle in the red zone if you score before you get there

Carlos Flores at 2:11 PM

That play clock was over by like 10 seconds by the time they snapped the ball lol

l4blitzer at 2:12 PM

Miami Dolphins will be filing a protest, as this could hurt their 1st and 2nd round draft pick status

UprootedTexan at 2:13 PM

DRAFT INTERFERENCE!

(Jags ninth possession)

BigFatDrunk at 2:16 PM

Hargreaves is French for “tackles without arms.”

Carlos Flores at 2:17 PM

Hoo boy, Keion Crossen is in.

UprootedTexan at 2:17 PM

BFD, does that make him a double entendre?

BigFatDrunk at 2:18 PM

Yes, yes it does.

Since Big Matt isn’t here...

COWARDS.

(Jags kick a field goal. Texans lead 27-19.)

l4blitzer at 2:20 PM

The bend but don’t collapse defense worked

Carlos Flores at 2:21 PM

If only this team’s philosophies could work against non bottom of the barrel squads.

(Texans ninth possession)

Carlos Flores at 2:22 PM

How the hell is Lonnie Johnson picking a fight with Cam Robinson?

BigFatDrunk at 2:22 PM

I think it’s hilarious that teams want Carter to return kicks.

UprootedTexan at 2:22 PM

That was a tough, smart, dependable minimal gain by DeAndre Carter there.

l4blitzer at 2:23 PM

The classic second half CHUM...

FOURTH QUARTER:

UprootedTexan at 2:26 PM

Just once in one of those “buy a car you can’t afford for the [kitten] of it because it’s Christmas” ads, I wish they’d show someone who clearly can’t afford a car and have Santa appear and make that Lexus affordable to someone that doesn’t have a six figure income.

I still get uneasy watching Watson run.

Carlos Flores at 2:30 PM

Oh my [Durga], how did he get out of that?

BigFatDrunk at 2:31 PM

Wow, Tunsil got scorched on that one.

Kenneth L. at 2:34 PM

I literally just thought “why is Romeo challenging this, where is O’Brien?”

UprootedTexan at 2:34 PM

LOL

The healing has begun.

Kenneth L. at 2:34 PM

That’s how disconnected I’ve had to be lately

BigFatDrunk at 2:35 PM

Gillaspia is on the field for some reason.

What a waste of a roster spot.

(Jags tenth possession)

Kenneth L. at 2:37 PM

Well that sack will make me have to write the sack tracker this week

Good delay blitz

Carlos Flores at 2:38 PM

I literally sent a text to BFD last night mentioning that it wouldn’t be the worst thing for Alex Trebek to provide commentary.

BigFatDrunk at 2:38 PM

Yeah. Sigh.

Kenneth L. at 2:38 PM

Kieon Crossen is playing spectacular today

Carlos Flores at 2:38 PM

PI

Dang, Michael Thomas. I wanted him to get playing time too.

UprootedTexan at 2:40 PM

There is a Cowboys fan here who is WAAAAAAY too happy the Bills are beating the Seahawks.

PUNT YOU COWARDS!

BigFatDrunk at 2:41 PM

BOB-esque playcalling by the Glitter Kitties.

UprootedTexan at 2:41 PM

#PuntingIsWinning

Carlos Flores at 2:41 PM

Great 4th down stop.

(Jags turn the ball over on downs. Texans ball.)

(Texans tenth possession)

l4blitzer at 2:42 PM

What...did, did we stop a short yardage run??? Ah, wait, it is the Glitter Kitties

BigFatDrunk at 2:43 PM

Yeah, it’s kinda like it doesn’t count.

Watson is getting far too beat up by that defense today.

CHUM. SPLAT.

l4blitzer at 2:46 PM

The CHUM is inevitable

Kenneth L. at 2:46 PM

Why aren’t we running the ball

BigFatDrunk at 2:47 PM

Gotta be grounding.

LOLOLOL! I was almost as in the vicinity as was Cobb.

l4blitzer at 2:47 PM

Franchise QB call

(Jags eleventh possession.)

Kenneth L. at 2:49 PM

That should have been a screen play

BigFatDrunk at 2:51 PM

#100

Carlos Flores at 2:52 PM

Beautiful. GOAT.

l4blitzer at 2:53 PM

Let’s not do a 3 and out, ok

Kenneth L. at 2:55 PM

Duke > David. All who agree say I

UprootedTexan at 2:55 PM

Aye.

BigFatDrunk at 2:55 PM

Eye.

Kenneth L. at 2:56 PM

There was no doubt in my mind BFD was going to respond with “eye”

Carlos Flores at 2:56 PM

Deshaun Watson is a [kitten] superhero.

UprootedTexan at 2:56 PM

A sorcerer.

BigFatDrunk at 2:56 PM

HAHAHAAH! WOW. Watson breaks all the tackles, and then slides to keep the clock going. My goodness.

Carlos Flores at 2:57 PM

I

BigFatDrunk at 2:57 PM

Pi.

UprootedTexan at 2:57 PM

Epsilon.

BigFatDrunk at 2:59 PM

Peak Texans 2020 football would be for the FG attempt to be blocked and returned for a TD.

Carlos Flores at 3:00 PM

Visions of the Iron Bowl.

UprootedTexan at 3:00 PM

With a two point conversion.

Kenneth L. at 3:01 PM

Why did we throw that

l4blitzer at 3:01 PM

“Punt it and trust your defense”...well, agree with the punt here, but trust our defense? Even against JAX...

Kenneth L. at 3:02 PM

Also, in my sack tracker I’m going to mention that our offensive line is a WAP

Weak Ass Protection

Carlos Flores at 3:04 PM

Bend but eventually break.

Kenneth L. at 3:06 PM

This is too easy

UprootedTexan at 3:07 PM

There’s some holes in this line, there’s some holes in this line, there’s some holes in this line...

BigFatDrunk at 3:07 PM

Am I rooting for Luton? Yes, yes I am.

Carlos Flores at 3:08 PM

Good lord, Luton.

BigFatDrunk at 3:08 PM

LUTON POSTERIZES GREENARD FOR THE TOUCHDOWN!!!

(Jags touchdown, Texans lead 27-25 with the conversion to come.)

l4blitzer at 3:09 PM

Not expecting Luton to run it...neither did the Texans

(Conversion is no good. Texans lead 27-25.)

BigFatDrunk at 3:09 PM

That was a terrible throw.

Carlos Flores at 3:10 PM

He should have run it again after that garbage throw.

UprootedTexan at 3:11 PM

Did they just ice the onside kick?

l4blitzer at 3:12 PM

Tracy Smith...thinking 16 moves ahead

Carlos Flores at 3:13 PM

Galaxy brain stuff.

4D chess [Durga].

FINAL SCORE: TEXANS 27 - JAGUARS 25.

GAME BALLS:

Offense - I’ll give it to Brandin Cooks this time for that killer opening touchdown the Texans scored in the first quarter.

Defense - If it has to be given to ANYONE, and I question this, I suppose it should go to Vernon Hargreaves III solely for that hilarious, and unfortunately called back, return on the interception he had in the third quarter. Because beyond that, he was really, really terrible in today’s game.

Special Teams - Getting kind of tired of giving this one to Ka’imi Fairbairn, but really there’s no other candidate for special teams.

So what do y’all have to say, BRB? Got someone else in mind for a game ball? Got a Jeopardy! story of your own you want to share? Want to rant about how way too close the Texans came to losing to the Jags? That’s what comments are for, friend. Or they were until Coral came along.