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Incompletions: Texans v. Jaguars (There’s Something Wrong With Us)

With so much to write and talk about after every game, one person isn’t enough to write about it all, the Masthead joins together and writes about the Texans doing what they always do—beat the Jacksonville Jaguars.

NFL: Houston Texans at Jacksonville Jaguars Reinhold Matay-USA TODAY Sports

MATT WESTON:

We’re at the point of a meaningless season, where no one cares anymor. Yet we continue to watch. Why (?), I have no idea. Is it because this is just something we do? Do we love something so much that we’ll be here, no matter what, for it? Is it for the accentuation of future feelings for being here for this, for going through this, so that we feel more when our favorite football team is good again? Or does it just come down to, Deshaun Watson is very good and I still like watching him? I don’t know. We are sick, miserable, pig people. I have no idea what is wrong with us.

What I know is that we are here, and here is the absurd. Here is when Bradley Roby is suspended for being a bad boy, Jake Luton, a rookie quarterback taken in the sixth round of the 2020 NFL Draft, who has yet to dress up for a game, easily and casually puts up 304 yards while leaving interceptions and open throws on the table, Anthony Weaver calls Cover 3 on third and eight, Lonnie Johnson Jr. tries to fight Cam Robinson on a field goal attempt, Deshaun Watson is the entirety of Houston’s offense. A play is challenged over seven yards. A non-delay of game penalty defines the game, Brent Qvale not only makes an appearance but plays for most of the game. Luton stiff-arms Jonathan Greenard into the center of the Earth and runs past Vernon Hargreaves III to almost tie the game. Then, at the end, we feel nothing at all when Luton misses an easy two-point conversion because the ball is behind his receiver.

It’s more than novelty or hilarity. It’s the stretching of synapses until they completely disintegrate, neurons shooting blanks into the abyss, leaving us cold, making us empty, wasting time we’ll never get back. I don’t know why we are here. I don’t know what we are doing. But I do know we will be back next week at 12 p.m. when Nick Chubb returns and Cleveland runs for 250 yards against our Houston Texans.

IMAGINE WHAT LIFE COULD BE:

MIKE BULLOCK:

It’s time to re-hire Bill O’Brien!

It’s hard to fathom this team could be this bad. Struggling to put away the Jacksonville Jaguars with a rookie QB... terrible.

It’s time to re-hire Bill O’Brien!

Just so we can fire him again, with prejudice... ugh..

LOCKED AT THE GATES OF OUR OWN HELL:

BIGFATDRUNK:

The Texans beat the Glitter Kitties, where the quarterback was making his NFL debut, 27-25. The quarterback, Jake Luton, managed to throw for over 300 yards against the Texans.

Luton also managed to posterize Jonathan Greenard AND Vernon Hargreaves III on the same play to rush for a touchdown.

If the first extra point had been made, I doubt the Texans walk away with the win. The Texans are a team bereft of talent on the defensive side of the ball.

The name “Vernon Hargreaves III” means “He who is toast and doesn’t have arms.” Hargreaves III makes me pine for the heady days of Petey Faggins.

The only reason the Texans ever have a chance to win again, literally the only reason, is that Deshaun Watson is a wizard.

CENTURY CLUB!

L4BLITZER:

The good news: The Texans won, Will Fuller came up huge, Deshaun Watson is Deshaun Watson, Tracy Smith is the top coordinator for the Texans. J.J. Watt got sack #100.

The bad news: This defense is, at its best, bad and, at its worst, horrific. They made a rookie quarterback making his first start look like an All-Pro, and they still can’t stop the run. The defensive backs couldn’t catch a mosquito bite walking through a Texas swamp naked, much less actually catch a football. While it was encouraging to see the Texans actually use Duke Johnson, Watson led them in rushing (50 yards). Not great. Oh, and the injury bug that had mostly avoided the team decided to make up for lost time.

This was a game between two bad teams. The Texans had Deshaun Watson and were less bad. That’s it. That’s the difference. Since we can’t play Jacksonville all the time, the team will struggle to come up with another win. I think they can win again, but I doubt they will be a favorite the rest of the season.

YOU MAD?

DIEHARD CHRIS:

At first glance, the Texans should have shown they are the “superior 1-6 team” but with all the Covid-19 listed guys and the last minute loss of Bradley Roby, I’ll take a two-point win over a bad team on the road in the NFL despite how much better we may think the Texans are than the Jaguars. The defense is and has been (and will be) the defense. Thanks again, Bill O’Brien, for largely ignoring it in the offseason.

Houston’s offense was not good on this day. Deshaun did what he could with a lot of broken plays. The Jaguars got pressure on Deshaun despite how bad they’ve been at getting sacks and pressures all season. Houston’s run game was again bad when you remove Deshaun’s runs on plays that were not designed runs.

I just don’t get it with this team. Some weeks losing the O’Brien influence has looked like just what was needed, and some weeks it seems once again we are pulled down into the ancient tar of current Texans offensive coordinator Tim “Additional Bill O’Brien” Kelly. I wish watching these games in a lost season were more fun, but the stench of O’Brien lingers like a dead body on “The First 48.”

I LOVE FOOTBALL?